bestfwb Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) I've been with this guy for almost 2 years... I am at the point where it feels weird to say "I love you" because I DON'T. I love him like he's a best friend that I also have sex with and live with. He doesn't ever take me out, all of my birthday/Xmas gifts and "dinners" have just been sad and lazy...he always tells me he can't afford it, but he can afford to spend 20-40$ a week on weed! Then he tells me he is a homebody. Fine, so am I. But I am 22, and I want to live my life. People at work are always telling me, "Oh have you been here or eaten there?" and I've literally never been anywhere or done any of these things. I am a poor student, setting myself up to have a comfortable life. He's a grown man and he seems to have no motivation to move up in life from server-type jobs, except for his music, which is good for him but he has no back-up plan and his music only consistently costs him money with equipment and time practicing and outfits for "video shoots", and he's been at it for 7 years already. It just doesn't feel like he ever wants to put any real effort into anything, including our relationship. Edited May 30, 2015 by bestfwb
endlessabyss Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 Should I play a violin for you? Also, "bestfwb"? Best username ever lolz. 1
Author bestfwb Posted May 30, 2015 Author Posted May 30, 2015 Play a violin? Is the situation not as bad as it feels like from my POV?
dyna85 Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 Time to get out girl. Two years is too long for this shiz. Why would you put up with this crap for 2 years? No one is putting a gun to your head to stay with this guy. I don't get it....
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 But I am 22, and I want to live my life. Then DO IT. You are 22 yo stuck in a mediocre relationship with a man you don't love. End it. You are the only one responsible for your life and happiness. Chose to leave and to later find a man that actually IS the way you like, and not try to change him into what you'd like. 1
Author bestfwb Posted May 30, 2015 Author Posted May 30, 2015 @dyna85... I wanted to make it work, and I did love him a lot. He is madly in love with me. We live together and are invested in each other's lives. I guess I was hoping there would be a solution, but it doesn't seem like he's ever going to grow up sometimes...
Gaeta Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 @dyna85... I wanted to make it work, and I did love him a lot. He is madly in love with me. We live together and are invested in each other's lives. I guess I was hoping there would be a solution, but it doesn't seem like he's ever going to grow up sometimes... What you see is what you get. That is why it's important to date a long while before committing to someone. He is not going to change. Imagine how your future will be with a couple of kids yelling and crying. Right now is the time to go, you are very young, not married, no kids.
preraph Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 Why on earth are you just wasting your life on this guy who only wants to bang you and get high? Wouldn't you like to have someone who really wants to do things with you and isn't such a loser that he can't afford anything but wasting money on pot? 2
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 It's not likely to get any better. E-V-E-R. Trade in and trade up.
J21 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Seems like he's pretty content and feels like he's got a good deal with you. He doesn't spend money on you, yet you still stay with him. No point "changing something that isn't broken" in his perspective. You've been with him this long, so why would he think otherwise? 1
smackie9 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Tell him to step up or you are going to step out. He is not a mind reader. He thinks this arrangement is OK, you have been there for 2 years and you are still hanging around, so what do you think he's supposed to think???
Author bestfwb Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Tell him to step up or you are going to step out. He is not a mind reader. He thinks this arrangement is OK, you have been there for 2 years and you are still hanging around, so what do you think he's supposed to think??? We've talked about it before. I'll tell him again...dates and romance or I'm out. One last chance I guess. :/
CarrieT Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 We've talked about it before. I'll tell him again...dates and romance or I'm out. One last chance I guess. :/ Why bother? You shouldn't have to tell a guy how to treat you well. 1
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 You might have to use tough love to wake him up. Cut off sex and then when he says, "What's wrong"?, then he'll be ready to really listen to you and start taking you out on dates. It has to be their own idea for best results.
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