HansonGirl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 First let me start off by saying i'm shy and it takes me a while to get comfortable in a group. I don't feel completely connected to these people. I feel like i'm on the periphery. And i understand this is a possible explanation for the following: So I started hanging out with a group of people from work 6 months ago. One of them, a woman, is very loud and out-spoken and she complains about being single and a lot of the others will try to set her up with various men they know. The latest story was she went out with a guy through one of the other coworkers and after the second date, it didn't go anywhere. that was a week ago and already she is asking another coworker to have his buddy come out with us tonight. Meanwhile I am single as well, and I have mentioned to the other people I'm interested in dating. However, it's like it goes in one ear and out the other. It really makes me feel horrible. Like maybe they think I am so unattractive that they wouldn't set me up with someone. There is also a MAN among this group of people who i kinda like. They are always talking about various people to set him up with as well. I haven't been mentioned. Unless there are conversations going on outside my presence that I don't know about? I know that being kinda the outsider, i am maybe standoffish (not on purpose), and maybe they would feel weird raising the subject to me, if they are. but this man is nice to me. he drove me home the other day for example. anyways, i guess i just don't get why i am never considered. why is it just that woman and that man? And as a point of comparison i haven't heard any of them raise the subject of him and her getting together when we are all together, but one time when it was just the women hanging out, we discussed it, and she just said they are friends. They are actually really really close friends. Like talk all the time and very comfortable with each other, and have known each other for about 4 years. anyways, thoughts?
StalwartMind Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I wouldn't worry about it. Some groups just have a natural flow of whom is always the center of attention. As a shy outsider/peripheral person you typically observe things more and ponder about things that aren't even on the mind of other group members. While this will vary, just because you are less socially active in the group, doesn't mean that you are unnoticed. For all you know the guy could be interested in you, but due to the group chemistry all the energy is spend on the main magnets of the group. Whenever you find yourself in any type of group situation, the overall quality of enhancing your personal development/desires and interest can be greatly decreased because there is less time and room for each person to be equally attended. Couple that with each person typically be looking for their own interest first before others, then the chance of one being included diminishes even more. On a personal level, that is quite why I much prefer the company of just one other person, as it intensifies the quality greatly. This may not be of much use to you especially when you are on the shy side of things, but even shy people have a bit of bravery and sometimes enough to get things going their way. He drove you home the other day, maybe there will be another chance where you'll be able to express in a thoughtful way your appreciation and fondness of him/his kindness. Everything starts somewhere and every moment can present an opportunity for you to get where you feel you need to be in life. All the best to you and again, don't underestimate yourself or how others perhaps do notice you even if it doesn't feel like that.
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