Regrets21 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Morning all, just wanted to ask some opinions on my situation as can't seem to gain closure and move on and have no friends of family to vent/speak with! Well my situation is I was with this girl for around 18 months. We broke up around 4/5 months ago. I broke up with her due to a doubt in the relationship for me that wouldn't seem to go away. She was lovely, kind beautiful, caring and would always go out of her way for me, almost submissive. It felt like she was too nice and afraid to show her true personality to me during the 18 months! I felt bored to a degree (I don't mean this as an attack on her as I still value and care for her). It came to light towards the dying days of the relationship that she had only been single for 2 weeks prior to us starting dating and also in her previous relationship her ex had cheated on her all the time and made her feel like ****. From the word go it seemed she was obsessed with me...needed me almost but at the same time afraid to be herself and in turn choose just to be submissive and hide her personality like she was afraid I would not like her if she disagreed or wanted something. This became smothering I think. Anyways during our time together It felt so right at times and she seemed so happy whenever we were together, always telling me I was her world and she had never been so happy, that I was the one, wanted marriage kids etc... While we were going out I broke it off once 6 months before the final dumping (not a nice word I know). But we got back together as I really do love her but it felt like she had no personality as she was afraid to show it (think maybe her ex hurt her so bad she was afraid I would do the same if I saw the real her). During the relationship I was insecure for a period and (maybe two/three months) due to her breaking trust in a rather big way, I wish I had dealt with it better but she shattered my trust and I found it hard to get that back. Although she would do anything for me I feel I did return the favour...planned all our weekends away, always suggesting thing to do, meals out, family trips to mine and tried to encourage her to do things on her own and enjoy time with her friends. To the crunch point...when I ended things nicely 4/5 months ago and explained why, the doubts that wouldn't go away about us and how I felt I never got to see the real her etc... She could understand and although it broke both of our hearts we went our separate ways. For the first two months of the break up we kept in contact, had a few dates, sex, some great times and we both had hope...However after a couple of months passed something was still nagging at me that she wasn't the one, some deep emotional connection wasn't there. I blamed myself, telling me there was something wrong with me because I couldn't be 100% about this girl that would do anything for me. Anyways after this I did not contact her for 10 days/2 weeks. When I did I wanted to exchange things. I was met with a hostility, she seemed angry with me which surprised me and all of a sudden void of any love for me...almost hiding her feelings it felt. This hurt but I could understand she needed that for her to move on. Anyways, the next evening she spoke to me and said she hoped we could get back together and at this point I was missing her like crazy and it might be wrong but I found it comforting and wanted her back too. For the several days that followed she flickered in and out of showing the love she once showed all the time and being really angry with me, getting angry at just the smallest things, taking everything I said the wrong way and jumping down my throat. it was like she was trying to hate me. She said she needs this time to be alone to find herself. During this time we promised each other we'd let each other know if we moved on (to another person) Several days later I saw some photo's on Facebook of her with another boy, nothing intimate. I casually mentioned it to her when we spoke again and she said he's just her friends friend. Anyways, a little while later I phoned her on a Friday morning to let her know I'd posted her stuff back to her and it would arrive on Monday but someone would need to be in to sign for it. She went mad that I had phoned, getting angry and aggressive. Telling me she hated our relationship (although she spent 18 months telling me how happy she was and how I made her wake up everyday with a smile on her face). she then said I've got to go I have to be somewhere with 'the guy in the photo'. I asked if she was now dating him and if it had started straight after our breakup (she always rebounds quickly), she said no, then put this other chap on the phone and said ask him... This hurt me and the other bloke was startled. So I calmly said, 'That wasn't a very nice thing to do' and put the phone down. Since then I have been in no contact for 4 weeks. During these 4 weeks I cannot get her off my mind, I do love her and would do anything to see her again. However I have tried hating her but I just can't lol...I have tried blocking my emotions and I can't, I have tried dating other girls, beautiful ones with great personalities but it just feels wrong. I feel so lost and with no purpose. Lonely I suppose! My question is anyways: After being so in love with me during the relationship, not ever a bad word to say. How in the space of 10 days no contact can she have no feelings anymore? Why is she saying she hated the relationship when she loved me sooo much and I never doubted this? Basically why is she acting like she hates me when I never really did anything bad to her? Was I just a rebound after her ex treated her so bad, someone that made her feel good? Do you think her sudden denial/lack of emotion about the break up is because she moved on straight away? I'm just feeling so confused and I suppose hurt because it feels like what we had was nothing if she is over it so quick (or is she just hiding it/putting her emotions in a box/moved on quickly to avoid breakup hurt) when she was soo happy with me and told me this everyday and I could see it on her face when she smiled when she saw me or how she would run to the door when I knocked or when I would do something for her and she would look like the happiest person alive?? Any thoughts would be great x
Yummm Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Hello Regrets Sorry to hear about your situation Coming from a Dumpee's point of view all I can say is that I feel she is hurting. The fact that you broke things off with her when she was supposedly 'so in love with you' and then went to NC, she was hurting. I have been in NC with my ex girlfriend who dumped me for 2 weeks, and even though I should not be clinging on to hope that she will message me, I always want it. She messaged me on my birthday, it was nice and friendly but that's it, breadcrumbs. I'm angry for what she did to me, but also believe that she has her reasons, so if she were to speak to me I would be friendly, but people handle things differently. Feel free to check out my lengthy thread and tell me your thoughts! http://www.loveshack.org/forums/breaking-up-reconciliation-coping/breaks-breaking-up/530753-much-appreciated Wish you luck in moving on.
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