Does anybody here agree with this quote that women are in charge of dating?

June 7, 2015

Again, I said "No. I've taught you how to cook your own sausage and to make Alfredo. You can make your own toast. It's not a man's job to wait on you...

That is behavior she learned from her mother.

"It's not a man's job to wait on you." To your 7 year old? Are you freaking kidding? This is generic KID behavior, not some gender war she's having with you through her mother. You don't realize how your negativity is affecting how you deal with her (and how she'll feel about herself).

June 7, 2015

I would have to agree with what she's saying. Anytime I was out on a date, the guy paid for everything and usually made the decisions where to go and such. When it came to how far he was going to get with me, I already had that set in my mind even before dinner came to the table.

I agree, I don't get why do people say that the power the man is, is better power or more power than the woman has.

June 7, 2015

"It's not a man's job to wait on you." To your 7 year old? Are you freaking kidding? This is generic KID behavior, not some gender war she's having with you through her mother. You don't realize how your negativity is affecting how you deal with her (and how she'll feel about herself).

Considering the fact that we spent most of the morning today snuggling and she told me "you're the best daddy in the whole wide world," I must beg to differ.

Your opinions are irrelevant to me. Only hers matters.

June 7, 2015

Considering the fact that we spent most of the morning today snuggling and she told me "you're the best daddy in the whole wide world," I must beg to differ.

Your opinions are irrelevant to me. Only hers matters.

And to expand on this, I've also told her that girls can do anything boys can do. She's also said she's glad she's a girl, and I've reinforced that by telling her that it's a good thing; that she is who she is and she should be happy to be exactly who she is.

She's very little for her age. She's one of the oldest in her class and yet she is by far the smallest. She's lamented about that more than once. I told her that she never has to be ashamed for being who and what she is; that she is the only one of her in the entire world, and that it's okay to be happy about who and what she is.

She has never once complained about being the littlest kid in her class after that.

Yeah, I'm full of negativity about my daughter. :eye roll:

June 7, 2015

Society even praises white knights for doing so, in spite of the fact they pay and raise kids that aren't theirs

Believe it or not, society and alot of individuals do find it worthy of praise when somebody puts the well being of children first even if they were not the donor of the sperm or egg or whatever. Kids need parents even if the biological ones aren't around and when somebody steps up for them it is a beauteous thing!! :love: Even if they have a lackluster sex life!

June 7, 2015

Believe it or not, society and alot of individuals do find it worthy of praise when somebody puts the well being of children first even if they were not the donor of the sperm or egg or whatever. Kids need parents even if the biological ones aren't around and when somebody steps up for them it is a beauteous thing!! :love: Even if they have a lackluster sex life!

I'm not going to pay and care for the child(ren) of a woman that aren't mine if I'm not satisfied in my relationship with said woman.

June 7, 2015

It isn't that women don't respect white knights. It's that white knights are looking for damsels in distress. They are not seeking out women that aren't looking for someone to solve their problems. And why do we solve people's problems? Because it makes us feel good and important. But you are already targeting a less than healthy person because they are looking for external forces to do what they should be doing on their own. And so you are then with someone that wants others to do for them which continues. And then you could become a problem that they seek out another white knight to "save" them from.

So I have ZERO interest in white knights. I am more than capable to solve my problems and the idea that a guy thinks I need that from him, I find, insulting and infantile.

What I told my husband when we were dating, " I don't want you to need me. I just want you to want me".

I like it when my husband helps me solve my problems. It makes me feel loved and taken care of. I'm OK with being a damsel in distress: the role fits me.

June 7, 2015

I'm absolutely thinking long term. I'm looking to when I retire in about 28 years. I want to be set for life; house paid off, well over thirty years of pension built up, and about 25 years of 401k contribution established. I want to travel the world and live like a king until the day I die when I retire.

I'm not going to be one of those people approaching retirement age who have no idea what they're going to do. I won't be swimming in debt. The only way I can be certain of that is to be in complete control of my finances, with no other human being having their finger in my pot. Marriage puts all of that at risk.

To quote you from an earlier post on this thread, you're welcome to your opinion even though it's wrong.

Did you ever hear the expression "We makes plans and God laughs?" God is cracking up right now.

June 7, 2015

I don't know the whole story of why your wife cheated on you. I doubt you were this outstanding husband and she said "Hmmmm..life is so good how can I mess it up?" From your posts it doesn't sound like you want to take any responsibility for your marriage going south.

In any case, your "cause" to save men from themselves is a bit hateful. I hope you find more positive things to do with your time as you do seem intelligent; under the anger is probably a really good man.

This whole forum and the internet for that matter are for entertainment purposes.

June 7, 2015

Did you ever hear the expression "We makes plans and God laughs?" God is cracking up right now.

I'm an atheist. There is no god controlling my life. The only person controlling my life is me.

June 7, 2015

I'm an atheist. There is no god controlling my life. The only person controlling my life is me.

That's fine. God still laughs.

Life is the dancer and you are the dance. The more you try to control the less control you actually have because you're too occupied with controlling you lose that which is most precious.That's not to say one shouldn't use common sense, pay your car insurance and eat healthy etc. But realize ultimately you don't control. None of us do.

If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. ”

― Ajahn Chah

June 7, 2015

That's fine. God still laughs.

Life is the dancer and you are the dance. The more you try to control the less control you actually have because you're too occupied with controlling you lose that which is most precious.That's not to say one shouldn't use common sense, pay your car insurance and eat healthy etc. But realize ultimately you don't control. None of us do.

If you let go a little you a will have a little peace; if you let go a lot you will have a lot of peace; if you let go completely you will have complete peace. ”

― Ajahn Chah

I'm not going to engage you in a religious debate. You are welcome to believe in a god if you wish. I reject all superstition as there is no evidence that any god has ever existed. The entire concept of a creator god is completely nonsensical.

I can't control others, but I can control myself. And in the end, that's all that matters. How you or anybody else feels about it is irrelevant.

June 7, 2015

I said, "No. You make yourself toast at your mother's all the time. You're a big girl, you can do it."

She said, "But I want YOU to make it."

Again, I said "No. I've taught you how to cook your own sausage and to make Alfredo. You can make your own toast. It's not a man's job to wait on you.

It's my job to detect entitled behavior in her now before she ever gets that old and put a stop to it.

I'm all for having kids do things for themselves that they are able to do and to encourage independence and self reliance - but whoa nelly with the "it's not A MAN'S job to wait on you." :eek:

What if you had an 8 year old son who was badgering you to make him toast when he knew perfectly well how to make it for himself (which believe me is just as likely to happen with a boy as a girl child), would you have been sure to let him know that it was not a MAN'S job to make him toast???? Or would you have just forgone that sexist stance and stuck with making him take care of himself because that is what good parents do for their kids??

If you had an 8 year old son and he tried to get you to make him toast would you view that as "entitled" behavior??

I am bummed out that you are forcing your (IMO) awful ideas about women onto your daughter who is innocent even though she has a vagina instead of a penis!!!

June 7, 2015

Considering the fact that we spent most of the morning today snuggling and she told me "you're the best daddy in the whole wide world," I must beg to differ.

Your opinions are irrelevant to me. Only hers matters.

Well of course she thinks you are the best daddy in the world, she loves you!!! And she is eight years old! Later she will realize what you did to her by raising her to hate women and so herself!! But at least you can be sure she will NEVER have a boyfriend or a husband who would care about her well being or buy her a sandwich or something unmanly like that!!

June 7, 2015

You're afraid to walk to your car at night? Your problem.

Later she will realize what you did to her by raising her to hate women and so herself!! But at least you can be sure she will NEVER have a boyfriend or a husband who would care about her well being or buy her a sandwich or something unmanly like that!!

If she gets the message adequately, I assume she'll also put herself in dangerous situations, never daring to ask a male to walk her to her car at night or something like that.

When I was in college there were women who were raped (by what was presumably a stranger) on the campus grounds. Everyone got a note in their mailbox that warned women to be safe and to get walking escorts getting back from the library or to their cars at night. I never met a guy who was all, "not my problem" like this dude. Fortunately, some GOOD men do care.

It's quite a racket men have set up. It's men who sexually assault women, and it's men who are most easily able to prevent it (a woman walking with a man is very unlikely to be assaulted). On campus, it was often single guys walking women to their cars, and then strolling back by themselves to the library, without a care.

TFG, it may be "your problem" when your daughter is raped and comes to you for support. I'll bet you'll wish some guy cared enough about women to walk her to her car.

Edited June 7, 2015 by lollipopspot

June 7, 2015

Well of course she thinks you are the best daddy in the world, she loves you!!! And she is eight years old! Later she will realize what you did to her by raising her to hate women and so herself!! But at least you can be sure she will NEVER have a boyfriend or a husband who would care about her well being or buy her a sandwich or something unmanly like that!!

Nice job cherry picking quotes from my post while ignoring the fact that I specifically said I encourage the fact that she's a girl and have specifically said she can do anything boys can do, which is strong feminist point.

Sorry, your indignation doesn't hold weight with me. Especially considering the fact that I took her to Subway today and bought her a sandwich.

Here's the funny part. In the car today she told me that her mother never does anything fun with her, and whatever she says they're going to do something fun, they never actually follow through with it.

Do you have children?

June 7, 2015

If she gets the message adequately, I assume she'll also put herself in dangerous situations, never daring to ask a male to walk her to her car at night or something like that.

When I was in college there were women who were raped (by what was presumably a stranger) on the campus grounds. Everyone got a note in their mailbox that warned women to be safe and to get walking escorts getting back from the library or to their cars at night. I never met a guy who was all, "not my problem" like this dude. Fortunately, some GOOD men do care.

It's quite a racket men have set up. It's men who sexually assault women, and it's men who are most easily able to prevent it (a woman walking with a man is very unlikely to be assaulted). On campus, it was often single guys walking women to their cars, and then strolling back by themselves to the library, without a care.

TFG, it may be "your problem" when your daughter is raped and comes to you for support. I'll bet you'll wish some guy cared enough about women to walk her to her car.

I studied marital arts for a few years in my youth. I've taught her some basic self defense techniques, and I will buy her mace and a knife and make darned well sure that she knows how to use them.

I want her to be able to depend on HERSELF, and that is something I take full responsibility for as her parent. If someone tries anything, she'll be able to gut them like a fish. Or reach out and crush their trachea.

One if my proudest moments was when she was holding an escrema stick and whacked my punching bag with everything she had. At the age of six, she was fully capable of breaking a grown man's leg with it.

June 7, 2015

But all this negative preaching against women ... smh.

I am really worried about how your daughter is internalized all your hatred and prejudice against women I hope she has some positive male figures in her life that love and like women!!!

I am bummed out that you are forcing your (IMO) awful ideas about women onto your daughter who is innocent even though she has a vagina instead of a penis!!!

And she is eight years old! Later she will realize what you did to her by raising her to hate women and so herself!!

Help me understand your point of view here. I've read this entire thread and I don't see any preaching against women or hatred of women as you indicate. What I see is a hatred of marriage/divorce and a belief in 100% egalitarian relationships.

I think toolforgrowth's mindset is gender agnostic. Picture a woman who was the breadwinner in her relationship. She marries and then divorces a man. She comes out of it in a poor financial situation. She then resolves to pursue purely egalitarian relationships and chooses to eschew marriage. Would she be accused of being a man hater for having these views?

June 7, 2015

If someone tries anything, she'll be able to gut them like a fish. Or reach out and crush their trachea.

It's always helpful to know how to defend yourself. But you don't get that females are targeted in a completely different way than males are targeted, have less strength, can be surprised and attacked with a weapon or multiple attackers or while sleeping or otherwise unalert. Some self defense techniques don't equalize things or take away the special danger women face. Even a blackbelt female walking in a field is less safe and more targeted than average male. But hey, not your problem (yet).

June 7, 2015

I studied marital arts for a few years in my youth. I've taught her some basic self defense techniques, and I will buy her mace and a knife and make darned well sure that she knows how to use them.

I want her to be able to depend on HERSELF, and that is something I take full responsibility for as her parent. If someone tries anything, she'll be able to gut them like a fish. Or reach out and crush their trachea.

One if my proudest moments was when she was holding an escrema stick and whacked my punching bag with everything she had. At the age of six, she was fully capable of breaking a grown man's leg with it.

Get her a pistol.

June 7, 2015

If you love someone with all of your heart, you need them.

Conversely, I want tacos for dinner. Not the same thing. Are you a taco?

No it's not. Need is a codependency that means something far different to me.

June 7, 2015

I like it when my husband helps me solve my problems. It makes me feel loved and taken care of. I'm OK with being a damsel in distress: the role fits me.

Okay. I find it weak and infantile that you would need an adult to solve your problems instead of yourself.

This does not mean you don't seek advice from others, seek opinion. But turning over control and responsibility to others to make another's life easier, as general practice, is an unhealthy set up.

I am not saying it doesn't work for some people, lots of codependent behavior works for people. But "work" and "healthy" can be two different things.

I seek my husband's opinion on matters, I bounce ideas off of him, but ultimately the decision and actions are mine to solve on my issues. Not his. Just like his issues are his to solve.

I do not get women who want to abdicate normal adult decisions and actions as if they are stuck in a permanent juvenile state.

June 8, 2015

It's always helpful to know how to defend yourself. But you don't get that females are targeted in a completely different way than males are targeted, have less strength, can be surprised and attacked with a weapon or multiple attackers or while sleeping or otherwise unalert. Some self defense techniques don't equalize things or take away the special danger women face. Even a blackbelt female walking in a field is less safe and more targeted than average male. But hey, not your problem (yet).

I am 5'8" and 140 lbs at best. When I was 21 I was 120 lbs. In other words, tiny.

One night I was walking the owner of the restaurant I worked at home. He was a 100% blind man. His hand was on my shoulder and I was guiding him. A big dude, about 6'3" and 250 lbs, walked up to me, said something berating, and took the hat I was wearing right off my head. He looked at me as if to say, "what are you going to do about it?"

I was scared. This dude could have wiped his ass with me and there was nothing I could have done about it. I seriously thought he was going to kick the living tar out of me.

One year later I was back in my home town studying Korean karate, Tang Soo Do.

I took responsibility for my own safety. I didn't ask my bigger friends to walk with me so I could feel safe. I learned how to defend myself.2

One more story. During my divorce and my xWW's A, I was pumping iron like crazy. I was stronger, full of testosterone, and ANGRY. Angry at the world and everything. I REALLY wanted to get into a fight. Just...because. I wanted to hurt someone. Badly.

I was walking to my car after work one afternoon. My fists were balled up, and I was looking for a fight. These two men were walking towards me. Both were bigger than me. I didn't care. I glared at them right in their eyes, and I remember thinking "I dare you. I ****ing dare you. One word. Just say one word and I will mop the floor with you."

It was like the seas parted and they got the hell out of my way.

If you act like prey, you become prey. If you act like a predator, you become the predator.

Women are NOT the weak, defenseless people you make them out to be. You are only weak because you CHOOSE to be. And I have no respect for people who voluntarily choose to become someone else's prey.

June 8, 2015

I didn't ask my bigger friends to walk with me so I could feel safe.

You seriously don't have a clue. The weakest man on the planet is not sexually targeted for assault the way a female is. Even 6 foot transexual women with all the musculature of a man don't want to go into the men's room for fear of assault by men, once they put the target on themselves as "women."

But hey, your daughter's well-being is "not my problem" (and I don't think you'll make it your problem either, because you're clueless).

June 8, 2015

I want her to be able to depend on HERSELF, and that is something I take full responsibility for as her parent. If someone tries anything, she'll be able to gut them like a fish. Or reach out and crush their trachea.

For that I respect you. I wish I had a father who took the same responsibility.

As for God you don't need to believe in a supernatural being to realize that there are big things that are out of your control.

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Does anybody here agree with this quote that women are in charge of dating?

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