ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 "Honestly, I think your confidence is there, but you seem too needy. Your confidence is there you just seem to be revolving around the loss and you are reflecting that outward . Ok when you are with men but VERY bad when you are with a woman." Yikes. I'm taking the breakup hard and showing it....
whichwayisup Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Well, start venting and get it out of your system. IT does help to talk stuff out...Get some thoughts. Go read No Foolin's thread in Coping the long walk to....(Yeah I forget now...lol but you may have to search for it on page 2. Its' a long thread but really worth reading. Try to find the small things to make you feel good and happy. Keep busy and remember you're probably better off without her. Sorry for the breakup though.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 This thread? http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t56954/ If so, I read it. Rebuilding my confidence is something that will take time. I need the swagger back in my walk. I used to be so confident that I was more pretencious than I should have been. Still, women liked my swagger. I will say I've been hit on a lot lately. That makes me feel better.
Marshbear Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I take it this friend is a women. Women tend to think that men should get over a loss quickly and they shouldn't let their emotions show. This is also how many men are raised and it is very hard on them when something occurs in their life and they supress their feeling to be "a man". I believe everyone is entitled to show emotion and if someone doesn't like it or are uncomfortable, tough. I have been without my ex for 8 months and I still have times that I miss the hell out of her. My friends got tired of me and lost their compassion after awhile but damn-it I'm entitled. If they can't handle it then they need to stay away from you. Do what ever it takes to keep from going insane. Take care of you and your friends will appreciate you for it no matter if they seem unsympatic now.
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 confidence and neediness can totally exist together. you can be a very confident person and still be very needy. actually the term u are lookin' for is "independence". most people who are emotionally independent are less needy.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 I miss her companionship. I miss being with her. Some of you may agree and some may not with what I am about to say but this is how I feel: "I feel like she died...." It's the same thing. She's gone, out of my life and because of NC, it's like she is dead. And it's hard for me because I am struggling to fill the void that she left in my life. Granted, I think she's going to find a huge void in her life too. She can say what she wants, but evidence of me in her life she touches every day. From her bike to her computer to her teddy bear. I am constantly in her life even without being there.
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Granted, I think she's going to find a huge void in her life too. She can say what she wants, but evidence of me in her life she touches every day. From her bike to her computer to her teddy bear. I am constantly in her life even without being there. Well, C.O.C., I think you are projecting you own personal attributes upon someone else here. Everyone is different. The fact is you don't really know what she is thinking and feeling. Be strong, be a man. Chin up, etc...
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale Well, C.O.C., I think you are projecting you own personal attributes upon someone else here. Everyone is different. The fact is you don't really know what she is thinking and feeling. Be strong, be a man. Chin up, etc... I spent a year with her as her closest confidant and friend. I know a lot about where her head is
alphamale Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC I know a lot about where her head is dude, i've been with a # of women and even I dont' know where any of their heads were!
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by alphamale dude, i've been with a # of women and even I dont' know where any of their heads were! That's why you don't know any of them. Too much of that revolving door policy
Mz. Pixie Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 OC- Alpha is his own special breed- we love him- but you know what I'm saying....... It's normal to miss someone after you've been with them for an extended period of time AND had a intimate and deep relationship. I personally think there is nothing wrong with a man taking his time to get over someone. You may be showing it a bit, if so, so what? Who cares? You gotta do what's right for you hon, and no one else.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by Mz. Pixie OC- Alpha is his own special breed- we love him- but you know what I'm saying....... It's normal to miss someone after you've been with them for an extended period of time AND had a intimate and deep relationship. I personally think there is nothing wrong with a man taking his time to get over someone. You may be showing it a bit, if so, so what? Who cares? You gotta do what's right for you hon, and no one else. I take AM's advice with a grain of salt, choosing to pick the information I feel is valuable and discarding the rest I appreciate your advice. I had put so much into the relationship that right I am emotionally exhausted. I don't want to jump into another relationship. I just want to get on my bike and start carving some canyons. It seems to clear my head the best.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 A female friend (who's very attractive but very married) said this about me today. She knows the whole story so here's her take. I just think something went awry with the girl you were dating. By this I mean that sometimes when we fall hard and fast for someone we lose ourselves in the process. I think this may have happened to you on some level. Falling in love has very different affects on people. The strongest and most confident of men can be reduced to weepy, sensitive people. Of all the emotions the human psyche endures love is likely the most difficult, complex and misunderstood. It is hard to grasp and when it is not reciprocated properly it can be the most painful. So, my advice to you is to give yourself a break. Don't overanalyze your personality and don't turn bitter. I guess what I am trying to say is don't let this girl ruin you for other women. You have a lot to offer. And, you have extraordinary eyes. I pride myself on being a connoisseur of them and yours are beautiful. Use them to your advantage.
shamen Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Hi Confused, Sometimes we can't help to wear our hearts on our sleeves. Give yourself the time to grieve and don't worry so much about what your friends say. Do what you need to do! And I second the biking thing... getting out and about in the woods is always a good way to clear the head from all the crap in our lives! (We don't have any canyons where I live! )
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by shamen Hi Confused, Sometimes we can't help to wear our hearts on our sleeves. Give yourself the time to grieve and don't worry so much about what your friends say. Do what you need to do! And I second the biking thing... getting out and about in the woods is always a good way to clear the head from all the crap in our lives! (We don't have any canyons where I live! ) Thanks. I've got a major problem with not hiding my emotions. They live on my sleeves. Hard to hide them like other people can. I wish I could but it's just not me. I do think I am healing better than I thought I would. One of my bikes will be finished this weekend so I think I'll go really scrape some puck and release some anger on the roads (albeit it safely and far from traffic....)
dgiirl Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 A friend of mine told me right away (while I was bawling on the phone and appologizing for it) "Dont worry too much about your emotions. It's natural for you to feel what you're feeling. If you didnt even flinch when he left, then there'd be something seriously wrong with you".
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl A friend of mine told me right away (while I was bawling on the phone and appologizing for it) "Dont worry too much about your emotions. It's natural for you to feel what you're feeling. If you didnt even flinch when he left, then there'd be something seriously wrong with you". She didn't flinch much when she was breaking things off....
dgiirl Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Mine didnt show much either. I believe they wont show it to you (or anyone else). But they have had to have flinched. Otherwise, they are a pretty cruel heartless person, and I dont think anyone could be that cruel. Plus they've been prepared for this a lot longer than we have, so they're way more advanced than us.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Mine didnt show much either. I believe they wont show it to you (or anyone else). But they have had to have flinched. Otherwise, they are a pretty cruel heartless person, and I dont think anyone could be that cruel. Plus they've been prepared for this a lot longer than we have, so they're way more advanced than us. I agree there. She was well prepared for it. Much more than I was. I wasn't surprised, just very disappointed. The last time she wanted to end it, she disappeared for over a week. Did the same thing this time so I kinda figured. She will miss me greatly. She might not now but as she reflects, she'll miss a lot of how much I added to her life. Before me she did nothing fun. When I was with her, I tried to get her out. To the movies, to six flaggs, to bike races, to anything I could think of to get her out of the house and having fun. Even going to that NASTY plastication exhibit in LA at 3am!!! (That was her idea!). Either way, before me = no fun. With me= fun. After me = back to no fun.
dgiirl Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Unfortunately, we cannot guarantee they wont have fun without us. The only thing we can guarantee is we can have a lot more fun w/o them. This is my chance to have a completely different life. I've seen what he can offer, and I could have been happy with it, but now's my chance to make my life amazing. He made the decision to leave, I'm going to make the decision right!
alphamale Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by ConfusedInOC Either way, before me = no fun. With me= fun. After me = back to no fun. everyone is replaceable, especially in business and matters of the heart.
Author ConfusedInOC Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by dgiirl Unfortunately, we cannot guarantee they wont have fun without us. The only thing we can guarantee is we can have a lot more fun w/o them. This is my chance to have a completely different life. I've seen what he can offer, and I could have been happy with it, but now's my chance to make my life amazing. He made the decision to leave, I'm going to make the decision right! Agreed. Same thing with her. She made the decision to leave me, but that doesn't mean my life is going to end. All I really wish was that she be straight up with me and that I LEARN something from the who experience. And I think I have and AM learning. Originally posted by alphamale everyone is replaceable, especially in business and matters of the heart. Agreed. She will most likely replace me with more studying. That's what she did the last time. She's good at over-compensating.
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