The pay date: bad idea?

[ZA Dater]

I fully realise this topic will not doubt open a storm of replies however, I need to state that the nature of the date would be strictly non sexual.

 

You are probably asking why someone would even consider this, well its mainly circumstances. Those being I am just epically bad at dating/ have some character trait/physical attribute which makes me hugely un attractive to the very few people I end up liking.

 

What do I get out of a pay date, well I get a date which I would not ordinarily have and I get to actually meet someone, albeit in a very false way.

 

Yes, this does appear desperate and to a large degree it is but maybe I need to cut my losses and try find a semi permanent arrangement like this, as sad as that seems.

 

As I say I am ready to be shunned but I should state this is a student looking to make some extra money, does she do other things, probably but I wouldn't consider going there.

 

Could this be a solution for the events I go to always on my own, maybe depending on the level of intellect she has.

 

The only significant problem is I may like getting some female attention too much and then regret the whole thing is just false based on a business transaction.

 

Am really in two minds about this.

[Toodaloo]

I think it depends entirely on how you go about it.

 

You could use the time to learn about body language and try to practice and improve yourself ready to ask women out on real dates, which, if you are as anti social and awkward as you say would do you the world of good.

 

If you substitute this for real interaction and do it instead of trying to find real dates well that isn't going to be as good for you is it.

[ZA Dater]

I think it depends entirely on how you go about it.

 

You could use the time to learn about body language and try to practice and improve yourself ready to ask women out on real dates, which, if you are as anti social and awkward as you say would do you the world of good.

 

If you substitute this for real interaction and do it instead of trying to find real dates well that isn't going to be as good for you is it.

 

I am not really anti social per se I just cant find any common ground with people. Put me with people with a common interest and I am do fine, put me at dinner party and I do ok, I don't lack knowledge or things to talk about but simply cant relate to many people.

 

Deep down I just think and this was reinforced lately that my issue is largely a physical one more than an intellectual one, in fact after the last incident I am convinced it is.

 

I will think about this idea (I overthink) and then decide.

[loveweary11]

Try it, but treat it likea real date.

 

It will certainly help you get more used to the process and interactions. You'll quickly do see what works and doesn't so things become more natural.

[ZA Dater]

Try it, but treat it likea real date.

 

It will certainly help you get more used to the process and interactions. You'll quickly do see what works and doesn't so things become more natural.

 

Interactions to me depend on the person, my goal is usually to take an interest in the person and get them to laugh, am fairly aware of body language and can tell if someone is relaxed are they aren't, I don't think this is my problem most of the time.

 

As mentioned I think I have a physical problem which just puts people off.

[PegNosePete]

So you're basically saying you want to hire an escort?

 

Sure, go ahead.

[loveweary11]

Interactions to me depend on the person, my goal is usually to take an interest in the person and get them to laugh, am fairly aware of body language and can tell if someone is relaxed are they aren't, I don't think this is my problem most of the time.

 

As mentioned I think I have a physical problem which just puts people off.

 

Then try different look/appearances out on the girls.

 

It'll give youa a lot of opportunity to improve, with feedback.

[ZA Dater]

Then try different look/appearances out on the girls.

 

It'll give youa a lot of opportunity to improve, with feedback.

 

Its what I cant change unfortunately.

 

You do touch on a valid point: feedback, what is it with females never generally giving feedback. I can respect someone who tells me

 

"Look physically you are not hot hence I am not interested"

 

Its easier to respect someone like that than it is someone who totally ignores you.

[Toodaloo]

I am sorry but this whole thing about physical looks... Nah.

 

You can change certain things and you can highlight positive things about yourself.

 

Look around you even ugly people get married so there has to be more to it than just being the best looking of the bunch!

[ZA Dater]

I am sorry but this whole thing about physical looks... Nah.

 

You can change certain things and you can highlight positive things about yourself.

 

Look around you even ugly people get married so there has to be more to it than just being the best looking of the bunch!

 

Excellent point. I will try and figure out why I am unable to attract one, especially in a social situation.

 

(Mind you have been thinking about this for 10 years already lol)

[BlackOpsZombieGirl]

I think it's sad that you feel you have to resort to paying a woman to date you just so you can get experience and a feel for natural interaction with women. You say you do well at 'dinner parties' and when you're put in a situation where there are people who share common interests with you.

 

Instead of blowing your money going on fake dates (which is what it'll be, because no matter how much you try to imagine or pretend that you're on a real date, you know that, in reality, it's a 'pay date'...so the woman you're with won't react to you in a genuine natural way), why don't you just join an activity, volunteer or hobby group? There will be women in those groups and you can 'practice' your interaction with them there, where their reactions to your conversations with them WILL be genuine and natural, because they're not getting 'paid' to interact with you.

 

If you don't want to do that, you can spend your money on hiring a 'wingwoman' to help you navigate through social interactions with women. There are WingWomen services popping up online, you can look one up in your area.

 

 

I don't want to throw water on your idea, because you seem so gung-ho about it, but...in my opinion, your 'pay date' idea won't truly benefit you in the short term or in the long run. You really should try to go through the most natural route possible to gain experience with socially interacting with women. I don't think you're as bad at it as you think you are.

 

Just my .02

 

 

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[jen1447]

If appearance is an issue, I'd take LW11's advice and get a makeover. Seriously. If you have a friend with some style, they could help you with it, otherwise just go to a hairdresser and ask them what they think would look good on you (they're professionals so they know) and get it, then go to a few shops and get a new wardrobe with the same method.

 

As to the escort ....hm, I'd be careful. I mean, you've never had a romantic relationship before, right? People tend to fall hard for the first person who pays them that kind of interpersonal attention, so you could conceivably fall really hard for her - for pay. That could get expensive if you wanted to see her all the time and had to always pay, and it's also really unlikely there'd be any future anyway, and she might even have to delete you if you got too clingy and infringed too much on her business time. It'd be business for her, personal for you.

[ZA Dater]

I wasn't going to put this online but I may as well.

 

My issue is my face, its pretty ugly, even I don't like looking at it! Conversely speaking one of the attributes I look for in a date is a pretty face!

 

I have only ever been complemented on appearance once by a female (who wasn't my mother lol).

 

Superficially and yes people will roll their eyes at this, I just want just for once to go on a date with someone I find attractive as apposed to settling for an online date with someone I don't find attractive.

 

As someone says I don't think the interacting is a problem, I had two instances with the same person where it went really well I thought, she smiled and even laughed but I think there is something (either my face) or some other underlying issue which put her off.

 

In all honesty you are all right, the pay date is nothing more than a bit of nonsense to try and make myself feel better after this weeks "lets be friends" idea was just ignored.

 

The issue with me is finding common ground with people, hiking club, been there done that, that the most common one here for singles to go to, again older people mostly.