Katk Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Hello I just need some advice about something and would appreciate any input. I have been with my bf for about a year now and the last month he has hinted that he would like to have a mmf threesome with me, he is very dominate in general and gets really jealous when other men look at me so this is a big surprise to me. This week he has told me that he wouldnt mind if I had sex with another man as long as I didnt have feelings for him, then later said that he didnt mean it and that he would probably kill the other man if I did, then he started saying during sex that he wanted to see me with two men, then yesterday again when we were talking about fantasies I decided to ask him to be honest if a mmf threesome is something he actually wants with me and he admitted that it was, as long as I wouldnt start having feelings for the other guy. I told him that it would most likely ruin our relationship and that even though he thinks he wouldnt be jealous he would probably feel like crap if we did it and be angry with me afterwards. He said he wouldnt since he is the one suggesting it and we could do it while we were on vacation so we would never see the person again and that as long as I didnt start loving the person it would be fine. Now I'm not sure how to take this, obviously sometime in the past this has been a passing fantasy for me but I havent really thought about it for a while and I really feel like it would be the death of the relationship. Because I am also wondering if he is testing me or if he is setting me up because he wants a ffm threesome or have sex with someone else which would make me feel bad about myself. I always thought that when in a relationship with someone you love you shouldnt share and that just the thought of someone else touching me, let alone having sex with me, shouldnt be something the man I'm with should want if he really loved me, I know he is very proud of me and sometimes feel insecure and has expressed before that he is worried I'll find someone else, so you can understand why this fantasy makes no sense to me and I have no idea what to tell him when he brings it up. Any advice?
TaraMaiden2 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Yes. Do NOT do this. Keep it as a fantasy. The way he keeps going on about you not developing feelings for the other guy indicates a massive insecurity. He may like the thrill of it, but it's all words. Just words. The reality hardly ever matches up to the fantasy, and this would spell disaster for your relationship. You need to emphatically, definitely and firmly tell him this fantasy is going to stay just that. You refuse to change your mind, and please from now on, don't mention it again. If he mentions it again, refuse to discuss it, and tell him to consider what, about this scenario, attracts him, because if he wants you to bang a total stranger, someone you don't know, have never met, and never will again, what the hell does that state about his opinion of you? What on earth makes him think you would find being used like that, in any way a turn-on?! 1
Blueimp11 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Girl.. 27yr old male here. usually I try to beat around the bush and try to get you to learn some lesson. Have you ever been manipulated in your life? trick question. He is controlling you for his own personal pleasure.<<<<<<<< Please please please please. remove yourself from this. If you and I were dating. I would never ever ever if i truly loved you, force you to ever ever ever do something that you were uncomfortable with unless it was for personal growth of some kind. I.E. chopping wood to know the real value of work or some crap. Listen to me, He owns you. Your his property. If you were with someone that truly cares, he would consult you. 50/50 baby all day. anything less on your side is you being manipulated whether u know/ like it. AND if your in a relationship that seems to have all the power, guests what, your the manipulator and it should be a red flag if your goal is love and marriage.\ my 2 cents
jen1447 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 You're both insecure so a threesome would be a really bad idea. I see some warning signs with your guy. He's possessive but has this 'other man' fantasy (sometimes people can't help what their fantasies are as they're sort of innate) - that's a toxic mixture that's almost certain to blow up if it ever happens. He also seems a bit conflicted within himself what with the waffling - want it, don't want it, etc. That all sounds a bit scary to me honestly. If it's enough of a fantasy for you that you want to really do it, I'd find some other guys.
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