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MY guy "friend" changed completely... I don't know why and how to proceed..

Lexy83

By Lexy83
in Friends and Lovers

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Lexy83 New Member

Lexy83

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Hello everyone,

 

I am new here but I really hope to get some perspective about my situation.

4 months ago a couple started joining my group of friends on our nights out. Me and the guy hit it off straight away and we were slowly getting closer and closer. At first I only saw him as a friend, I don't think I was attracted to him, but he was alaways so nice to me and I noticed he was liking me more and more: he would always be near me, always looking at me, writing me every day (always him starting the convo), he would tease me constantly ( in a cure way), always finding ways to be close to me/touch me.

About 2 months later we started going out together.. only as friends. He would join me while I was going jogging/walking etc, he would come by for a coffee etc. On the 3 months mark we kissed... by then we were together almost every day. After that I told him it had to stop ebcause it was not fair to his GF. I knew his RS was in trouble, they have been together 8 years but it's been obvious to me since day 1 that it's only a matter of time before they split up.

ANyways, he then split up with her the next day and then he asked me to be his GF right away. Now, I wanted to be with him, I really did, but I was scared he was rushing things... I wanted to take things slow so it wouldn't have a negative impact on the group... I wanted to prepare them first etc.

He then agreed and for the next 3 weeks everything was perfect. He would ask me out every single day (I however couldn't because I had other things), he would treat me like a princess, I could see it in his eyes how much he liked me and how happy he was. I have never seen him this happy... his eyes would lit up when he saw me and we would have the most amazing time. He told me he cared for me so much etc..

After approx 3 weeks I think I started pressuring him a bit... I didn't like the fact that his ex was still staying in his house over the weekend (she is best friends with his sister), she was constantly asking him to come back to her, she would follow him around... Then he got really sick and then he also had an accident. And after that it all changed...

He became more distant (he would deny it of course). I found out he went to have a drink with her one day and came to see me in the evening and he lied about it. Even when I confronted him, he lied. I realised I couln't trust him anymore so I stopped all contact all together.I didn't pick up my phone, didn't reply to his texts. I think he realised what he did and he got super angry with his ex gf, telling her to stop, he told her a million times that is over etc (I know this because she wrote me begging me to let him go). He also removed some stuff from FB that he knew bothered me.

Then over the weekend we went all out together,...at first it was like nothing happened, but then she again started following him and I got jealous and freaked out at him... he again shouted at her that it is over and everyone heard it but she wouldn't give up. So of course the party was over then.

This was 2 weeks ago but nothing has been the same ever since. We went out for a drink 3 times, but moslty chatting. I reduced heavily all communication with him... he is obviously confused, his ex is still too much in his life even though he denies it. Then last night he came to my place (btw we never had sex) and we finally have the best time again, like old times, he stayed until early morning hours and then went home without even a kiss. Which I kind of expected for how the night turned out...

 

I have no idea how to proceed... I will probably continue keeping some distance... just not sure If I should say anything, If I should still see him from time to time or what to do. I am not in love so I guess it's easier to walk away now, right? :/ I just wish things would make sense.. :/

 

 

Pardon my english BTW .. but I hope yoa can give me some advice :/

Thank youuu

AGoodFriend Established Member

AGoodFriend

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I think that you should walk away. Cut off contact with him so you can move on. This will allow him to move on as well. Unfortunately, you will have to do it cold turkey, because if you try to explain it to him in person, he will fight to not let you leave.

 

Since you are not in love and do not have any other emotional connection with him (because of sex) and because he has shown an untrustworthy side, it will be very easy for you to make this move.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
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Of course you shouldn't trust this guy. He will do to you what he did to his gf when someone else interesting comes along. I think you have alot of nerve to be angry with her when you are the one who broke up their relationship. You knew they were a couple when they joined your group but that didn't stop you from going for her bf. I think you just need to deal with the fallout at this point.

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preraph Established Member

preraph

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He didn't break up or his ex wouldn't still be there. Clear out and date others. Tell him if he ever gets his house in order, he can see what you're up to by then, but that you don't mean "sort of in order." You mean he's truly done with the ex -- and he probably never will be, in honestly.

  • 2 weeks later...
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Lexy83 New Member

Lexy83

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I think that you should walk away. Cut off contact with him so you can move on. This will allow him to move on as well. Unfortunately, you will have to do it cold turkey, because if you try to explain it to him in person, he will fight to not let you leave.

 

Since you are not in love and do not have any other emotional connection with him (because of sex) and because he has shown an untrustworthy side, it will be very easy for you to make this move.

 

I wish you the best of luck.

Thank you. The problem is that he is part of the group.. i tried cutting contact comletely but then it got very awkward. Luckily for the past 3 weekends each of us had some other events to attend to so we never hang out all together. But tonight we probably will and I am not sure how to act.

 

I know he is still in contact with her daily and sees her from time to time. But I doubt she knows me and him still hang out... and I don't know how he thinks he can manage this... unless he will avoid coming out this weekend too...

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Lexy83 New Member

Lexy83

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Of course you shouldn't trust this guy. He will do to you what he did to his gf when someone else interesting comes along. I think you have alot of nerve to be angry with her when you are the one who broke up their relationship. You knew they were a couple when they joined your group but that didn't stop you from going for her bf. I think you just need to deal with the fallout at this point.

 

Well they have been together 8 years and prior to that he had a gf of 5 years, so it's not like this is a pattern. Plus we started off as friends, nothing was planned... and she has been cheating on him for a long time so he was already unsure if he wanted to keep the RS going even before meeting me. When I met them they were seeing each other only on saturdays and even then they were out with us and looked nothing like a couple.

 

I didn't say I was angry at her, I got angry at him... And as I said, she has been cheating on him and treating him like s*** in front of us so no, I don't really feel sorry for her.

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Lexy83 New Member

Lexy83

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He didn't break up or his ex wouldn't still be there. Clear out and date others. Tell him if he ever gets his house in order, he can see what you're up to by then, but that you don't mean "sort of in order." You mean he's truly done with the ex -- and he probably never will be, in honestly.

 

He 100% broke up with her and everyone knew, included her. But yes, this is my concern also... 8 years is a long time and I am not sure she will ever be out of his life :/

 

I just can't figure out what he wants from me... for now I am taking it easy and even though he asks me out often I only accept about once a week... to make sure I don't get too attached to him.

 

I know it's easy to say to let go completely... I meet a lot of people daily, I go out a lot, I have my fair share of admireres... but he's the first one in I don't know how many years that I truly enjoy spending my time with. When we do go out together we spend hours on and on and on and never get bored of each other. I appreciate him for who he is but I don't know... if he has been treated badly in the past maybe he just can't make the shift :(

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