JJCaliGirl Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I'm a little perplexed by something that happened or did not happen on a first date/meet I had this evening. Up to this point, the communication we've exchanged was friendly and flirty at times. On paper, he seemed like a nearly perfect guy. What changed... We met a Jamba Juice which was perfectly fine by me: low key and causal. I gave him a hug as I normally do. When we sat down after getting our drinks, I noticed that he was missing the his left arm from the elbow down. I figured at some point he would explain with confidence what happened, but he never did. In fact, he did his best to hide it from me by keeping a jacket over it. Why would he choose not to explain what happened? I can understand being a little tentative with a stranger, but I'm a very open and understanding person and even stated that I had a mentally disabled brother when explaining my family dynamic. I say that because a missing extremity is not an issue with me. What is an issue is not being honest about the entire thing. I would like to think if it was me, I would immediately call out arm/leg with a joke and a story of what happened. On another note, I'm not planning on seeing him again not because of this but because he would ask a question and then interrupt when I was answering. But then again, honesty is an important thing and I just don't think he was being honest. Am I being too particular?
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 No. Sounds like he has self confidence issues.
La.Primavera Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I would like to think if it was me, I would immediately call out arm/leg with a joke and a story of what happened This hasn't happened to you though so you really have no idea how he thinks or feels about it. In fact, you don't know how it happened or the emotional scars he might be carrying as a result. He may have been judged harshly by dates in the past and as a result it has made him feel extremely self conscious about it. He may have just wanted the opportunity for you to get to know him for who he is before opening up. It is difficult putting yourself out there, especially with a disability. None of us can fully understand what it is like unless we have gone through it ourselves. The sense of loss, missing part of yourself, seeing people stare, whisper or even make rude comments. It is a shame you didn't click in person but I wouldn't hold it against him for not bringing up on a first meeting. Maybe after you had spent more time together and built up some trust he would have felt more at ease in talking about it.
jen1447 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I agree with La.Primavera in general, but I don't think you were being too particular. Assuming there was significant talk before the date, I'd prefer someone share something like that with me, or if the date was the first real talk, acknowledge it rather than do the elephant-in-the-room thing. It may be unfair, but something like that is a 'thing' regardless.
fardaxel Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 >On another note, I'm not planning on seeing him again not because of this but because he would ask a question and then interrupt when I was answering. But then again, honesty is an important thing and I just don't think he was being honest. Am I being too particular? Yes. First of all, he may be nervous and talk when he's nervous. I do that. If everyone cast me aside because I occasionally stuffed up in conversation, I'd have no friends. Secondly, I'm sure losing a limb, or being born without one, is a difficult thing to deal with. Why not give him some time to open up about it?
Redhead14 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 I'm a little perplexed by something that happened or did not happen on a first date/meet I had this evening. Up to this point, the communication we've exchanged was friendly and flirty at times. On paper, he seemed like a nearly perfect guy. What changed... We met a Jamba Juice which was perfectly fine by me: low key and causal. I gave him a hug as I normally do. When we sat down after getting our drinks, I noticed that he was missing the his left arm from the elbow down. I figured at some point he would explain with confidence what happened, but he never did. In fact, he did his best to hide it from me by keeping a jacket over it. Why would he choose not to explain what happened? I can understand being a little tentative with a stranger, but I'm a very open and understanding person and even stated that I had a mentally disabled brother when explaining my family dynamic. I say that because a missing extremity is not an issue with me. What is an issue is not being honest about the entire thing. I would like to think if it was me, I would immediately call out arm/leg with a joke and a story of what happened. On another note, I'm not planning on seeing him again not because of this but because he would ask a question and then interrupt when I was answering. But then again, honesty is an important thing and I just don't think he was being honest. Am I being too particular? He wasn't being dishonest. It's not like he's lying about anything. He just didn't feel like discussing it -- yet. It was likely a very traumatic experience and maybe fairly recent and so it may still be difficult for him. Covering it up was more likely a matter of self-consciousness, not trying to hide it and pull the wool over your eyes. It's pretty hard to hide it and I doubt he is delusional in thinking he could hide it. He may not have wanted to put a damper on a first meet with a downer. I wouldn't reveal too much personal information on a first meet up. It's about you, what you like, don't like, what you're looking for, etc. at that point. Maybe after a first or second actual date, I'd go down that road. 1
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