ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 You dont have sex like that with just anyone Players do. People like him take what they want when it suits them. It's not a serious interest; it's getting attention and companionship and easy sex that keeps them going. You say he's a known cheater. That should have put you on high alert when he started pulling closer. He lacks a moral compass and is self-serving, in that sense. It's going to be better this way for you in the long run. You don't need a "friend" like that. 1
pidgeon1010 Posted May 30, 2015 Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) You dont have sex like that with just anyone Sorry to say but yes they do. That's the art of being a player. Unless a guy tells you he wants to be in a relationship with you and acts accordingly, never assume what his intentions are. Unfortunately it seems like all he wanted is sex (if he wanted more, he would have told you) and once he realized you were expecting more, based on the fact that you confronted him about the mixed messages, he bailed. He either has a new FWB or found someone he wants to be in a relationship with (and will probably cheat on based on what you've said). Whatever it is, I say good riddance. Try and move on. Edited May 30, 2015 by pidgeon1010
ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I don't see any point in it really, unless you knew each other for quite awhile before being FWBs. Had this same problem. FWB blew me off because I got feelings. Two weeks later, I met my now ex. The FWB was furious and jealous. Tried to get me to leave my ex at the bar to go have sex with him several times. Pursued me up until he left to be stationed somewhere else, and always tried to fight with my ex. I don't understand these FWB situations at times. He acted like a jealous ex who was only interested when I moved on. FWB should have clear expectations. If one person gets feelings, call it off and don't look back.
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 He didn't bail because I got feelings. I didn't tell him until afterwards that the mixed messages confused me.
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 I don't see any point in it really, unless you knew each other for quite awhile before being FWBs. Had this same problem. FWB blew me off because I got feelings. Two weeks later, I met my now ex. The FWB was furious and jealous. Tried to get me to leave my ex at the bar to go have sex with him several times. Pursued me up until he left to be stationed somewhere else, and always tried to fight with my ex. I don't understand these FWB situations at times. He acted like a jealous ex who was only interested when I moved on. FWB should have clear expectations. If one person gets feelings, call it off and don't look back. I don't understand either. When I mentioned a male friend he said who's that in a demanding tone. Why did he care.
Itspointless Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Had this same problem. FWB blew me off because I got feelings. Two weeks later, I met my now ex. The FWB was furious and jealous. Tried to get me to leave my ex at the bar to go have sex with him several times. Pursued me up until he left to be stationed somewhere else, and always tried to fight with my ex. I don't understand these FWB situations at times. He acted like a jealous ex who was only interested when I moved on. FWB should have clear expectations. If one person gets feelings, call it off and don't look back. I don't understand either. When I mentioned a male friend he said who's that in a demanding tone. Why did he care. Two examples of people sleepwalking: unwilling to look under their own hood and identity their needs and fear for closeness. They both managed to keep you at a distance. But their ego's still felt abandoned and disregarded when you choose someone else. Such man (and woman) use sex as a easy way to get a kind intimacy that they can handle. 1
Methodical Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 Perfect example of why some FWB ends very badly. One friend begins to develop romantic feelings and wants the relationship to progress to something that was never supposed to be from the beginning. I have a LDR situation that's a FWB kind of thing occasionally. She regularly sees other people and shares the encounters with me. I'm ALWAYS happy for her. I look forward to hearing about her endeavors. In fact, I try to encourage her, be supportive, and never once, ever, have I felt slighted or used. It makes me happy to hear the excitement and exhilaration in her tone when she's sharing. I love it. We're both grown women and understand where we stand. From the onset of our relationship we agreed the friendship would come first. As I said in an earlier post, if the benefits ended I'd still want to maintain our friendship because I care about HER, the benefits are great, but the person is special and dear to me. To lose that would be far worse than losing the benefits (altho the benefits are an awesome perk, as I mentioned). Everything has to be kept in proper perspective, which is often difficult in FWB. You can't change the rules or expect the other person to change midstream. You love them for who they are and hopefully that person is an amazing friend with integrity.
pidgeon1010 Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 He didn't bail because I got feelings. I didn't tell him until afterwards that the mixed messages confused me. You may not have told him but he probably sensed it. The same way you say he was behaving like he wanted a relationship, you were probably responding to that and he could tell you wanted more. When you finally did say something, that was confirmation for him that his decision was the right one. And let's say he had no idea you were starting to develop feelings and wanted more but left you to be with another person. That in and of itself tells you he only wanted a FWB with you on his terms and for a time that worked for him (while giving you mixed signals). You don't want to be friends with a player and cheater. He's not worth it.
Author Amelie1980 Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 You may not have told him but he probably sensed it. The same way you say he was behaving like he wanted a relationship, you were probably responding to that and he could tell you wanted more. When you finally did say something, that was confirmation for him that his decision was the right one. And let's say he had no idea you were starting to develop feelings and wanted more but left you to be with another person. That in and of itself tells you he only wanted a FWB with you on his terms and for a time that worked for him (while giving you mixed signals). You don't want to be friends with a player and cheater. He's not worth it. I am a bit vulnerable. My therapist said he I will see him again when he is single and horny to use me again. 1
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