accident_prone Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 been seeing her for about three weeks. probably 2ish times per week. been on a couple nice real dates along with a couple lazy movie nights. she's very affectionate and all over me (a good amount) we makeout and fool around a lot the first week and then naturally slept together last week. it was great. not weird (afterwards or in the week to follow) and felt very right. since then we've found ourselves twice again in that position and she's all over me and it gets heated fast and she's giving me some heavy signals but twice now within a few days when that happens i have tried to move further and she stops me. it is a bit confusing to me. i don't mind not doing it all the time but i feel that since we crossed that barrier already then it wouldn't be objectable the next time. i don't want to keep pushing when we inevitably find ourselves there again and make her uncomfortable. anyone experience this or have advice? just curious. thanks! Link to post Share on other sites
SLee Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Good for you for being considerate of her and not pushing. You'd be surprised at how many people aren't like that. Before you do anything, just ask and be chill with either answer. As a woman, I can say for me, the simplest answer is that she just doesn't feel like it. If she wants to go further she'll tell you. Also you haven't been dating that long, so often when this happens, she wants to make sure the relationship isn't just going to be about sex and that you're not going to use her for sex. Not that you would, but at this point in the dating phase you're still both building that trust between you. Just relax and both enjoy what you do when you do it and don't overthink it too much. She'll tell you if she wants to go further. That's my take on it knowing just the information you gave, so hopefully that's somewhat helpful. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Peachland Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Mmm...I've done this when I felt I had sex too early and wanted to see if the guy was really interested in me or only interested in sex. 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Also you haven't been dating that long, so often when this happens, she wants to make sure the relationship isn't just going to be about sex and that you're not going to use her for sex. Not that you would, but at this point in the dating phase you're still both building that trust between you. Just relax and both enjoy what you do when you do it and don't overthink it too much. She'll tell you if she wants to go further. I think SLee has pegged the reason. She isn't sure what your intentions are and looking for some sort of reassurance from your end. If she's a girl, I'm guessing in words. You know, say something small to reassure you of your intentions if they are good. Don't fake it though if you don't know at all where you see this headed. good luck 2 Link to post Share on other sites
ExpatInItaly Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Mmm...I've done this when I felt I had sex too early and wanted to see if the guy was really interested in me or only interested in sex. This. Or, it could be her time of the month and she's not comfortable sharing that or having sex at the moment. Wait it out a while and see what happens. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 (edited) First let me say that it is good you're respecting her wishes in the moment. When a woman says no and wants you to back off, you do so. Also, it's good that you're not complaining or getting accusatory with her. Trust me, the more you pressure a woman for sex, the less she wants to have it. But if you keep things at status quo, she'll keep acting inconsistent because you're allowing her to. For the next two weeks, cut it down to once a week. Then when you do see her, have both dates be in public where you pick her up and drop her off. When you walk her to her door, kiss heavy and work her up a bit. Then if she invites you in or makes it clear with her body language that she wants you to come in, you wish her goodnight and leave. She needs to experience the frustration of being left hot and bothered with nowhere to go. After a few weeks of seeing you less and being hot/bothered she'll want to start having sex again. So you reward her good behavior with increasing back to 2x a week. If and when she starts slowing down again, you mirror her actions and slow things down again. In periods where she plays the hot and cold card, you're never going to get accusatory with her, whine about not having sex, or ever push her further than she's willing to go. But at the same time, you communicate through your actions that you're willing to do the same thing to do her. Sometimes you have to have the balls and patience to train a woman properly that you're the one that leads. Edited May 30, 2015 by fitnessfan365 3 Link to post Share on other sites
Fhsjkfjrhsdh3646 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 I had sex in the first date and barely scraped first base on the 2nd date. I think it's when their anti slut defenses kick in for having sex too early (which just confuses everyone involved) FF hit it on the head... If she's going to play games withholding sex, you need to play your own game. I hate games by the way. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 30, 2015 Share Posted May 30, 2015 Sometimes people don't know what they're missing, until they're actually missing it. That's why it's vital that you match her actions and interest level. When she's enthusiastic and the sex is flowing, you as the man plan great dates and be a consistent presence with communication. If she starts acting a bit distant and luke warm on the physical, you pull back. You let her initiate communication and when she does, you plan a date in public with no chance of sex happening. As she sees you less and begins to miss you and the sex more and more, she'll be back to her old self and you make her a priority again. But so many guys out there don't have the balls or patience to give women a taste of their own medicine when they start acting wishy-washy. Instead they start over pursuing and acting p-whipped. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 appreciate the responses and insight from everyone. so her actions (communication: she does most of the initiation and affection) are consistent thus far. there is no decline in that. it's only been when things get super heated and she seems like she really wants it but then stops me. the "her time of the month" thing is a distinct possibilty as well and makes a bit of sense. would it still be wise/beneficial for me to pull back a bit like fitnessfan is suggesting and increase her attraction? i have done this in the past with girls but it's when I noticed them being a bit withdrawn. so far, this girl hasn't. i just feel like it may come off as strange or intentional if i just stopped communicating as much or reciprocating her actions for seemingly no reason. thoughts? Link to post Share on other sites
SLee Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Personally, I think she's very obviously into you or else she wouldn't be this engaged with you. I thought of the time of the month thing too before, but neglected to write it in my response, so that's entirely possible. Don't try to pull back to increase her attraction just to get laid, IMHO. Honestly, women do see right through that stuff much of the time. You're right, I think it would come off strange and it will either turn her off, upset her, or make her mad. It would make me mad if a guy behaved that way. Show her that you're interested and that she can trust you. Remember, you're both still building that trust with each other. Be patient and give it time. It may also be time to have a discussion about what you two want out of this. Or you can ask her about it in a chill, non-pushy way. Honesty and trust are number one priority. Follow Versacehottie's advice. That was a really good way to put it. 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Gaeta Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Do not play games. The worse thing you can do to a woman is to reject her when she wants intimacy. It won't have the effect Fitnessfan is describing. Believe me, if you reject her she will turn around and make you pay for it by taking it off the table for a long time. It's probably her time of the month and she is too shy to mention it. If she was not in the mood she would not let you touch her at all but you're saying she is letting things get hot and heavy then stops, it's all indicative she is in the mood, just unable to close the deal. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Nice, sane women who like you don't play games. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Nice, sane women who like you don't play games. Sorry, Gary, we do....although it doesn't apply in this situation. But yeah, we do. Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 ^^^^^^^then they are not that nice. Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 LOL, In a perfect world, everything would be upfront and easy. No one would be confused and everyone would have a clean slate and sense of urgency. Alas it is not so. Thus games, strategy, mixed messages. Most of the games I've played were absolutely necessary and had the desired effect. As did the games played on me. As they say don't hate the player, hate the game. Dating is a series of them. It just is was it is. And not a horrible thing all the time. And please don't say that being nice is the way to get a guy. If only it was so simple Link to post Share on other sites
Gary S Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 People have choice, including not wanting to date bad girls. Yup, I said it, bad girls. Besides, a man only needs one good one. All the rest don't count. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 Look it would be one thing if he was all over her. She's nervous about having sex again, and she wants him to slow down. I'd get that. But here's the problem. She is the one initiating being all over him. So she intentionally gets him worked up and then pulls back and says no. I don't care what anyone says, this hot/cold teasing behavior is not OK. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing repeatedly and expecting a different result. By keeping the same routine, it only encourages her behavior more. The only way she'll stop being a tease is if she experiences the frustration herself. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author accident_prone Posted May 31, 2015 Author Share Posted May 31, 2015 while i 100% agree with almost all of you, the deal is that it was a simple matter of being her time of the month, which was my initial guess. it was made very apparent last night when we got together as she jumped me as soon as we got back to my house. twice. so while this great and all, I'm still wondering if we're seeing each other too much at 2-3 times per week. I'm only mirroring her from the beginning and she's always wanting to get together. sure it's great. but is it wise? this is still in addition to me being plenty busy otherwise so it's not like she's all i have going on. but for me to be available so much, probably not great this early on, yeah? Link to post Share on other sites
Versacehottie Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 while i 100% agree with almost all of you, the deal is that it was a simple matter of being her time of the month, which was my initial guess. it was made very apparent last night when we got together as she jumped me as soon as we got back to my house. twice. so while this great and all, I'm still wondering if we're seeing each other too much at 2-3 times per week. I'm only mirroring her from the beginning and she's always wanting to get together. sure it's great. but is it wise? this is still in addition to me being plenty busy otherwise so it's not like she's all i have going on. but for me to be available so much, probably not great this early on, yeah? This is where i agree with FF philosophy. (glad it was just her period btw, which I was also going to say and maybe since things are so new between you she was shy to tell you). I think at the beginning as far as how much you get together, mirror each other--to an extent. I wouldn't go over the 2-3 per week just yet. a girl is typically going to want to see you more than a guy will at beginning--and also more than is actually good for the longevity of the relationship. Unless you want to be in a full blown relationship with her and get onto some of the more heavy stuff, I wouldn't up the amount of time you see per week. The beginning is meant to be savored. You will know when it's time to see each other more. Just make sure she is clear on the fact that you are excited to see here and looking forward to upcoming times (if it feels like you are not opening your schedule wide enough for her tastes). good luck. Link to post Share on other sites
fitnessfan365 Posted May 31, 2015 Share Posted May 31, 2015 while i 100% agree with almost all of you, the deal is that it was a simple matter of being her time of the month, which was my initial guess. it was made very apparent last night when we got together as she jumped me as soon as we got back to my house. twice. so while this great and all, I'm still wondering if we're seeing each other too much at 2-3 times per week. I'm only mirroring her from the beginning and she's always wanting to get together. sure it's great. but is it wise? this is still in addition to me being plenty busy otherwise so it's not like she's all i have going on. but for me to be available so much, probably not great this early on, yeah? You're over thinking dude. As long as you're not flaking out on other plans to accommodate her, you're fine. So if she asks to see you on a day where you're busy tell her so and arrange a different day. Other than that, keep mirroring her. The more she reaches out, the more dates you plan. If she pulls back a bit and doesn't text as much, leave her alone. Then if a handful of days go by without hearing from her, call her on the phone, chat for a bit and plan the next date. As long as you don't freak out and overpursue her when she needs periods of space, you'll be fine. Link to post Share on other sites
hollycraze Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 Just stay cool...that's my best advice. When you act needy/desperate, she'll feel more uncomfortable and turned-off! Stop worrying, just be normal! Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 been seeing her for about three weeks. probably 2ish times per week. been on a couple nice real dates along with a couple lazy movie nights. she's very affectionate and all over me (a good amount) we makeout and fool around a lot the first week and then naturally slept together last week. it was great. not weird (afterwards or in the week to follow) and felt very right. since then we've found ourselves twice again in that position and she's all over me and it gets heated fast and she's giving me some heavy signals but twice now within a few days when that happens i have tried to move further and she stops me. it is a bit confusing to me. i don't mind not doing it all the time but i feel that since we crossed that barrier already then it wouldn't be objectable the next time. i don't want to keep pushing when we inevitably find ourselves there again and make her uncomfortable. anyone experience this or have advice? just curious. thanks! She's back pedaling for having had sex too soon. She's trying to send a message that "she's not that way" until there is exclusivity at least. I personally think a woman who has sex early on in a dating scenario and then becomes "withholding" is immature. It is, of course, the right thing to do if she's looking for a real relationship and wants to make sure that this scenario has that possibility but she should open a conversation with you about it, not get "sketchy". Open a conversation with her to say that "I'm enjoying the time were are spending together and I'm not dating anyone else. I'd like it if we were at least exclusive at this point". She may just want to know "where this is going". If she doesn't want casual sex and you do, you two should move on. If you both want the potential for a relationship, make it exclusive at least and see where it goes. Link to post Share on other sites
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