Does anybody here agree with this quote that women are in charge of dating?

May 29, 2015

I don't think it has anything to do with being male or female.

I think the one that has the most power in a relationship is the one with the least interest.

My mom told me often in a relationship one always loves more than the other, try not to be that one.

The one that has the least interest is the one setting the pace and defining the relationship dynamic. The one that has the most interest will go along with the pace, compromise the most, as their motivation is greater to win that person over.

This ^^^^^^

And I will also add that which ever one of them has the highest market value on the general dating market. In the upper teens through mid 20s that is typically the female and as time goes on many men typically catch up by the 30s.

The one thing I do agree with is that people, both women and men, do determine how others treat them by what they will allow and not allow.

If every person you go out with treats you like crap, you need to start evaluating yourself and evaluating how you are influencing others to treat you and how you are allowing yourself to be mistreated.

May 29, 2015

I think it was true for us when we first met, and I'm still with him, since 1991. He kept flirting with me, but I had many options. He was cute, but I didn't know him, I had just moved to that school. He pursued, and one day when he asked me for my number I said it super fast and wouldn't repeat it. Well, wouldn't you know, he remembered it and called that night. I still acted kind of indifferent at that point, but he had me curious. Then one day outside of school he just kissed me, hard and passionate. Electric shocks went through my body and since then, I've never doubted he was the one. We got married after we graduated high school, and had three kids. I'm still sexually attracted to him, and I've never wanted to cheat. So for my husband and I, this method worked.

May 29, 2015

IMO, men and women are relatively equal in charge of dating, given the dynamic of men always approaching and requesting dates (varies by demographic), in that men choose whom they ask out on dates and women choose whom they agree to dates with.

May 29, 2015

IMO, men and women are relatively equal in charge of dating, given the dynamic of men always approaching and requesting dates (varies by demographic), in that men choose whom they ask out on dates and women choose whom they agree to dates with.

women start and end most relationships

May 30, 2015

IMO, men and women are relatively equal in charge of dating, given the dynamic of men always approaching and requesting dates (varies by demographic), in that men choose whom they ask out on dates and women choose whom they agree to dates with.

yes but women ultimately have the final say, women do the real choosing, do the real "picking".

May 30, 2015

I've heard over the years that "men will only do what women allow them to do"...

But, I think that statement isn't so much when it comes to "picking" men, but how women allow themselves to be treated. But, in a way I guess it sorta ties into "picking" a man? Cuz if a woman will put up with certain things from a guy (ie a shack-up situation) then she picked him based oh her "criteria" of what's allowable that she'll tolerate from a guy.

May 30, 2015

So the man that dumped me after 3 dates for not sleeping with him was not in charge of setting the pace or choosing the dynamic of our relationship?

Unless I'm the only woman on here getting dumped for not putting out on a 1st or 2nd date.

While I think it still boils down to women, there are several dynamics at play in out in our present time...

-Options: The more attractive, successful, etc you are and the more you have to chose from, you have more power in dating/RLs. That goes for either man or woman.

In Gaeta's case (and many others), it boils back to women and options.

Why women? Cuz they guy knows that if Gaeta doesn't put out, in this day/age with women being told to go out and have sex....there are probably 10 other women he can tap into that will give it up. So, if the sisterhood gets together and do like we did back in the day - which was, you don't have sexo with me until you put a ring on it and my dad approves, then guys would be hard pressed.

Why options? Cuz what I alluded to about "back in the day". Men have more options when it comes to getting laid and/or having their "maternal" needs (ie cooking, cleaning, etc) met cuz now a days women are willing to be FB, FWB, and/or shack up with guys before he can even afford his own place/stuff. So, why should a guy sit around waiting for "Miss Right" when an abundance of "Miss Right Nows" are out there?

So, pretty much the guys/gals w/o "options" are the ones settling cuz regardless of the shift in dating/relationship roles/expectations - some people will just "take what they can get" and aren't that choosy.

So, the guys who don't have "options" are gonna be at the mercy of women if they don't get themselves together (ie get money, workout, work on their social skills/appearance/confidence).

May 30, 2015

I think it was true for us when we first met, and I'm still with him, since 1991. He kept flirting with me, but I had many options. He was cute, but I didn't know him, I had just moved to that school. He pursued, and one day when he asked me for my number I said it super fast and wouldn't repeat it. Well, wouldn't you know, he remembered it and called that night. I still acted kind of indifferent at that point, but he had me curious. Then one day outside of school he just kissed me, hard and passionate. Electric shocks went through my body and since then, I've never doubted he was the one. We got married after we graduated high school, and had three kids. I'm still sexually attracted to him, and I've never wanted to cheat. So for my husband and I, this method worked.

Damn. I would never be able to do this. Of course you're still sexually attracted to him. He displays dominance that is hard to match.

May 30, 2015

People who own their stuff are the ones in charge, IME. Everyone, man or woman, is in charge of their own emotions so there's room for everyone to be in charge.

May 30, 2015

I got this quote from a woman that is a dating coach and matchmaker, her name is Amy Laurent, and yes she like 99 percent of women who stubbornly, adamantly insist that the man do the pursuing, approaching, asking out, making the first move, etc.

She says that even though the man is taking the lead, doing the leading. Because many people argue and say that since the man typically does the leading, takes the lead, does the approaching and asking out, makes the first move, that means he is the one in charge, in control, but not according to her, here is here quote:

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

I agree with the quote but not in the way she presents it.

It's more like they have 'veto' power that can and will be used.

If they use it too much and try to impose their will wayyyy too much, as a guy you should run.

May 30, 2015

Disagree.....

TFY

May 30, 2015

I mostly agree with the quote and also feel that women hold the same power as to when sex happens.. they decide..

May 30, 2015

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

I agree.

A woman sets the pace for how far they go (physically ) on a first date and afterwards.

If you present yourself in a certain way, it gives off signals to the guy and what he makes of you.

On a first date many years ago, I was asked to do a certain sexual act and much as I liked the guy, I refused. I wasn't the first time I'd met him.

We were in a relationship for a couple of years and when I brought up that incident, he admitted he respected me for not doing. It showed him, I wasn't an easy lay.

He treated me with respect in our relationship, because I wasn't going to settle for less and he knew it. If he wanted a plaything, he had to move on.

May 30, 2015

As a man, I encounter ten women. I deem nine of them unacceptable to date for any reason I choose. I deem one woman acceptable to date. I've taken charge of dating by refusing to date nine women and choosing to ask one woman on a date. At that point, she has a choice too. She is in charge of that choice. If nine other men had refused to ask her on a date, then that's her one time out of ten to be in charge of a particular choice. In the other instances, choice was completely out of her control. She could have wanted to date any of the nine but they expressed no interest and were in charge of that choice.

The tone of these threads usually revolves around men always wanting to date and have sex with any woman and the woman being in charge. If we men are really like that, and I don't believe we are, then we made the choice to make women in charge of dating and sex by being non-discriminating, essentially taking whatever we can get. In that scenario, sure, women are in charge. We handed the power to them instead of sharing it equally.

May 30, 2015

I agree.

A woman sets the pace for how far they go (physically ) on a first date and afterwards.
If you present yourself in a certain way, it gives off signals to the guy and what he makes of you.

On a first date many years ago, I was asked to do a certain sexual act and much as I liked the guy, I refused. I wasn't the first time I'd met him.

We were in a relationship for a couple of years and when I brought up that incident, he admitted he respected me for not doing. It showed him, I wasn't an easy lay.

He treated me with respect in our relationship, because I wasn't going to settle for less and he knew it. If he wanted a plaything, he had to move on.

Exactly, even though the man is initiating, taking the lead, leading or just the one progressing things, the woman controls the speed on how fast or slow it will go, on when sex for the first time happens, how many more dates the guy and girl will continue to go on, sure the man can dump and choose to stop seeing the woman as well but I feel if things don't end up progressing further, its usually because the woman wanted to end things instead of the guy.

May 30, 2015

As a man, I encounter ten women. I deem nine of them unacceptable to date for any reason I choose. I deem one woman acceptable to date. I've taken charge of dating by refusing to date nine women and choosing to ask one woman on a date. At that point, she has a choice too. She is in charge of that choice. If nine other men had refused to ask her on a date, then that's her one time out of ten to be in charge of a particular choice. In the other instances, choice was completely out of her control. She could have wanted to date any of the nine but they expressed no interest and were in charge of that choice.

The tone of these threads usually revolves around men always wanting to date and have sex with any woman and the woman being in charge. If we men are really like that, and I don't believe we are, then we made the choice to make women in charge of dating and sex by being non-discriminating, essentially taking whatever we can get. In that scenario, sure, women are in charge. We handed the power to them instead of sharing it equally.

Yes, but the contention that seems expressed so often on these forums by men, is that you would not get the choice of one out of ten women.

You as an "ordinary" man would have to accept the one woman that deigned to Like/message/swipe you and then go on a date with you, If SHE chose to do so.

May 30, 2015

Although the woman may control the pace, how you get treated in a relationship male or female is down to you. I've always had little patience for guys who were players or didn't call when they were supposed to. I just ended it, so I had no further expectations of them. I expect guys do the same if a girl is messing them about too.

It's about your own self respect and confidence, no matter what you look like. You don't have to be super attractive to not take crap.

The relationships men do seem to have the power in, is when they have affairs with single women. They control the pace, the timing and everything else. They have the women hanging on and pick and drop them as they please. Lots of control by the man here, but I acknowledge this is not a normal relationship.

May 30, 2015

Although the woman may control the pace, how you get treated in a relationship male or female is down to you. I've always had little patience for guys who were players or didn't call when they were supposed to. I just ended it, so I had no further expectations of them. I expect guys do the same if a girl is messing them about too.

It's about your own self respect and confidence, no matter what you look like. You don't have to be super attractive to not take crap.

The relationships men do seem to have the power in, is when they have affairs with single women. They control the pace, the timing and everything else. They have the women hanging on and pick and drop them as they please. Lots of control by the man here, but I acknowledge this is not a normal relationship.

why do a lot of women think we men have it easier because we are the initiators? plus, there are hundreds, if not more, people out there that literally make money off of guys that struggle to meet and attract women, they have dating coaches, consultants out there, whenever you hear of a person who is still single and a virgin at 25+ years of age, it's almost always guys you hear of instead of girls.

May 30, 2015

why do a lot of women think we men have it easier because we are the initiators? plus, there are hundreds, if not more, people out there that literally make money off of guys that struggle to meet and attract women, they have dating coaches, consultants out there, whenever you hear of a person who is still single and a virgin at 25+ years of age, it's almost always guys you hear of instead of girls.

Yeah, and how many of those young girls were just used for sex and nothing more?.......Is that the "better" option?

TFY

May 31, 2015

why do a lot of women think we men have it easier because we are the initiators? plus, there are hundreds, if not more, people out there that literally make money off of guys that struggle to meet and attract women, they have dating coaches, consultants out there, whenever you hear of a person who is still single and a virgin at 25+ years of age, it's almost always guys you hear of instead of girls.

Where do you get this idea from?

We women don't have it that easy either...I mean, we have to pay attention to a guy's signs so that we don't make ourselves look silly you know.

Like me this week.

Guy #1. Last time we chatted, I flirted with him and thought I was clear as to me being "into" him w/o being too direct/aggressive and since he responded with literally "have a nice day", I just figured he really wasn't that into me.

So, recently we crossed paths and I just pretended like I didn't notice him out of embarrassment and he was like "Hello....I'm over here!!!"

So, now I'm confused. Did I come on too strong and he's interested - but taking it slow? Is he just being polite (I mean, it's rude to cross paths with people w/o greeting them).

So, I don't know what to do now. I guess I'll just continue to be polite and cutesy and wait on him to make a move...cuz, I think I've done enough already.

Guy #2. I'm actually surprised he noticed that I am breathing. I've seen him around and was sorta crossing my fingers that he's single and available and this week we crossed paths and he was like "Hi" and I gave a VERY enthusiastic "Hi", a wave, and big smile.

So, I'm really, really hoping he was trying to get my attention. Cuz, you can sorta tell what kind of chicks a guy is into by observing them. But what if he was just being polite?

So, for now, I'm gonna continue to "cross paths" with him and pray that he notices me again and maybe strike up a convo?

I feel like a freakin kid in high school lately. I mean, I think I'm usually good at gauging and responding to interest from a guy...but, my recent flop in a guy I was crushing on I guess has sorta shaken my "radar" if you will. So, we'll see if I get my mojo back :bunny:

Anywho, see? We chicks don't have it as easy as you think we do. We also are looking for signals cuz we don't wanna throw ourselves on some guy who isn't interested you know...I mean, you don't wanna be "that chick" so a guy hides every time he sees you. I mean, I've hid from guys that wouldn't leave me alone, so I'd hate to push myself on someone who wasn't even showing me signals of interest...

May 31, 2015

Yup.Women let men take the lead to gauge their worth to him. The more effort he invests, shows her how much he values her. Women have all the control because we decide when, where and if we let you have sex with us.

Bolded sentence is definitely not a given. A player that really wants to get with a certain woman will invest a lot as well. Some guys love the challenge even more when they really have to work at it to get in her pants. In their mind, when they finally have sex with her, its like a hunter that can finally hang the stuffed head of that prize kill that eluded them all those years.

Then you have the total opposite of the spectrum with guys like me. I value the woman, and I also value myself, and my time as well. I refuse to get to know a woman if I find myself exerting 80%-90% while she puts in only 10%.

I think women are in control much more than they realize. Some know exactly how to utilize it, some know exactly how to take advantage of it, but most women are too insecure, and concede that control over to the man, letting him dictate the progress of the relationship, thinking that if she doesnt give in, she'll lose him.

May 31, 2015

I'm going against the grain somewhat. We have stated that it's fine for a woman to ask a man out if she finds him attractive and is interested. If that is true, and it is for those of us bold enough and confident with ourself to do such a thing, then a man has the power to accept or decline, which puts the ball in his court. That said, most women have pretty good intuition and know whether a man is interested or not prior to her asking. Still, that gives him 100% power.

The converse of the above situation is equally true. If a man asks a woman, she has the power to accept or decline, giving her 100% power.

That means both men and women hold an equal amount of power to who is in charge of dating.

There are still many women who believe it is up to the man to initiate, and that is where the line of who is in charge is skewed. First of all, if the man doesn't ask, he controlled the situation simply by not asking. If he does, however, ask, then the power is in the woman's control.

So, if women are equals in the dating world, there is a 50/50 power shift. Plus, we advise both men and women to work things out or dump their SO depending on the situation. I've personally read several threads lately where the man dumps the woman for various reasons. Unless we are being totally biased, favoring one gender over another, then the power is equally divided.

May 31, 2015

I don't think it has anything to do with being male or female.

I think the one that has the most power in a relationship is the one with the least interest.

Exactly, the one who cares the least has the most power.

May 31, 2015

I got this quote from a woman that is a dating coach and matchmaker, her name is Amy Laurent, and yes she like 99 percent of women who stubbornly, adamantly insist that the man do the pursuing, approaching, asking out, making the first move, etc.

She says that even though the man is taking the lead, doing the leading. Because many people argue and say that since the man typically does the leading, takes the lead, does the approaching and asking out, makes the first move, that means he is the one in charge, in control, but not according to her, here is here quote:

"All the decisions and power lies where the woman sets the boundaries by saying “Yes” or “No” to things. It’s the woman that sets the pace, sets the parameters, and dictates how she will be treated and looked at by the man (for instance, are you a casual play-thing or relationship/girlfriend material?) This is all up to the woman, and the woman has the most control via means of her “influence.” A misconception is to view it the other way. The core of power does not come from the one who is initiating (the man)."

Do you agree or disagree with that quote?

Yes and no....a woman does not dictate how she is looked at by the man, that depends on him, his own morals and values and integrity.

In any healthy relationship, both have boundaries and should be respected.

May 31, 2015

Exactly, the one who cares the least has the most power.

They do, how exactly does that work? I may need to glean some things off of these younger people. So if I don't care and you don't care....it's a successful relationship as neither has any power?

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Does anybody here agree with this quote that women are in charge of dating?

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