DarkNoel Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Met this awesome girl online. We have been on a total of 5 dates over the course of a month. Things have been going pretty well, but we haven't DTR'ed yet. She's the shy, introverted type that takes a while to open up, so I'm giving her some time and space so she can become more comfortable with me. I'm going pretty slow and steady with her. She's also pretty hard to read. I know most people on this site will think I'm just oblivious since she keeps going out with me and responds to my texts within a few minutes. But she never initiates anything. Instead, every move had to be made by me. But don't worry, I held her hand by date 3, kissed her by date 4, and made out with her for a good bit on date 5. She was very receptive to all of it. Things are pretty promising and I feel pretty good with where we're at. However, she is about to go on vacation with her family for a couple of weeks. I'm afraid that we're going to lose the good momentum that we've built up recently. I wish to let her know that I'm still interested and can't wait to see her until I get back. But I also respect her space. I don't want to appear clingy and bother her while she's on vacation. Normally, we don't really text much in between dates: only to make plans or when I have something funny to say. She never starts the conversation, but most of my female friends say that she's probably accustomed to having the guy initiate. LS peeps, what should I do? Should I contact her at all while she's on vacation? Edited May 28, 2015 by DarkNoel
bene Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 As a woman, I would expect to keep in touch during the vacation. Not excessively, but ask about the trip, share something about the day in the evening etc. If I would go to a vacation and the guy I'm seeing would completely fall off the radar then I would think that I'm out of sight, out of mind. Girls are often conditioned to wait for the guy to initiate and don't want to be pushy, it doesn't have to mean that she's not interested. If she's receptive, I would just keep talking to her. When she's more comfortable having you around, she'll probably start initiating more. 2
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Don't get clingy or jealous. Ask her to send you pics if it's possible. Don't expect her to communicate too much as she'll probably be busy. Find something to do so you don't get bored.
Redhead14 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Met this awesome girl online. We have been on a total of 5 dates over the course of a month. Things have been going pretty well, but we haven't DTR'ed yet. She's the shy, introverted type that takes a while to open up, so I'm giving her some time and space so she can become more comfortable with me. I'm going pretty slow and steady with her. She's also pretty hard to read. I know most people on this site will think I'm just oblivious since she keeps going out with me and responds to my texts within a few minutes. But she never initiates anything. Instead, every move had to be made by me. But don't worry, I held her hand by date 3, kissed her by date 4, and made out with her for a good bit on date 5. She was very receptive to all of it. Things are pretty promising and I feel pretty good with where we're at. However, she is about to go on vacation with her family for a couple of weeks. I'm afraid that we're going to lose the good momentum that we've built up recently. I wish to let her know that I'm still interested and can't wait to see her until I get back. But I also respect her space. I don't want to appear clingy and bother her while she's on vacation. Normally, we don't really text much in between dates: only to make plans or when I have something funny to say. She never starts the conversation, but most of my female friends say that she's probably accustomed to having the guy initiate. LS peeps, what should I do? Should I contact her at all while she's on vacation? Since he's not been much of an initiator, I would make sure you wish her safe travels and that you will be looking forward to seeing her when she returns. If I were you, I'd set up a date with her before she leaves for a few days to week after she returns. While she is on vacation, I would wait until the middle of the trip and send something light and flirty. Just one text. Let her respond and end the exchange fairly quickly. The day before she is to leave to come home, send her a message to say you've missed her and are looking forward to the date on X day.
MissBee Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Met this awesome girl online. We have been on a total of 5 dates over the course of a month. Things have been going pretty well, but we haven't DTR'ed yet. She's the shy, introverted type that takes a while to open up, so I'm giving her some time and space so she can become more comfortable with me. I'm going pretty slow and steady with her. She's also pretty hard to read. I know most people on this site will think I'm just oblivious since she keeps going out with me and responds to my texts within a few minutes. But she never initiates anything. Instead, every move had to be made by me. But don't worry, I held her hand by date 3, kissed her by date 4, and made out with her for a good bit on date 5. She was very receptive to all of it. Things are pretty promising and I feel pretty good with where we're at. However, she is about to go on vacation with her family for a couple of weeks. I'm afraid that we're going to lose the good momentum that we've built up recently. I wish to let her know that I'm still interested and can't wait to see her until I get back. But I also respect her space. I don't want to appear clingy and bother her while she's on vacation. Normally, we don't really text much in between dates: only to make plans or when I have something funny to say. She never starts the conversation, but most of my female friends say that she's probably accustomed to having the guy initiate. LS peeps, what should I do? Should I contact her at all while she's on vacation? I would expect you to keep in touch during my vacation, especially if it is for several weeks. You don't have to contact me daily, but every other day or every few days should work. I also am not the type that makes the guy do ALL the initiating so if I was into him I'd also be worried about losing momentum thus would make sure I also initiate contact to show I am still into him and thinking of him. But yea, I'd still keep in touch every other day and see how that goes. 2
alphamale Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 LS peeps, what should I do? Should I contact her at all while she's on vacation? i'm really not a 'peep' but i think you should go into NC while she is on vacation. let her enjoy herself and her family for a bit. this is a good test. you don't want to come off as clingy so leave her alone and hopefully you two can pick up where you left off. if she contacts you then by all means respond back but keep it short
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Life's funny that way. You'll meet a great girl, see her for 3-5 dates, and then she'd headed out of town for a few weeks. Has definitely happened to me multiple times. In the beginning when you're trying to build momentum this can be frustrating! But the one thing to remember is that you're not her BF. You're a new guy in her life, and she's on vacation. So you don't want to crowd her out of insecurity. So my advice? Let her do most of the initiating. If 4-5 days go by and you haven't heard anything, send her a quick text. Something as simple as including a YouTube link with a caption underneath saying "This made me think of you. Hope your trip is going well!" In general though, let her enjoy her trip.
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Yes give a good morning enjoy your day text, leave the midday for her to be with her family and then do a "how was the day?" followed with a goodnight text in the evening. I don't think that's too much but just right
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Arrange a date right before she leaves. Give her a small trinket to think about you while she's gone. I'm talking bottle of sun screen, some cheap sun glasses, a pack of gum so her ears don't pop on the plane. (< $10). When I went on vacation a few months after meeting the guy who is now my DH, he got me a beenie baby to snuggle & who could watch over me. I thought it was the cutest thing ever & it now goes on all trips with whoever will be away from home without the other. After giving her the token gift, wish her a great vacation but point blank tell her that since she is on vacation with her family you expect that she will contact you because you don't want to intrude on her family time. Mid way through her trip send a note: hope you are having a great time or something like that but otherwise back off. 3
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 So my advice? Let her do most of the initiating. If 4-5 days go by and you haven't heard anything, send her a quick text. If shes as shy as he mentioned and doesn't initiate much waiting that long he might lose it all
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Arrange a date right before she leaves. Give her a small trinket to think about you while she's gone. I'm talking bottle of sun screen, some cheap sun glasses, a pack of gum so her ears don't pop on the plane. (< $10). When I went on vacation a few months after meeting the guy who is now my DH, he got me a beenie baby to snuggle & who could watch over me. I thought it was the cutest thing ever & it now goes on all trips with whoever will be away from home without the other. After giving her the token gift, wish her a great vacation but point blank tell her that since she is on vacation with her family you expect that she will contact you because you don't want to intrude on her family time. Mid way through her trip send a note: hope you are having a great time or something like that but otherwise back off. I like this that is really sweet esp if you want to give her more room a token will surely show you will be there for her when she returns i like this idea a lot.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Yes give a good morning enjoy your day text, leave the midday for her to be with her family and then do a "how was the day?" followed with a goodnight text in the evening. I don't think that's too much but just right Don't agree with this AT ALL. It would be one thing if they were a couple and had been together awhile. But he's a new guy in her life. Sending a good morning text and a good night text every day while she's on vacation is complete overkill IMO. Him initiating once and awhile is fine. However, in general, my advice would be to allow her the freedom to enjoy her trip and initiate when she sees fit. Once again, because he is not her BF and they just started seeing each other. Arrange a date right before she leaves. Give her a small trinket to think about you while she's gone. I'm talking bottle of sun screen, some cheap sun glasses, a pack of gum so her ears don't pop on the plane. (< $10). When I went on vacation a few months after meeting the guy who is now my DH, he got me a beenie baby to snuggle & who could watch over me. I thought it was the cutest thing ever & it now goes on all trips with whoever will be away from home without the other. After giving her the token gift, wish her a great vacation but point blank tell her that since she is on vacation with her family you expect that she will contact you because you don't want to intrude on her family time. Mid way through her trip send a note: hope you are having a great time or something like that but otherwise back off. This is absolutely OUTSTANDING advice. Edited May 28, 2015 by fitnessfan365
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Don't agree with this AT ALL. It would be one thing if they were a couple and had been together awhile. But he's a new guy in her life. Sending a good morning text and a good night text every day while she's on vacation is complete overkill IMO. Him initiating once and awhile is fine. However, in general, my advice would be to allow her the freedom to enjoy her trip and initiate when she sees fit. Once again, because he is not her BF and they just started seeing each other. This is absolutely OUTSTANDING advice. When your dating most girls like a good morning goodnight text girls don't like days of no contact they really don't. I cant speak for every woman but if a dude doesn't speak to me for days I will move on to another prospect.
d0nnivain Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 When your dating most girls like a good morning goodnight text girls don't like days of no contact they really don't. I cant speak for every woman but if a dude doesn't speak to me for days I will move on to another prospect. It's entirely up to the people involved. Some guy I have been on 5 dates with wants to be in contact with me every day is going to be told to back the F off! Give the other person some time to miss you for heaven's sake. I had a guy want to be in touch constantly. I literally told him he was smothering me. He said he was trying to be sweet. I thanked him for the gesture but told him if I got another good morning text from him I was breaking up with him. It really made me nuts that he was soooooooo freaking needy. 2
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 It's entirely up to the people involved. Some guy I have been on 5 dates with wants to be in contact with me every day is going to be told to back the F off! Give the other person some time to miss you for heaven's sake. I had a guy want to be in touch constantly. I literally told him he was smothering me. He said he was trying to be sweet. I thanked him for the gesture but told him if I got another good morning text from him I was breaking up with him. It really made me nuts that he was soooooooo freaking needy. For reals? I don't think 3 sec's in the morning and 3 sec's at night is needy but I guess we all have our preferences. I don't feel like that is constant.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 When your dating most girls like a good morning goodnight text girls don't like days of no contact they really don't. I cant speak for every woman but if a dude doesn't speak to me for days I will move on to another prospect. This is a different situation though. She's on vacation. It's a time when she's supposed to be enjoying herself, spending time with family, etc.. That's why it's better IMO to let her be, let her do most of the initiating, and touch base once and awhile. 2
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) This is a different situation though. She's on vacation. It's a time when she's supposed to be enjoying herself, spending time with family, etc.. That's why it's better IMO to let her be, let her do most of the initiating, and touch base once and awhile. See im totally the opposite id like it if I got a text from a guy I was interested once a day even if i was on vaca so I could share what im doing and engage in some great conversation even maybe send some scenery pics. But I do see your point Every girl is different. Anyway I think since OP says she never initiate's hes going to have to do it himself he said she never starts the conversation so if he was to wait he prob wouldn't hear from her at all so if not an everyday text maybe at least a every 3rd day text. Edited May 28, 2015 by Omei
TunaCat Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Please, please don't contact her when she is on vacation with her family. She is not your girlfriend. You've been on a few dates with this girl. Contact her before she goes on the trip and set up a date for a day or two after she comes home.
Vintage79 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 For reals? I don't think 3 sec's in the morning and 3 sec's at night is needy but I guess we all have our preferences. I don't feel like that is constant. Yeah - it is kind of needy/desperate, in particular if you've only been out 5 times. Usually if I'm dating someone new and I'm on vacation - there's some sort of communication every couple of days - I say something, she responds in a day or two, I respond in a day or two - enough to let each other know you're around, but it's not intrusive. That means over the course of a week, each person will have maybe sent 2 texts/emails. If you're communicating every day, it's over kill at the point they're at - twice a day or more...well, kinda creepy.
Omei Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Yeah - it is kind of needy/desperate, in particular if you've only been out 5 times. Usually if I'm dating someone new and I'm on vacation - there's some sort of communication every couple of days - I say something, she responds in a day or two, I respond in a day or two - enough to let each other know you're around, but it's not intrusive. That means over the course of a week, each person will have maybe sent 2 texts/emails. If you're communicating every day, it's over kill at the point they're at - twice a day or more...well, kinda creepy. After five dates I wouldn't find it creepy at all but enjoyable but w/e. If I texted a guy and he would only respond a day or two after id be so bored with him id move on that's just me. Like I said every girl is different but it seems the majority thinks OP should hardly text so go with that I guess. Edited May 28, 2015 by Omei
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