adamastor Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 I met this one girl at my new job, she was hired on the same and we quickly hit it off. We became friendly, taking our brakes together and chit chat every time we would bump into each other. She confessed she liked talking to me. I asked for her number and we started having full conversations texting. I have to say that I was the one who would initiate texting but she would always respond whithin minutes asking questions to keep the conversation rolling. A few weeks ago she resigned because she needed to travel out of state for a few weeks. I offered to hang out she would be back, to which she agreed with enthusiasm. In the mean time I added her on facebook, she accepted the request apologizing for her empty profile. Indeed nothing would show up. However I was able to spot pictures where she is tagged elsewhere. Now whatever you are tagged on shows up on your timeline UNLESS you decide to hide from someone. I know this is only facebook, but what do you guys think about it? Thanks for the input.
Art_Critic Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 just defriend her and give your time to someone else, who knows why she does it... but my guess would be her BF or a guy she has in the wings..
smackie9 Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 She doesn't know you that well, so why would she let some near stranger have a look at her personal stuff. Get over it. Just focus on taking her out when she gets back, and enjoy getting to know each other in person, not on FB. 9
kendahke Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 She doesn't know you and you're already creeping her page. Why do you think you are entitled to be all in her business already? It's her facebook account and she is entitled to grant who she wants to grant access to her business. 5
Author adamastor Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I think some people are missing the point here. This is not about facebook privacy or trying to creep up on someone. People are entitled to their privacy, no questions asked. However the concern here is more the lying and the inconsistency. Maybe if you don't have anything to hide you don't hide anything, don't you think? As much as someone is entitled to their privacy, I have the right to know if someone is making themselves available when they are not and is lying to me.
introverted1 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 However I was able to spot pictures where she is tagged elsewhere. Now whatever you are tagged on shows up on your timeline UNLESS you decide to hide from someone. This is inaccurate. I have my FB set to where I have to approve any post or picture in which I am tagged before it is added to my timeline. So it's entirely possible that she simply has not bothered to review or approve the pictures in which she's been tagged. This does not mean she has singled you out to hide things from. Why don't you just see how the relationship folds between the two of you? Not everyone lives and dies by social media. 2
kendahke Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Maybe if you don't have anything to hide you don't hide anything, don't you think? That's so non sequitur. I don't get why you're casting her as shady when you don't even know the girl. You JUST met her/started talking to her--it's not like you two were a part of a group of mutual friends from high school days and you subsequently drifted closer to one another. Besides, she's leaving town. Instead of acting like you're owed something you're not--because you two haven't even had a talk about being in a relationship yet--cool your jets already. If she feels you need to know, she's tell you. As much as someone is entitled to their privacy, I have the right to know if someone is making themselves available when they are not and is lying to me. Then ASK her; quit assuming/speculating/character assassinating.
Author adamastor Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 That's so non sequitur. I don't get why you're casting her as shady when you don't even know the girl. You JUST met her/started talking to her--it's not like you two were a part of a group of mutual friends from high school days and you subsequently drifted closer to one another. Besides, she's leaving town. Instead of acting like you're owed something you're not--because you two haven't even had a talk about being in a relationship yet--cool your jets already. If she feels you need to know, she's tell you. Then ASK her; quit assuming/speculating/character assassinating. I will restate it, it's ok for her to keep her stuff private I am not questioning that, I am not demanding for her to be all open about her life yet. She doesn't know me? Who can claim they have close relationships with people they are friends with on facebook? Still it didn't bother her enough to prevent her from giving me her phone number. But again she can chose her conduct no questions asked. The concern here is more the way she acts for what I AM concerned. My concern is that she hides her wall and pictures that other can see, while she happily gave me her number that only she can see and wants to hang out. This inconsistency sort of raised a red flag as I formed the feeling that she might hiding a bf from me, and me from a boyfriend. Ive been around and I know in relationships, whatever they are, one shouldn't trust someone too fast as not everyone is trustworthy. I don't want to have to deal with pissed boyfriend drama, nor waste my time on someone who is not available and I don't think it's an unreasonable concern.
writergal Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I will restate it, it's ok for her to keep her stuff private I am not questioning that, I am not demanding for her to be all open about her life yet. She doesn't know me? Who can claim they have close relationships with people they are friends with on facebook? Still it didn't bother her enough to prevent her from giving me her phone number. But again she can chose her conduct no questions asked. The concern here is more the way she acts for what I AM concerned. My concern is that she hides her wall and pictures that other can see, while she happily gave me her number that only she can see and wants to hang out. This inconsistency sort of raised a red flag as I formed the feeling that she might hiding a bf from me, and me from a boyfriend. Ive been around and I know in relationships, whatever they are, one shouldn't trust someone too fast as not everyone is trustworthy. I don't want to have to deal with pissed boyfriend drama, nor waste my time on someone who is not available and I don't think it's an unreasonable concern. Someone who added me to Facebook did this to me -- hid their wall, their photos, their friends. So when I asked what was the point of adding me as their FB friend, this person flipped out and ranted at me that they have never been questioned about their FB. Right then I knew this person was hiding me from their life for whatever reason, and their freak-out reaction surprised me because normal people with nothing to hide don't react like that...especially when THEY are the ones to add you to their FB. Sure you can ask your co-worker but you'll get 1 of 2 reactions; if she has something to hide she'll project her guilt on to you which will come across as an irrational rant (like what happened to me), or she will respond to your question civilly, and explain her reason. But frankly, I think she's hiding you from her FB page and I'm not sure why other than she may have a boyfriend who doesn't know about her flirtation with you. Have no idea why she'd add you if she wasn't going to let you see her photos, her wall posts and her FB friends list. It's not normal to add someone to your FB and then block them from everything. Plain and simple. 1
rester Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I know this is only facebook, but what do you guys think about it? Thanks for the input. I think the more you try to analyze Facebook behavior the less chance you have at a satisfactory relationship. It sounds like an unnecessary source of anxiety, especially if you're questioning why she's hiding things from you before you even really know her well. I would respect her right to privacy or move on. 1
oberkeat Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I met this one girl at my new job, she was hired on the same and we quickly hit it off. We became friendly, taking our brakes together and chit chat every time we would bump into each other. She confessed she liked talking to me. I asked for her number and we started having full conversations texting. I have to say that I was the one who would initiate texting but she would always respond whithin minutes asking questions to keep the conversation rolling. A few weeks ago she resigned because she needed to travel out of state for a few weeks. I offered to hang out she would be back, to which she agreed with enthusiasm. In the mean time I added her on facebook, she accepted the request apologizing for her empty profile. Indeed nothing would show up. However I was able to spot pictures where she is tagged elsewhere. Now whatever you are tagged on shows up on your timeline UNLESS you decide to hide from someone. I know this is only facebook, but what do you guys think about it? Thanks for the input. Screw this facebook BS! What happens on there is irrelevant. If you want to be part her life, you need to focus on your direct interactions with her. Not this social media silliness. 1
Haydn Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 It's up to her what you can see. Her business. I restrict people I hardly know or suspect they are stalking. Or attempting to add my friend's to their fb Or use fb for projecting. Load's of Weirdo's out there. I'd just move on if you can't deal with it. 1
Author adamastor Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Her explanation for the lack of content was that her fb was "inactive", that was her word.
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I met this one girl at my new job, she was hired on the same and we quickly hit it off. We became friendly, taking our brakes together and chit chat every time we would bump into each other. She confessed she liked talking to me. I asked for her number and we started having full conversations texting. I have to say that I was the one who would initiate texting but she would always respond whithin minutes asking questions to keep the conversation rolling. A few weeks ago she resigned because she needed to travel out of state for a few weeks. I offered to hang out she would be back, to which she agreed with enthusiasm. In the mean time I added her on facebook, she accepted the request apologizing for her empty profile. Indeed nothing would show up. However I was able to spot pictures where she is tagged elsewhere. Now whatever you are tagged on shows up on your timeline UNLESS you decide to hide from someone. I know this is only facebook, but what do you guys think about it? Thanks for the input. Who gives a crap. She friended you but doesn't want you to know all her business (yet) perhaps. Call her. Ask her for a date. 1
writergal Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Her explanation for the lack of content was that her fb was "inactive", that was her word. Technically it's not possible to have an active 'inactive' FB profile, especially if people are tagging her in photos that she's in. Sounds like a waste of time to me.
kendahke Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Who can claim they have close relationships with people they are friends with on facebook? Me, because a lot of my close friends are also on Facebook. Still it didn't bother her enough to prevent her from giving me her phone number. And anything you need to know you can call her and ask her, which is far better than speculating from a social media page. What her friends do with pictures they tag her in is beside the point. My cousins constantly tag me in pictures and posts and I've yet to approve them to show up on my timeline because I don't want them on my timeline (it's usually some xtian BS and I don't have time for that mess). But again she can chose her conduct no questions asked. As adults are within their rights to do. The concern here is more the way she acts for what I AM concerned. My concern is that she hides her wall and pictures that other can see, while she happily gave me her number that only she can see and wants to hang out. This inconsistency sort of raised a red flag as I formed the feeling that she might hiding a bf from me, and me from a boyfriend. ... considering that you don't know her, that could be the case. Have you point blank asked her if she has a boyfriend? Ive been around and I know in relationships, whatever they are, one shouldn't trust someone too fast as not everyone is trustworthy. I don't want to have to deal with pissed boyfriend drama, nor waste my time on someone who is not available and I don't think it's an unreasonable concern. Quite frankly, I think that she's letting you know that she's not available for anything more than being a co-worker/buddy; especially since she quit the job and is going to be out of town for a while. She has limited your scope in her life and her business---that means that there is someone else of greater importance that occupies the top of her priority list right now. You might be fun to chat with over lunch and on breaks at work, but her behavior doesn't say that she wants more than friendship out of you. Sure she may be telling you one thing, but her actions say quite differently. Time to find someone else and quit worrying about her.
petsrule Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 It's possible that you're not the only one who can't see what she says on FB, particularly if she's worried about a particular person accessing her posts there (like in a stalker situation) Ask her about it and see what she says.
aloneinaz Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Yes, it does sound a bit suspicious. I've never friended a new girl I was interested in or a friend and NOT seen everything on their page. I agree with the other posters. Don't put so much energy into figuring it out. Use it as a "red flag". If you're still interested in her, ask her out but in the mean time, focus on other singles out there too. 1
GemmaUK Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 She's probably like me. I have separate lists for separate viewing options. I would call myself inactive just now as the last time I even logged in was about a year ago. For me you would come under co-worker which means you don't get to see a lot. It's not as if you two are in any kind of relationship. She also has no idea what you are like online at all. For all she knows you might want to scour through all her photos and go page to the year dot of all of her timeline posts - which is weird and stalkerish - I have known a few folk who see this as OK and then you find out they are just nosey gossips...or actual stalkers!! Lol! 1
Author adamastor Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 UPDATE: I texted her today to arrange schedule a day to grab lunch together as she had suggested before. She quickly replies back agreeing to go out. Then I ask her how her weekend was to which she replies "I spent time with friends, and my boyfriend". So those faceboook red flags weren't just over analyzing. I wasn't too sure what to do next, but wanted to play it cool. I asked her how long they had been together, she replied "since age 20 (she is now 28), it's been a long time, too long!" After that she just skipped the conversation. I'm confused. 1
RoseVille Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 However I was able to spot pictures where she is tagged elsewhere. Now whatever you are tagged on shows up on your timeline UNLESS you decide to hide from someone. That's not true. I have my security settings where I have to approve pictures taken of me being posted to my timeline. But that doesn't mean they don't exist on FB; they exist on my friends' pages who uploaded the photos, as well as the pages of others who are tagged.
writergal Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 UPDATE: I texted her today to arrange schedule a day to grab lunch together as she had suggested before. She quickly replies back agreeing to go out. Then I ask her how her weekend was to which she replies "I spent time with friends, and my boyfriend". So those faceboook red flags weren't just over analyzing. I wasn't too sure what to do next, but wanted to play it cool. I asked her how long they had been together, she replied "since age 20 (she is now 28), it's been a long time, too long!" After that she just skipped the conversation. I'm confused. Aaand I called it. I knew she had a boyfriend. No, you weren't over-analyzing like some others claimed that you were. She has a boyfriend. That's why she hid you from her definitely active Facebook. Pft. Don't be confused. She's been with her boyfriend for 8 years, is bored, so she flirted with you and misled you to believe she was single. If she no longer works at your company, has a boyfriend, blocks you from her Facebook; what exactly is your incentive for keeping in touch with her? At this point I think you should just forget about spending any time with her, unless you're ok with just being her platonic friend that she likes to flirt with. 2
ASG Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 This is inaccurate. I have my FB set to where I have to approve any post or picture in which I am tagged before it is added to my timeline. So it's entirely possible that she simply has not bothered to review or approve the pictures in which she's been tagged. This does not mean she has singled you out to hide things from. Why don't you just see how the relationship folds between the two of you? Not everyone lives and dies by social media. I have mine so that tagged pictures of me can only be viewed... by me! So there is NOTHING on the "Photos of ASG" part of my profile for anyone who is looking. That "folder" is full of lovely pics, though. So if you're friends with my friends, you'll see me tagged in their posts/photos on their timeline, but not so on my timeline.
Author adamastor Posted June 2, 2015 Author Posted June 2, 2015 Aaand I called it. I knew she had a boyfriend. No, you weren't over-analyzing like some others claimed that you were. She has a boyfriend. That's why she hid you from her definitely active Facebook. Pft. Don't be confused. She's been with her boyfriend for 8 years, is bored, so she flirted with you and misled you to believe she was single. If she no longer works at your company, has a boyfriend, blocks you from her Facebook; what exactly is your incentive for keeping in touch with her? At this point I think you should just forget about spending any time with her, unless you're ok with just being her platonic friend that she likes to flirt with. Yes, thank you for seeing the bigger pictures you figured it out quite well!
writergal Posted June 2, 2015 Posted June 2, 2015 Yes, thank you for seeing the bigger pictures you figured it out quite well! Eh, well, it was a good guess? So what have you decided to do, now that you know she has a boyfriend?
Recommended Posts