Keep having the same issues with guys. Help!

[Girlboots]

i keep having the same issues with guys. every bf i've had (3), i've fought with every few days. i'll go over what i fought about with my most recent bf (ex) and tell me if i'm just a psycho brat...

 

 

1. he called me fat once. he said i needed to lose weight. i'm 5'5 and 115 pounds. we argued and fought and we broke up. he apologized and said he didn't mean it that way, but i was pissed and didn't care to hear it. we somehow got back together again a year later.

2. i was upset about my dad being in the hospital. my bf asked how my day went and i said it wasn't so great. the next day i told him he should probably avoid me because i was in a bad mood. he avoided me like i asked. the weekend came and hes like "so are we still hanging out?" and i told him i was still feeling a bit down, and he says ok. i got pissed and went off on him for not asking what happened. i told him he cared more about hanging out than my feelings. i'll admit this one was childish and i apologized to him later on.

3. he picked me up from work one night and drove straight to a bar with his friends. i asked him where we were going, and he says "oh i gotta meet with so and so" i asked him if he was taking me home first and he says no he wanted me to come. i told him i wanted to go home, i was tired, and he refused and asked why i couldn't just come in. i stayed in the car by myself while he was in the bar. we were driving back home and he didn't say anything. i asked him if he thought what he did was ok. he said no it wasn't ok and im sorry. i asked him why does he keep making me do things without asking if i want to do them too? he rolled his eyes and said "oh my god, i apologized, can we not fight?" i told him i was just trying to tell him how i was feeling and i want him to hear me out. he got super pissed and told me to just get out of his car. things went left after that.

4. we were supposed to go out one day, and i sat around waiting for his "im ready" text. it never came. so at 7pm i asked him if he was ready. he said "oh i've been watching movies in my room. i don't feel like going." ww3 began after that. i returned a gift he gave me and said he was selfish. he said i was full of drama. we didn't speak for a month.

5. we were fooling around one night and it got really late. i asked him to take me home please. he said he wanted to sleep for an hour, so i let him and i woke him up and asked again. he asked me why i couldn't just sleep over. i told him my mother would be upset if i wasn't home (i live with her). he asked me to just lay down next to him for a second. it was 2am and i asked him nicely to just drop me off because i would really make my mother angry. he ignored me. i told him i was going to walk home. no response. i walked home. it was an hour long walk and it was around 3am. the next day, i didn't make it into a big deal. i texted him and asked about a book, and then hes like "i didn't even hear you leaving this morning". the same thing happened a few weeks later, but this time he got in his car and took me home when he saw i was walking.

6. i came back from college and i haven't seen my bf in 3 weeks. we were in bed being affectionate and suddenly he turned his back on me and faced the wall. i asked him if he was ok. he said yeah i'm just tired of laying in that position. i felt some kind of way about it...but i let it go. it happened again and i asked him if he wanted me to go home? he said no, he just likes laying that way. he did it again and i let him know i was upset.he got annoyed and told me i was being dramatic.

 

 

so...please help me. are these stupid reasons to get mad at a guy? or am i just finding the wrong ones? all my bfs have told me i was negative and always criticizing them:(

[fireflywy]

Well, I can't say whether or not you criticize every guy but what I can say is that the guys here, in THESE specific situations are kind of being disrespectful.

 

1. Calling you fat..uh yeah.. No

 

2. Was a childish reaction. I would recommend looking up you attachment style (secure, love avoidant, and anxious attachment) and discover what activates your attachment mechansims and possible insecurities when your needs aren't quickly met. You may discover that you're being a little too active and expecting here in SOME (not all!) Ways.

 

3. He should have taken you home. You are an adult, not a child and him forcing you to go was stupid as was his reaction to your discomfort.

 

4. The guy was a little insensitve however, for more perspective to other situations refer to point 2.

 

5. Refer to response 3

 

6. Refer to point 2. I believe that you are definitely what is considered an anxious attacher or you have an anxious attachment style. Learn to recognize when your body gives you a physiological response in certain situations, ask if you are "activating" your attachment too much, and then, when its not met by your partner in the manner you want, ask if you are wrong to feel as you do and THEN respond if you feel justified. Look this stuff up though and read a book or two about it.

[Girlboots]

just did a little reading on the different attachment styles and wow! i can strongly relate to the insecure/anxious one!! i should definitely work on that before i get into a relationship i guess. thank you!

[fireflywy]

You're welcome. Just remember you are going to have to work on being extra concious about things though. Now, this is not to say that you will have to let EVERY slight go as there are a few things above which were stupid for these guys to do and there are DEFINITELY different types of love attachment styles you will need to recognize and certainly avoid known as LOVE AVOIDANTS.

 

I say it here a lot, but if you have a kindle and $10 bucks go buy the book "Attached: The New Science of Relationships" and learn more about yourself, others, and what you SHOULD be looking for in another and what you need.

 

I'm an anxious attacher too and this helped me tremendously.