photojunkie20 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Hey guys, I'm new here and all also needing advice, I guess I'm in a horrible situation thats destroying my mental health slowly. Its kind of a long story but I'll summarize as much as I can but some details need to be told. About three weeks ago I was at work when I guess you can say it was one of those cheesy moments almost a "love at first sight" type of things. She was newly hired and such, but something just was drawing me to her. Everytime I passed by I looked over at her and I always saw her smile at me but I never had any sort of courage to say something until one day another co-worker made it really awkward and said "Hey my friend here wants your number" and she responded with "well if he wants my number he can ask for it." Well needless to say I gave her my number and we had this...immediate connection. We talked from 7am in the morning to 4am the next day, two days later she came over and we talked even more which eventually lead to us going out on a date. We spent the entire day together at the zoo learning even more about each other and was even anxious for a second one. She wanted to go slowly with it all because she just got out of a bad relationship and I completely understood it, so we agreed we'd spread the date out and hangout inbetween. This is where the story goes down hill, Another co-worker gave her flowers the one day and it was horribly awkward for me because I was right around the corner when it happened. She didn't know about it and that much I believe. Then she brought up to me how shes not ready and just wants flings right now and go figure the fairy boy wants them too. So I have this image in my head of them making out. Not only did I withhold how much it devastated me I had other people remind me every day about it. But...we still talked the same, from early morning to late night. Well one day, she called me drunk and I lost myself and started yelling about how screwed up she is and its complete BS what shes doing. but what she said just... I'll just quote everything: "I don't want to feel anything, I don't want to be controlled again or hurt but I hate how much I like you, you're all I think about every day from when I wake up to when I go to sleep. When I talk to any other guy all I think about is YOU and how much I love talking to you and spending time with you and I hate it because I'm not ready for it but I know its selfish but I don't want anyone else to take you from me." That moment I didn't really know what to say, I was at a loss of words because of the sheer shock of it. It actually made me cry because it was that night I guess I felt what she was dealing with...and I understand what that feels like. I didn't talk to her for a few days and she asked me if I'd come over, it was 1am and well I did...and before she said anything I felt like I pretty much threw a part of me away and asked her if she would try an open relationship. She was shocked because it goes against everything I stand for, I'm a traditional guy. Right now shes thinking about it, a lot she tells me constantly asks me questions about it and the types of rules we'd set. i'm still waiting for an answer she told me she'll give me the week coming up. And despite all this, we still talk from morning to night. And I still have this same feeling that I had when I first talked to her, and she told me she feels something too. But why can't she go with this feeling instead of being afraid of it? part of me sits here and thinks I should just pack my bags and leave her behind but the other half of me says don't do it, shes worth it. I asked my friends and I still get this 50/50 response, some say walk away but others say an open relationship might help her realize what she has and the "phase" shes in will quickly go away. But currently not knowing what the answer is going to be is tearing me apart I just don't know what to do, in my eyes shes perfect in every aspect except this emotional turmoil that shes in
La.Primavera Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Sorry, but that make no absolutely no sense. If you want to date other people, fine, but if you are doing this to keep her then it is crazy. In her confession she only asked for more time, not other men. If she truly has feelings for you and doesn't want you to be with anyone else then she needs to put her fears aside and be with you, and only you. My advice would be to say you made a mistake, take back the offer and let her know it is all or nothing.
still_an_Angel Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 How is having an open relationship going to help with her emotional turmoil?
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