katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Yeah, if it were me I would have talked when he originally called too...if only because I would want to know what he decided sooner rather than later. That said, your choosing to wait until later to talk because of plans you made with your daughter certainly does not justify him not wanting to move forward. I think he decided before he called he did not want to move forward, and his actions (or non-action) since then reflect that. Jmo. 1
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 It's possible he didn't get my text these things happen. It's never that. Can I ask what might be a somewhat insensitive question?
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 It's never that. Can I ask what might be a somewhat insensitive question? You can ask anything lol, I don't get easily offended
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 UPDATE; I texted him to cut the bridge. He replied I am a very nice and honest lady but because of the situation he would prefer we just be very good friends. Well, I don't happen to be looking for friends so....I said my good bye. 3
jen1447 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Yeah, at least you saw it coming. Ok, question is, is hsv-2 transmittable via oral contact? If so, well you already did that, right?
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Yeah, at least you saw it coming. Ok, question is, is hsv-2 transmittable via oral contact? If so, well you already did that, right? We had a whole debate about that in another thread. There are no medical record of hsv-2 on the mouth and my doctor told me it doesn't transmit on the mouth. You can get hsv-1 from the mouth to genital though.
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 We had a whole debate about that in another thread. There are no medical record of hsv-2 on the mouth and my doctor told me it doesn't transmit on the mouth. You can get hsv-1 from the mouth to genital though. And yes my ex-bfs did perfom oral on me with no worries. As an hsv-2 carrier I am immunized to hsv-1 so even if I have a bf with hsv-1 on mouth I cannot get it on genital. Warning: if you have hsv-1 you are only immunized to hsv-2 at 40%.
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 UPDATE; I texted him to cut the bridge. **He replied I am a very nice and honest lady but *** because of the situation he would prefer we just be very good friends. Well, I don't happen to be looking for friends so....I said my good bye. Ouch! I am so sorry Gaeta, but as jen said, at least you saw it coming. Not sure if that helps though....his response was cold. ((hugs)) 2
Gloria25 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I'm sorry Gaeta, but that's the good thing about HSV, it'll help you weed out the people who don't want something serious with you. I think he's an immature jerk for not even having the decency to let you know that it was over and "why" it was over - even if it was via text. Eh, but then again, you only knew him for 2 weeks. Maybe he didn't see it as much as an investment in a connection. But, then again, maybe he was a player. I mean, soo much, soo soon (two weeks) could be a guy just trying to wine/dine/romance you and then boink you and run off. This mature woman (about 50's) called my fav podcaster about a similar situation. Whirlwind romance in a month, they were boinking and poof, he ended it. Mind you, this guy from day one was giving her all the "talk" to wet her panties. I gotta couple of questions for you though.... 1) How did you present it to him? Did you tell him whether or not you were on antivirals? The rates of transmission - that decline with age and/or the use of antivirals, condoms, etc? I mean, I believe in a "problem/solution" approach to dealing with things and I believe that if you presented him with the overall picture of HSV - he probably would of had some tools to look into that would allow him to make an informed decision. I mean, there are people who are married for years and don't transmit it to each other. I mean, I know of people who had the clap, HIV, etc. and, yes, some of the pictures of HSV are scary....but, your average person - who takes care of themselves barely have to deal with outbreaks (maybe a few times a year and that's about it). I even worked with a chick who was literally the sluttt of the military unit. Everyone knew she had herpes and guys were still lining up to get with her. One of them even left his wife and kids for her. On top of the herpes, nothing but drama with her and she never had guys stop knocking on her door. Now, granted she was an attractive chick - but come on, herpes and drama? Are guys that horny/desperate? 2) Since you're already on OLD, have you considered going to dating sites with people who also have HSV? Yeah, maybe it might narrow your choices a bit, but then again, you could be able to meet someone w/o HSV being an issue. Forget him and good luck!!! Edited May 31, 2015 by Gloria25
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I'm sorry Gaeta, but that's the good thing about HSV, it'll help you weed out the people who don't want something serious with you. Actually it's quite the contrary. I remember when I got this my friends had the same reaction Oh dear it's a blessing in disguise that will filter the players. No, my experience so far has been players are the quickest to say yes. Men seeking serious relationships are the ones with a little more resistance. They don't want to have to use condoms forever with their lady. They don't have to but It's their reasoning. 1) How did you present it to him? Did you tell him whether or not you were on antivirals? The rates of transmission - that decline with age and/or the use of antivirals, condoms, etc? I have been doing this for a long time so I got to perfect my technique. I tell an important amount of info in a short sentence including asymptomatic, antivirals, risks close to nothing. I tell them to not google, if they need info I will provide them with real medical references or they can call their doctor. 2) Since you're already on OLD, have you considered going to dating sites with people who also have HSV? Yeah, maybe it might narrow your choices a bit, but then again, you could be able to meet someone w/o HSV being an issue. I tried that place and I don't want to hear about it. It's an underground sex trade platform. There is about 10 men from my city on there and I only get messages from American men offering to fly me to them for sex. I went to dinner with a man from on there. He told me he would prefer to spend the rest of his life alone than to tell someone he has hsv. I got out of there and thought this is not me. I don't belong in that group.
Author Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) I just told someone: Handsome man - above average. A little younger 43. We had lunch together last week. He is 100% fine with it. BUT, he wants to go with the flow (he told me that before lunch).........I don't do with the flow. That's another expression for fwb. Edited May 31, 2015 by Gaeta 1
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I'm sorry Gaeta, but that's the good thing about HSV, it'll help you weed out the people who don't want something serious with you. I think he's an immature jerk for not even having the decency to let you know that it was over and "why" it was over - even if it was via text. Eh, but then again, you only knew him for 2 weeks. Maybe he didn't see it as much as an investment in a connection. But, then again, maybe he was a player. I mean, soo much, soo soon (two weeks) could be a guy just trying to wine/dine/romance you and then boink you and run off. This mature woman (about 50's) called my fav podcaster about a similar situation. Whirlwind romance in a month, they were boinking and poof, he ended it. Mind you, this guy from day one was giving her all the "talk" to wet her panties. I gotta couple of questions for you though.... 1) How did you present it to him? Did you tell him whether or not you were on antivirals? The rates of transmission - that decline with age and/or the use of antivirals, condoms, etc? I mean, I believe in a "problem/solution" approach to dealing with things and I believe that if you presented him with the overall picture of HSV - he probably would of had some tools to look into that would allow him to make an informed decision. I mean, there are people who are married for years and don't transmit it to each other. I mean, I know of people who had the clap, HIV, etc. and, yes, some of the pictures of HSV are scary....but, your average person - who takes care of themselves barely have to deal with outbreaks (maybe a few times a year and that's about it). I even worked with a chick who was literally the sluttt of the military unit. Everyone knew she had herpes and guys were still lining up to get with her. One of them even left his wife and kids for her. On top of the herpes, nothing but drama with her and she never had guys stop knocking on her door. Now, granted she was an attractive chick - but come on, herpes and drama? Are guys that horny/desperate? 2) Since you're already on OLD, have you considered going to dating sites with people who also have HSV? Yeah, maybe it might narrow your choices a bit, but then again, you could be able to meet someone w/o HSV being an issue. Forget him and good luck!!! Well asymptomatic herpes people shed/transmit like 6-7 days a year or something I thought? As long as she doesn't have an outbreak, I'd line right up too Lol.
Gloria25 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Actually it's quite the contrary. I remember when I got this my friends had the same reaction Oh dear it's a blessing in disguise that will filter the players. No, my experience so far has been players are the quickest to say yes. Men seeking serious relationships are the ones with a little more resistance. They don't want to have to use condoms forever with their lady. They don't have to but It's their reasoning. Well asymptomatic herpes people shed/transmit like 6-7 days a year or something I thought? As long as she doesn't have an outbreak, I'd line right up too Lol. Ok, now Gloria25 has not had a drink today...yet I can't believe I'm reading this... Are my eyes fooling me? I thought that last thing a guy wants out of a casual encounter is to get something...But I guess Dane Cook was right. I mean he even had a joke about this, how some guys would be like 'well, even though you have a sore there, can I put my penis to the right of it?' But seriously, this just doesn't make sense for me. I'm thinking the person that would want something serious with a HSV carrier would be the quickest to say "yes" rather than a player. Cuz come on, a player wants to hit it and quit it. So, if you are gonna give them something permanent like HSV, they are not on board... Now, a person that wants something serious and is into you? I thought they would see HSV as "nothing", cuz hello, they are signing up to be with you for the longhaul and would look past HSV. I mean, from what I've heard/read about it, many married couples don't see it as an "issue", many don't even transmit it to each other. They simply use antivirals, condoms and/or stop sex if there are signs of an impending outbreak. Not that complicated and/or detrimental to an RL if you ask me. I could see where someone who wants something casual that HSV would be a problem cuz yea, they probably don't wanna use condoms, they probably wanna do oral/anal and/or a whole host of stuff...cuz it's just sex. But, then again, guys slap on condoms and insert their penises in hookers and/or get bjs from hookers w/o dental dams. They aren't kissing, licking, and/or much with the hooker - so I guess they don't see themselves as putting themselves at risk for something? Even though a hooker is probably carrying God-knows-what? 1
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 UPDATE; I texted him to cut the bridge. He replied I am a very nice and honest lady but because of the situation he would prefer we just be very good friends. Well, I don't happen to be looking for friends so....I said my good bye. what an assclown.. what situation, the one where he is a dick... geez... 3
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I am thinking the reality is...every guy will have a different reaction regardless of whether or not he wants casual or something more serious. Some players will be okay with it, some won't. Some guys who want LTR will be okay with it, some won't. All you can do is be honest and let the chips fall where they may.. 2
katiegrl Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 (edited) what an assclown.. what situation, the one where he is a dick... geez... Why is he an assclown? Ignorant, yes definitely!! But an assclown? They had a couple of dates. He has the right to not be comfortable with it if that's how he feels... He did call her to talk about it, but the timing wasn't good for Gaeta. Who knows if he would have called back...but after only a couple of dates under their belts, does it really matter? He is not comfortable with it....doesn't make him an assclown or a dick. Jeez. Edited May 31, 2015 by katiegrl
Gloria25 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Why is he an assclown? Ignorant, yes definitely!! But an assclown? They had a couple of dates. He has the right to not be comfortable with it if that's how he feels... He did call her to talk about it, but the timing wasn't good for Gaeta. Who knows if he would have called back...but after only a couple of dates under their belts, does it really matter? He is not comfortable with it....doesn't make him an assclown or a dick. Jeez. It's "how" he went about it... He flaked and she had to call/text him to death to get him to respond. And, then, even though he's almost a century old referred to her HSV as "the situation". WTF is that? Say, I'm afraid I might get it...etc. "the situation" doesn't explain what his concerns/fears/etc were about the HSV. 2
Art_Critic Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Why is he an assclown? Ignorant, yes definitely!! But an assclown? They had a couple of dates. He has the right to not be comfortable with it if that's how he feels... He had NO right to make her feel uncomfortable though.. that made him an assclown.. they had a a couple of dates and as such he is EXPECTED to respect her, he never even contacted her to give her an answer.. she had to contact him for the finality. by her opening herself up and becoming vulnerable to him he had a choice, to respect her and give her an answer or to disrespect her and go silent, then he chose to dismiss her with a situation excuse.. damn.. he just blamed her.. he choose the be an assclown IMO... When I was young, single and dating I was ten times the man he showed her he was.. of course I'm still the same guy today.. but no longer single.. 2
Gloria25 Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 He had NO right to make her feel uncomfortable though.. that made him an assclown.. they had a a couple of dates and as such he is EXPECTED to respect her, he never even contacted her to give her an answer.. she had to contact him for the finality. by her opening herself up and becoming vulnerable to him he had a choice, to respect her and give her an answer or to disrespect her and go silent, then he chose to dismiss her with a situation excuse.. damn.. he just blamed her.. he choose the be an assclown IMO... When I was young, single and dating I was ten times the man he showed her he was.. of course I'm still the same guy today.. but no longer single.. Arrrgh!!! Reminds me of the Sex and the City where Berger or whatever his last name was broke up with Carrie on a freakin "Post-It"....THE MORNING AFTER THEY HAD SEX!!!! Mind you, Carrie put up with his lame sex, insecurities, lack of style/etc. and she gets a freakin "post-it"??!!!??? I was sooo with her when she slapped over the vase of flowers (I think he brought them for her?). Yes, we women do get sad and upset when you have to do the break-up and I can see where guys don't wanna deal with the tears and drama - cuz there's no such thing as a good break up, but again, how he handled it was wrong with a capital "W". 3
Author Gaeta Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 Why is he an assclown? Assclown sounded good to me. He said he would call Thursday he didn't I contacted him Friday Saturday he said he would call back he didn't I contacted him Sunday. 1
writergal Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 I think online dating makes people think that they don't have to have good manners with the strangers they chat with online, or meet for a couple of dates, before they realize they're not interested in pursuing anything with that person. This guy had bad manners to not be honest with Gaeta and tell her he wasn't interested. 3
katiegrl Posted June 1, 2015 Posted June 1, 2015 Assclown sounded good to me. He said he would call Thursday he didn't I contacted him Friday Saturday he said he would call back he didn't I contacted him Sunday. Okay Gaeta....but you forgot to mention how he *did* call, but you were not available to talk. Maybe he interpreted that as meaning you would rather not talk at all and just let it fade out...who knows. Could he have handled it better...more sensitively and respectfully? Yes! I just think deeming him an assclown and dick is a little extreme, but if you feel that's what he is....far be it for me to say you are wrong. Feelings are never right or wrong..they just are what they are. Again...I am sorry. 1
Author Gaeta Posted June 1, 2015 Author Posted June 1, 2015 (edited) I was the very first woman he was meeting online. He was really worried and nervous. He asked to meet in a park he could not handle sitting in a coffee shop face to face. Then he told me if he gets to the park and he doesn't like me right away he won't be able to stay and pretend for an hour, if he doesn't like my looks or my vibe he will tell me nicely and he will leave. Well I am over confident so I went lol. But that alone should have told me he's got problems , and cannot manage, uncomfortable situations. Edited June 1, 2015 by Gaeta 1
Recommended Posts