confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Here's the story. So, my ex and I dated for a year and most of it was spent for long distance. We managed to make it work very well. We are two years apart. She's a junior in high school (old junior) and I'm a freshman in college. I did not cheat on her once and she knows that, and I basically treated her great the entire relationship. I also took her v card and I was her very first love. However, I did break up with her once but we still talked to each other and I promised her that I would get her back (I needed time for myself then) I ended up coming back to her, and we got back together again. Then 2 months later, She broke up with me because "her feelings were not the same." At first, I was okay with it. I told her that I understand and I was going to let her live her life and I was gonna live mine. We ended on great terms. We had no contact at all, and then 2 weeks later she said that she wanted to give my stuff back. So we met up, had some coffee together, and it was a great time. That's when I got my feelings back. I told her how I am now coming back home and playing football again at a JC, so I will not be at that college anymore. I thought for sure I was going to get her back. Then, I hit her up a week later asking if she wanted to hangout next weekend. She said, "Don't you think it's kind of weird if we hangout" I said, "No not at all." Then she said, "We broke up for a reason..." So I called her, and I basically poured my heart out because she said, "Well I have no idea how you feel, so I'm just confused" So I had no choice but to tell her how I feel, and I basically poured my heart out to her. We talked on the phone for over 2 hours and even though it was emotional for me, the conversation was still great. We talked about how great our sex was, we talked about the good memories that we had, etc. I was also telling her how much I loved her and cared for her, and how I've always wanted her back ever since she broke up with me. On her end, she basically said how she has been trying to move on. She is kinda talking to a guy, but its not gonna be anything serious because he's going off to college and she doesn't want to deal with that. She also told me that she still has feelings for me, and that she still loves me but is not "in love" with me. We've never been on bad terms ever since the break up, just so you know. Another thing she said is that the only answer to this is time, and that she needs time for herself, and that there still is a chance that we can get back together. I respected that, and I said I would give her all the time she needs. She said that she will contact me next, and she will not leave me hanging. So I know that she will talk to me again, but I do not know when. I ended it with, "You're not going to find another guy who will love and care for you as much as me." (This was an emotional phone call for me..) Also, at the end of our conversation she said, "Thank you for everything." I still believe that there is still a chance. Don't tell me I am too young, all I want to know is what do you think she is feeling right now? And how can I win her back? Edited May 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
frigginlost Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) << SNIP>> I respected that, and I said I would give her all the time she needs. She said that she will contact me next, and she will not leave me hanging. So I know that she will talk to me again, but I do not know when. I ended it with, "You're not going to find another guy who will love and care for you as much as me." (This was an emotional phone call for me..) Also, at the end of our conversation she said, "Thank you for everything." I still believe that there is still a chance. Don't tell me I am too young, all I want to know is what do you think she is feeling right now? And how can I win her back? She is trying to let you go, nicely. You can't win back anybody. They have to want to come back on their own. It would be best for you to continue to move on with your life without thinking that she is going to come back... Edited May 29, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator 2
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Okay, I'm gonna break it down to you. Cheaters will give you the I love you but I'm not in love with you speech. But, since you're not together. She still had to use it because you spilled your guts and put her in an awkward position. So! The "ILYBINILWY" speech = I'm seeing someone else. I'm kinda "talking" to another guy = I'm "sleeping" with another guy I will not leave you hanging = I'll call you after the summer when the guy I'm sleeping with goes off to college. She needs time for herself = So, she can date this other guy without feeling guilty about you. Thank you for everything = We're officially broken up. That's probably what's happening. Also, your little, "You're never going to find someone like me" jab was nothing more than a challenge to her. Now, she's set to prove you wrong. NEVER CHALLLENGE A WOMAN! Sorry to be so blunt, but I want you to open your eyes. 1
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Okay I'll just stop complete contact with her.. Even if she texts me or anything, I am not going to respond. Maybe that will open up her eyes... 1
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Nah you're right.. She's also still in high school. So she's a teenage girl and her emotions change very quickly. I know she isn't sleeping with that guy. She's so much better than that.. I'll just stop all contact with her. I'm done with her. 1
Satu Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 You can't 'win her back.' There is literally NOTHING you can do to make that happen. She will do what she wants to do, because, *it's what she wants to do.* 2
SankeCoffee Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 She is trying to let you go, nicely. You can't win back anybody. They have to want to come back on their own. It would be best for you to continue to move on with your life without thinking that she is going to come back... This....The sooner you come to grips with this, the better off you will be. Go NC, don't boost her ego more by thinking she has you all hung up over her. I know its hard, I'm struggling with this right now too, so I feel for you brotha 2
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Okay I'll just stop complete contact with her.. Even if she texts me or anything, I am not going to respond. Maybe that will open up her eyes... *FACEPALM* Okay, your going NO CONTACT (NC). No contact is a tool we use to help us heal and move on from the relationships. It is NOT a tool used to try and get our Ex's back. This RARELY ever works. NC involves ignoring all text and letting all calls go to voicemail. NC also involves blocking our Ex's from social media. NC involves ignoring all breadcrumbs. The ONLY thing you respond to is "I'm sorry. I was wrong and I'll do anything to get you back." That is the ONLY thing you respond to. Not texts that say, "Hey! How are ya!" That's a breadcrumb. You use NC and you start making positive changes in your life. You start living your life as if she's never coming back. Because, chances are, she' not. Edited May 28, 2015 by Chi townD 1
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 It sucks huh? Hahaha oh well.. She is just a girl.. They come and go. Maybe she'll realize later in life what she missed
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I've already made changes! Haha I got a job recently so that's good.. I am going to focus on myself and remove her from my life completely. If she says that she wants me back, then that's the only time I will respond. Sounds good?
Chi townD Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 It sucks huh? Hahaha oh well.. She is just a girl.. They come and go. Maybe she'll realize later in life what she missed Okay dude, you might be blasé about her leaving, but you were the one that came here to get advice about possibly getting her back. In a few days, you're gonna start feeling her absences and you might be going on an emotional roller coaster. Just be mindful of that. Your screen name is Confident, but I'm telling you a true NC is hard. VERY HARD and there might be times you're going to need more advice or someone to talk you out of contacting her. People will be here to listen.
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Yeah I got you.. The only reason why I said how I felt was because she was confused, and I thought she deserved the right to know. NC is hard I know, I've done it before with another ex. I definitely have enough confidence and pride to not talk to her, and it might be really hard to do but I know it will be worth it in the long run.
sowhynot Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Sounds good? Absolutely it does ! Please, please, do not try one last talk, email, letter, dozen red roses etc etc... I did all of those things years ago,well before Loveshack (actually,well before the Internet....) and even now, wish that I hadn't ! It won't do the slightest good and simly *isses away the last dregs of your self respect !!!
minime13 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Translation: you broke up with her for whatever reason, and that broke the relationship. She took you back because she still felt it for you and just wanted you back. Once back in the relationship, she realized how much it hurt her for you to break up, and realized that broke the relationship. So she broke up with you. The ball was in her court, at this point on, to decide whether or not she wanted to ever get back into a relationship with you. None of it was your decision anymore, and it certainly wasn't your onus to WIN her back. Women aren't prizes. She asked to return your stuff, and was met with you not being able to take no for an answer. She tried everything from telling you that you can't hang out together to telling you there was another guy in the picture. You still wouldn't listen. So, after a long, exhausting 2 hour phone call with her now ex that she doesn't want to date anymore, she said whatever she needed to get you off the phone. Unfortunately, that somehow gives you hope. There is none, though, and I wouldn't hold my breath waiting for that next phone call. That's not her fault or problem, either. She tried and you wouldn't let it go. The very first thing you should learn about relationships is respect, and that holds over even after the relationship is over. Respect other people's decisions. Sure, you can give your opinion, but it shouldn't take a 2 hour phone call to get it across. When they walk away, let them walk away, and try to move on. Besides, you're what - 19? You're young. Welcome to the world of dating and relationships, and try to learn from each one you go through. It is a learning process.
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Of course not! This is the best thing for me right now.. I realized that after these posts. No contact at all with her. It's time to move on to better things.
Author confident2255 Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 I feel like when I broke up with her first, that's when her feelings started to change. I messed up on that part cause I was caught up in college.. The 2 hour phone call wasn't just me mopping all the time. She was also talking to me too by asking me questions, and keeping the conversation going. It seemed like she wanted to talk to me.. But I've decided that I am just going to move on, and not talk to her at all. Even if she talks to me first, I am not going to respond. I'm a new man now, and will find a better woman.
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