Ex Girlfriend Gets In touch with me

[frigginlost]

Thank you for sharing your stories aloneinaz and frigginlost.

 

Doesn't matter how you look at my story, the fact is a fact, she wants to re-establish contact and wants to communicate with me again.

 

She is not gonna come out of her shell guns blazing saying "I want you back, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I made a mistake" no, most of the times, that's not how it works, many test the waters beforehand (like my ex girlfriend is doing right now).

 

My Ex Girlfriend wanted to remain friends with me after the breakup, in fact she tried her best to keep me as a friend, but I shot her down "twice" made it clear that I don't want to be a part of her life anymore and cut communication off completely. She is clearly not after friendship, that much I can tell.

 

Here's what is going to happen in the future:

 

- After some time, she is going to give her best shot at reconciliation

 

- She would keep me as a Plan-B till other attractive prospect shows up and boom she would be in a relationship again, without having any sort of time being single, things would happen very quickly, this relationship of her's would be even shorter than her last one, mainly because she is jumping relationships, her new relationship would feel just like the last relationship, which automatically would start making her thinking about me and how special our relationship truly was and she threw away that for what?

 

or

 

- She would now take her time off from relationships and be single for a while in order to straighten herself out on what she really wants and I am pretty sure she would reach out to me again, the reason I know this is because I know how well I have treated her.

 

Now as for me, the chances are highly likely that by the time she has made up her mind, I would be with someone else, in that case it would be her loss.

 

The bottom line here is this, if she can't remain single for a couple of months, the reconciliation is definitely not happening.

 

Bravo, sir. That without a doubt, is one of the most level-headed things I have read on these boards, and is absolutely spot on in a healthy way of looking at things.

[aloneinaz]

much I can tell.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now as for me, the chances are highly likely that by the time she has made up her mind, I would be with someone else, in that case it would be her loss.

 

The bottom line here is this, if she can't remain single for a couple of months, the reconciliation is definitely not happening.

 

 

I kind of agree with the poster above. If you know you don't want to reconcile with her, send a short email and say "hope your well but to be crystal clear, I have no aspirations of any kind of relationship with you". End it with "Take care".. Cut her off at the pass..

 

 

You're risking bringing all your emotions back up and reliving some of the break up drama. I ignored my ex's attempts to send a message. Clearly, it didn't work. I can share that her re-contacting did have an impact on my emotions as I had to relive all our past again. In a lot of ways, I'd of been perfectly happy to never of heard from her again.

 

 

I'm a strong proponent of once a relationship breaks up, especially if they leave the relationship for another, then it should stay broken. In my experiences and most that friends have had, reconciliations rarely last any length of time. The amazing excitement of the reconnection passes and you're right back to the same ole, same ole with all the same problems that caused the initial break up.

 

 

It sounds like your ex was like my ex. She didn't like to be alone. After we ended, she dated for a couple of months then had that 2 month relationship then tried to get me back. She divorced and never had time alone as she jumped from relationship to relationship.. My Mom always said "people don't change", and there was a lot of truth to that statement.

 

 

Either way, keep us updated on how this plays out and clearly you need to do what you think is best for you.

[frigginlost]

I kind of agree with the poster above. If you know you don't want to reconcile with her, send a short email and say "hope your well but to be crystal clear, I have no aspirations of any kind of relationship with you". End it with "Take care".. Cut her off at the pass..

 

 

You're risking bringing all your emotions back up and reliving some of the break up drama. I ignored my ex's attempts to send a message. Clearly, it didn't work. I can share that her re-contacting did have an impact on my emotions as I had to relive all our past again. In a lot of ways, I'd of been perfectly happy to never of heard from her again.

 

 

I'm a strong proponent of once a relationship breaks up, especially if they leave the relationship for another, then it should stay broken. In my experiences and most that friends have had, reconciliations rarely last any length of time. The amazing excitement of the reconnection passes and you're right back to the same ole, same ole with all the same problems that caused the initial break up.

 

 

It sounds like your ex was like my ex. She didn't like to be alone. After we ended, she dated for a couple of months then had that 2 month relationship then tried to get me back. She divorced and never had time alone as she jumped from relationship to relationship.. My Mom always said "people don't change", and there was a lot of truth to that statement.

 

 

Either way, keep us updated on how this plays out and clearly you need to do what you think is best for you.

 

Fantastic point. I think looking into ones "patterns" can really give an indication of where the road of RC is going to lead. If the OP's ex has shown this sort of pattern, then I fully agree with you that the limb needs to be cutoff for good.

[Simon Phoenix]

She is not gonna come out of her shell guns blazing saying "I want you back, you were the best thing that ever happened to me and I made a mistake" no, most of the times, that's not how it works, many test the waters beforehand (like my ex girlfriend is doing right now).

.

 

Actually, pretty much all of the successful reconciliations that have happened to people I know in my life have had this happen. Hell, I've had an ex-girlfriend say this exact thing to me and I turned her down. I think you are reading way too much into things and are setting yourself up for a potential fall. Do not assume anything -- it's up to her to make any moves. There are several stories on this site about exes doing what your ex is doing, the dumpee assuming it means something about reconciliation, only to be burned.

 

I think you are handling yourself fine on the surface, but your assumptions are setting you up for prodigious failure if you continue to let them drive your thinking. You are tiptoeing on dangerous ground right now. You need to be more careful and less assumptive.

Edited June 2, 2015 by Simon Phoenix

[Karin2rinkashi]

I'm gonna go against the grain...

 

The OP seems to be extremely in tune with what is happening. He's thinking logically, and I don't think he would be game to her trying to pull the wool over his eyes, nor do I think he would go the RC route blindly.

 

Not all dumpers who come back end up leaving again. If that were fact, I would have never been born.

 

My parents split after dating for a year and a half. They got back together a year later and were married for 35 years until my father's death...

 

Did your mother leave your dad, or your dad leave your mother for someone else?

Or was it a simple break up due to incompatibility.

 

That is a big factor... what the break up was about?

 

OP should keep that in mind.... Happy Endings are just that, Happy ENDINGS!

 

Starts are always new! Is this a new start? Or is she just trying to dig out old feelings from within your heart...

 

Is she willing to be friends? To start a new friendship and then something? Will she wait for him? Will she work hard to earn his trust? Has she even, ONCE, acknowledged that she ****ed up?

 

If not, how did the problem solve itself if it wasn't even recognized in the first place?

[frigginlost]

Did your mother leave your dad, or your dad leave your mother for someone else?

Or was it a simple break up due to incompatibility.

 

That is a big factor... what the break up was about?

 

OP should keep that in mind.... Happy Endings are just that, Happy ENDINGS!

 

Starts are always new! Is this a new start? Or is she just trying to dig out old feelings from within your heart...

 

Is she willing to be friends? To start a new friendship and then something? Will she wait for him? Will she work hard to earn his trust? Has she even, ONCE, acknowledged that she ****ed up?

 

If not, how did the problem solve itself if it wasn't even recognized in the first place?

 

Mother left Father for someone else. She thought there was a "better" future with the other guy. Instead, she realized that she walked away from a man that would love her like no other.

 

She was right.

 

It was not easy for my Father to RC with her (so I was told) but he never stopped loving her while she was away. He dated others, but there was no true connection.

 

My Mother phoned him one day, they met up, and the rest is history...

[Holmes85]

The thing is, if you ask me whether I'm open for a possibility of reconciliation? Yes, I am.

 

But not to mistake it with that I am going to open doors for her, roll out the red carpet and with open arms welcome her back, like this was the moment I have been waiting for. No definitely not. You do not treat someone like royalty, especially when you consider what she has done, it is something that should be earned.

 

It's up to her to convince me that she has messed up and she wants a reconciliation. So far she has put no effort in anything and playing it safe. As Ruby already pointed out, playing it safe won't get her anywhere and being friends is out of the option. So she has to put her walls down and have to approach with more personal and direct message (considering she is serious about it).

 

As for her brother, I got annoyed with him constantly asking me things, I told him that his sister messaged me (he was acting like all surprised and stuff), further more he asked me what did she say to me, anything special or meaningful, my response to his message was "what your sister wrote to me, was nothing more than pure garbage", the point to get accross was that he shouldn't be asking anything on that matter anymore (and he did stop), the second was, if he was already passing information to her sister of the events, it was essential for her to know that what she wrote had no worth to me, so either way I got my point accross.

 

Would she reach out to me again? The possibility is higher. Am I wasting my time holding on whether she would message me again or not? The answer is no, that would be an utter waste of time.

[STM206]

The fact that she says "it's whatever" if you decide to reply or not is enough of a sign to me to say IGNORE.

 

If she wants to reconcile, she will contact you again... You have the power in your hands right now (which many of us don't get the chance at) make use of it and leave her hanging just like she left you hanging.

[Holmes85]

STM206,

 

You are absolutely right.

 

I have not responsed to her second E-Mail. Like I said previously, there is nothing to reply based on the answer she gave me.

[Holmes85]

Seems like I should update some of the information since my last post.

 

I did not respond to her second E-Mail, neither did she contact me again for the past 11 days (which is a good thing).

 

Yesterday her brother caught up with me again, we talked about casual things, till he asked if I have heard something from her sister. I mentioned to him that I have not responded to her E-Mail, after that he started to be more open with me and willingly shared some of the information regarding her sister.

 

He said when he contacted me last week, a couple of weeks back, she has broke up with the new Guy, who broke up with who, that he doesn't know, but they are broken up. Further more he shared, that he didn't like the guy one bit, didn't say anything to him unless he needed to. Even his parents said (according to him of course) that they don't know what she see's in him.

 

He also mentioned that she has been going out a lot lately and has made a lot of new friends, mostly are all guys and many of them seem to be A-Holes. he mentioned that one of her friends, who he has good contact with said that she does not approve the lifestyle she's leading right now with her one other friend, who seem to be influenced by a third girl who likes to drink and party a lot. Since she is getting more attention from the guys, she is also seeing one dude a lot, he asked her about him and she mentioned that "he's just a friend" ....that's where i replied to him, well it seems similar to last year doesn't it, she said the same to you and to me when breaking up with me. He agreed.

 

I said to him that it was quite clear to me that she has broken up with her boyfriend, the way she wrote the E-Mail, I said she's contacting me after a year to catch up, when she could have cared less if I got hit by the bus when she broke up with me. He agreed that what she's doing is wrong.

 

I have a feeling that she would contact me again at some point, especially next month on my Birthday and throw one more crumb at me and let's be honest, she needs a reason to contact without making it seem like she's interested, but I have decided that I won't reply to just a mere Happy Birthday text, I would reply to something that is worth replying to me.

 

It's ironic isn't it, that last year she was on the top of the world when she left me for another guy and now here she is, a year later, still coming to this one guy, tip toe'ing her way to get back into my life. Even if she gets into a new relationship, it doesn't bother me one bit at all, because oddly enough, I have a feeling that relationship won't last either, which would automatically make her think more about me, if she remains single, she would contact me, if she gets into another relationship, she'll start realizing my worth more and more which would go the same route to contact me. Either way it doesn't matter anymore, by the time she actually reaches me honestly, she would realize that the train left the station a year ago.

[SoThatHappened]

Holmes,

 

I have to admit, I've been in your situation and even now (after a year since the breakup and 9 months since she last contacted me to apologize) I would love some contact from her.

 

However, I have some advice that I really think you should follow:

 

- Act like this girl died and become a ghost.

 

It's the only thing you can do to move on. Tell her brother that you have nothing against him, but you have to sever all ties with her to complete your healing process.

 

This information will definitely get to your ex, and she will probably sh** her panties thinking "Holmes has decided to completely move on... uh oh..."

 

It's a win-win.

 

You FINALLY and completely make that decision to put a dagger in this chapter of your life, and the one for which you're pining gets to deal with the guilt and sadness of finally losing you for good.

 

Then... move on.

 

Win - nothing happens after this point between you and your ex and you both move on.

 

Win - she finally says all the right things to convey she'll do anything to get you back.

 

Super-win if the second (and least likely option) occurs and you couldn't give a flying fornication.

 

Time to live your life as if she never existed.

[aloneinaz]

after that he started to be more open with me and willingly shared some of the information regarding her sister.

 

 

Holmes, you really need to step back from communicating with your exes family until you're completely over this ex from a year ago. I think you also should of cut him off when he brought her up to you. You could of simply told him "listen, your sis and are ancient history and I'd rather not discuss her or hear about what she's doing"..

 

 

I have a feeling that she would contact me again at some point, especially next month on my Birthday and throw one more crumb at me and let's be honest,

 

Even if she gets into a new relationship, it doesn't bother me one bit at all, because oddly enough, I have a feeling that relationship won't last either, which would automatically make her think more about me, if she remains single, she would contact me, if she gets into another relationship, she'll start realizing my worth more and more which would go the same route to contact me. Either way it doesn't matter anymore, by the time she actually reaches me honestly, she would realize that the train left the station a year ago.

 

 

The concern here to me is why you're putting so much thought and energy into someone who dumped you a year ago. She threw out one email to see if she had you wrapped around her finger. This post kind of illustrates that she does. If she valued YOUR worth, she wouldn't of dumped you and would be with your today.

 

 

Personally, you'd be ssoo much better off spending all this brain power, time and energy on searching for your next GF vs. giving a hoot about someone who ejected you out of her life a year ago.

[Holmes85]

I think I should update this because it's been almost a month since her last E-Mail.

 

I did not respond to her second E-Mail, the reason simply was there was nothing about that second E-Mail that deserved a reply.

 

I did not hear anything from her end, my logic was indicating that since she's not reaching out to me, there must be someone else in the picture, whether it's her newly Ex or someone new, seems like I wasn't disappointed on this, through a mutual friend who I don't talk with often, I saw the recent pictures of my Ex-Girlfriend with someone new, the way the pictures were taken, it's clear that they are a couple.

 

It's ironic isn't it, last year around the same time when she left me to be with someone else, I was an emotional wreck, now a year later history repeats itself, 3 weeks into her recent breakup, I get an E-mail from her and within 3 weeks she's with someone new. She was definitely emotionally cheating on me with the other dude and seems like she again repeated herself by jumping into another one.

 

I surprisingly felt nothing looking at the picture, all I saw was someone immature, weak and selfish.

 

I don't know why, but in the back of my mind, there is a voice telling me that she is definitely going to reach out to me again, once her new romance fizzles out, she is going to put more effort in her breadcrumbs. Also I think this relationship of hers might be shorter than the last one, I might be wrong, but it doesn't matter.

 

Seems like she's playing with all her new toys at the moment, I also take pride in knowing that I was and still am her longest relationship to date. I don't wish anything bad for her, I do care for her as a person, but there is nothing I can do for her.

[foolinlove79]

This is always what my ex does. It is always when he has tried to get an rs started with someone else or a rs he started hasnt worked out and he is bored and lonely. I am the fall back and have been for years.

 

As far as replying goes is purely up to you.

 

If you do reply the next thing will be her suggesting a catch up...

[Chi townD]

I like your user name Holmes. Because, you analyzed this thing like Sherlock would. Let me remind you of something you wrote in your other thread.

 

 

"Tells me she wants nothing more than friends, she says she feels bad for what she did, but thats life (her words)."

 

 

You see how she treated you? That she feels bad (remorseful) but that's life (but oh well! Sucks to be you!) She didn't care about your feelings or what she was doing to you. Everything she did was selfishly motivated.

 

 

Now, she sent you an email out of the blue and your deduction was correct. She did break up with the boyfriend. But, you held off and watched rather than jump in with both feet. You discovered that contacting you didn't make you special. You were one of several possible suitors she was gathering.

 

 

So, good job on seeing through the BS and being vigilant! I think you saved yourself from a lot of heartache.