Where did I go wrong? I thought he was into me. He tried so hard to get me back.

May 28, 2015

So I was dating this race car driver from Ireland. He swore he's unlike other race car drivers and is a very simple guy at heart. Honestly, we had a great first date regardless of my car getting towed by the end of the night. He was sweet to have offered to pay for it and try and make me feel better. I knew he was into me because he hugged, kissed me and tried to calm me down when I had to get my car out of the towing place. He drove me around to go find my car as well as hold my hand telling me everything was going to be okay. Before that, I knew that he didn't want our date to end. He asked me to maybe go walk on the beach with him after our coffee session and I loved how this guy is asking me all the questions and really trying to get to know me. He couldn't believe I was single and would ask me all sorts of questions of whether I am dating other people or how newly single I was. The next day he invited me to watch him race during the weekend for the grand prix and offered me two VIP tickets if I were to go.

I decided to agree and ended up bringing one of my closest girlfriends with me. She's a beautiful gal. We both had a lot of fun interacting with the crew, his team members, other racers and his friends that attended the race. They all were very happy to meet me and I love how easy it was to be myself around his friends, crew and he was very hospitable while I was there.

Forward to AFTER the race, we all decided to go to an Irish pub with him and his crew. My girlfriend and I followed. At the bar, they were all very tired and decided to just sit down and drink while I wanted to get up, have fun and socialize. I decided to get up and start talking to other people in the bar. These 5 guys stopped me and started talking to me and pretty much told me I was the prettiest girl in the bar. I delved into conversation with them and apparently while I was outside talking to these 5 guys, I saw him looking for me and he saw me talking to these other guys outside. Apparently, as him and my girlfriend with his crew was leaving the bar, one of the 5 guys asked for my phone number and I ended up giving them a fake number and Dean had saw me do that and said out loud, "She can have him if she wants. She can stay if she wants."

I ended up having to catch up with them and we all left to the car shop afterwards and he kept having to tease me.. saying how I was too hard to read. My girlfriend and I followed him and his friend back to his place. Last thing I know, I was in the room alone and was wondering where my girlfriend was. I went around the apartment to find her and once I opened the outside door, there they were both of them in shock. It wasn't until much later that she told me he had kissed her. She lied to me 5 times about it slowly opening up about the truth and apologizing to me for even following him. He apparently DM'd her on instagram with a smiley face while we were all in the same room before they left the room where I ended up falling asleep.

Immediately after she had told me that he tried hitting on her, I told my friend we had to go. She refused to want to leave and kept telling me that we had already told them we were staying the night, so why did we have to go? I was so upset and as we were leaving, Dean gets out of the shower and asks why we were leaving and asked if he was going to see us tomorrow.

Forward to the next couple of days, Dean kept on asking what was wrong and if everything was okay. It clearly bothered him and I had a feeling he did this to be spiteful because he saw me at the bar talking to those 5 guys. He then leaves to Ireland and kept emailing me how it bothered it so badly and he wanted to see me again. He was going out his way to contact me and told me it was all a misunderstanding and that it was my friend who had kissed him... which of course later on caused problems between me and my friend because I didn't want to be the fool in the end. I've always put my friends first before guys and I chose her word over his and I told him honestly, I don't want an explanation because I just don't want to be lied to. It was in my best interest to just let him go. He then stopped texting and emailing me.

3 weeks later I get a text message from him around 10pm one night saying that he was back in town and he wanted to have dinner and apologize. I agreed to do it another night because I obviously did not want to just jump at his late attempt of trying to reconcile things.

So finally last week, I ended up having dinner with him. I asked him why it meant so much to him that I forgave him. I honestly have only hung out with him twice and I don't understand why it bugged him so much... I'm just an ordinary girl he could just forget about. He's a race car driver and he meets girls all over the country. He explained that it was my friend who had kissed him and he had no intention on hitting on my friend. He asked me why I came, and I told him that I believe everyone deserves a chance to be heard out. It's not like I could really be that mad at him because its not like he was my boyfriend and its not like we have some solid foundation before this all happened. I confronted him telling him that I honestly think he did it because he was spiteful when he saw me talking to those guys outside the bar. He kept refusing he did not do it and told me honestly, "I thought I was into you more than you were into me."

I of course forgave him. I clearly made myself clear that I didn't appreciate how disrespectful that was though, how I didn't want to be lied to and to be honest, I deserve to be treated with respect and but I do appreciate the effort he's made this entire time trying to apologize for been an *******.

We ended up going out to the bar together after dinner and we had a few drinks. He offered to drive my car back home and take a taxi back to his place. I thought it would be alright to go back to his place so I did and we ended up delving into serious conversations about family, life back home and our beliefs. I was really into it and honestly, I really did like him.

I initiated kissing him and suddenly he carries me into his bedroom. We must have kissed and made out for an entire hour. My shirt came down, my pants came off but I did not end up having sex with him. Somehow after dry humping for an entire hour, he managed to get so hard that he told me he was going to cum. He ended up doing his business on my chest and afterwards, we both knocked out.

I ended up leaving the next morning around 5:30am. I told him I wish him a safe flight back to London. He asked to hang out that day but also mentioned he might be a little bit busy because they need to finish fixing the car before he leaves the following day.

I didn't hear from him that entire day. I figured he was really busy because he had to finish fixing the race car before his next race. He's a very busy guy who travels the world and such. I decided to go out with my friends that night instead of wait around for a text. I didn't mind.

The following day, the day I knew he was leaving to London, I finally get a text message from him around 5:30pm saying "He doll pity we didn't get to hang out more. Just boarding my flight. Keep in touch and hopefully see you in a few weeks time" I responded by saying "No problem dear. Hope you have a safe flight. Take care."

Its been a week since he's left and I haven't heard from him since. The only source of communication we really have is email and instagram. Even there, I haven't heard from him. I wonder if I did anything wrong. I didn't sleep with him nor did he really care if we did or not. It seemed genuine throughout the entire night that we met up that he just wanted to make things right again.

In summary, he tried so hard to get my attention and reconcile things with me because he really liked me. He told me I was different than most girls. He said he missed hanging out with me and said he really liked my personality. Which makes me all the more confused. Now that he's left again, I would think that he would still try and email me, talk to me just like how he tried before he left the first time. I understand he can be busy, but that text I got before he left to London just seems so cold.

I've always been into him but I don't know if I can really trust him after that instance of him kissing my friend. He's so inconsistent. I believe he might hit me back up again when he gets back into town after his next race. But then, I don't think I would be as willing to give him a chance again.

He's so hot and cold. Should I even hope?

Edited May 28, 2015 by Cphoria43

May 28, 2015

I am not clear as to why e-mail and Instagram are the only ways the two of you can keep in contact. Does texting not work since he is in a different country now? I think that his last text "seems so cold" because there has been no further communication since. As a man myself, I can say for sure that if I was really interested in developing a relationship with a woman I would find some way of communicating with her and wouldn't wait a week. Having said that, I am not, nor have I ever been, a race car driver. I don't know if there is hope for this relationship or not, but time will tell. Have you considered reaching out to him? I don't know if you did anything wrong, but staying true to your convictions is essential if you want to develop a healthy long-lasting relationship. If he really wants to have a relationship with you then he will express interest somewhere along the line. I hope it all turns out well. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

May 28, 2015

Thank you. I appreciate the logic.

May 28, 2015

So I was dating this race car driver from Ireland. He swore he's unlike other race car drivers and is a very simple guy at heart. Honestly, we had a great first date regardless of my car getting towed by the end of the night. He was sweet to have offered to pay for it and try and make me feel better. I knew he was into me because he hugged, kissed me and tried to calm me down when I had to get my car out of the towing place. He drove me around to go find my car as well as hold my hand telling me everything was going to be okay. Before that, I knew that he didn't want our date to end. He asked me to maybe go walk on the beach with him after our coffee session and I loved how this guy is asking me all the questions and really trying to get to know me. He couldn't believe I was single and would ask me all sorts of questions of whether I am dating other people or how newly single I was. The next day he invited me to watch him race during the weekend for the grand prix and offered me two VIP tickets if I were to go.

I decided to agree and ended up bringing one of my closest girlfriends with me. She's a beautiful gal. We both had a lot of fun interacting with the crew, his team members, other racers and his friends that attended the race. They all were very happy to meet me and I love how easy it was to be myself around his friends, crew and he was very hospitable while I was there.

Forward to AFTER the race, we all decided to go to an Irish pub with him and his crew. My girlfriend and I followed. At the bar, they were all very tired and decided to just sit down and drink while I wanted to get up, have fun and socialize. I decided to get up and start talking to other people in the bar. These 5 guys stopped me and started talking to me and pretty much told me I was the prettiest girl in the bar. I delved into conversation with them and apparently while I was outside talking to these 5 guys, I saw him looking for me and he saw me talking to these other guys outside. Apparently, as him and my girlfriend with his crew was leaving the bar, one of the 5 guys asked for my phone number and I ended up giving them a fake number and Dean had saw me do that and said out loud, "She can have him if she wants. She can stay if she wants."

I ended up having to catch up with them and we all left to the car shop afterwards and he kept having to tease me.. saying how I was too hard to read. My girlfriend and I followed him and his friend back to his place. Last thing I know, I was in the room alone and was wondering where my girlfriend was. I went around the apartment to find her and once I opened the outside door, there they were both of them in shock. It wasn't until much later that she told me he had kissed her. She lied to me 5 times about it slowly opening up about the truth and apologizing to me for even following him. He apparently DM'd her on instagram with a smiley face while we were all in the same room before they left the room where I ended up falling asleep.

Immediately after she had told me that he tried hitting on her, I told my friend we had to go. She refused to want to leave and kept telling me that we had already told them we were staying the night, so why did we have to go? I was so upset and as we were leaving, Dean gets out of the shower and asks why we were leaving and asked if he was going to see us tomorrow.

Forward to the next couple of days, Dean kept on asking what was wrong and if everything was okay. It clearly bothered him and I had a feeling he did this to be spiteful because he saw me at the bar talking to those 5 guys. He then leaves to Ireland and kept emailing me how it bothered it so badly and he wanted to see me again. He was going out his way to contact me and told me it was all a misunderstanding and that it was my friend who had kissed him... which of course later on caused problems between me and my friend because I didn't want to be the fool in the end. I've always put my friends first before guys and I chose her word over his and I told him honestly, I don't want an explanation because I just don't want to be lied to. It was in my best interest to just let him go. He then stopped texting and emailing me.

3 weeks later I get a text message from him around 10pm one night saying that he was back in town and he wanted to have dinner and apologize. I agreed to do it another night because I obviously did not want to just jump at his late attempt of trying to reconcile things.

So finally last week, I ended up having dinner with him. I asked him why it meant so much to him that I forgave him. I honestly have only hung out with him twice and I don't understand why it bugged him so much... I'm just an ordinary girl he could just forget about. He's a race car driver and he meets girls all over the country. He explained that it was my friend who had kissed him and he had no intention on hitting on my friend. He asked me why I came, and I told him that I believe everyone deserves a chance to be heard out. It's not like I could really be that mad at him because its not like he was my boyfriend and its not like we have some solid foundation before this all happened. I confronted him telling him that I honestly think he did it because he was spiteful when he saw me talking to those guys outside the bar. He kept refusing he did not do it and told me honestly, "I thought I was into you more than you were into me."

I of course forgave him. I clearly made myself clear that I didn't appreciate how disrespectful that was though, how I didn't want to be lied to and to be honest, I deserve to be treated with respect and but I do appreciate the effort he's made this entire time trying to apologize for been an *******.

We ended up going out to the bar together after dinner and we had a few drinks. He offered to drive my car back home and take a taxi back to his place. I thought it would be alright to go back to his place so I did and we ended up delving into serious conversations about family, life back home and our beliefs. I was really into it and honestly, I really did like him.

I initiated kissing him and suddenly he carries me into his bedroom. We must have kissed and made out for an entire hour. My shirt came down, my pants came off but I did not end up having sex with him. Somehow after dry humping for an entire hour, he managed to get so hard that he told me he was going to cum. He ended up doing his business on my chest and afterwards, we both knocked out.

I ended up leaving the next morning around 5:30am. I told him I wish him a safe flight back to London. He asked to hang out that day but also mentioned he might be a little bit busy because they need to finish fixing the car before he leaves the following day.

I didn't hear from him that entire day. I figured he was really busy because he had to finish fixing the race car before his next race. He's a very busy guy who travels the world and such. I decided to go out with my friends that night instead of wait around for a text. I didn't mind.

The following day, the day I knew he was leaving to London, I finally get a text message from him around 5:30pm saying "He doll pity we didn't get to hang out more. Just boarding my flight. Keep in touch and hopefully see you in a few weeks time" I responded by saying "No problem dear. Hope you have a safe flight. Take care."

Its been a week since he's left and I haven't heard from him since. The only source of communication we really have is email and instagram. Even there, I haven't heard from him. I wonder if I did anything wrong. I didn't sleep with him nor did he really care if we did or not. It seemed genuine throughout the entire night that we met up that he just wanted to make things right again.

In summary, he tried so hard to get my attention and reconcile things with me because he really liked me. He told me I was different than most girls. He said he missed hanging out with me and said he really liked my personality. Which makes me all the more confused. Now that he's left again, I would think that he would still try and email me, talk to me just like how he tried before he left the first time. I understand he can be busy, but that text I got before he left to London just seems so cold.

I've always been into him but I don't know if I can really trust him after that instance of him kissing my friend. He's so inconsistent. I believe he might hit me back up again when he gets back into town after his next race. But then, I don't think I would be as willing to give him a chance again.

He's so hot and cold. Should I even hope?

This guy probably has a girl in every port . . . just be careful. His lack of consistency, regardless of how busy he is, maybe just enough to keep a string on you. Unless he becomes consistent with contact, at least, I wouldn't expect much from him. For now, forget about him and keep moving.

May 28, 2015

Is this for real?

You went out on a date with this guy. Then took a friend with you to one of his races. Afterward, you all hung out at a bar, you wandered off and started hitting on other guys (please) and then went back to his place where he and your friend disappeared to go hook up.

That's the first few days of your "dating," right?

Dude is a sleaze, but you're not much better. I don't know how else to say it. How would you expect a guy to react when, on your second date, you go off and start hitting on a group of men? Seriously.

Best of luck. You helped make this mess, and you have some pretty awful friends to boot. There are 2 people that need to be kicked to the curb here.

May 28, 2015

I love your honesty. I know exactly where I went wrong. Therefore, apologized for that during the dinner and explained that I was out of line there but in summary that still did NOT warrant kissing my friend. But thank you, I appreciate the response.

May 28, 2015

Ive always known better and I never cared what sort of status this guy had regardless of him being a nascar driver. I would think most women would have let guys like him walk all over them but I made sure I held my dignity and walked away from him after what he did. I think that's what kept him wanting to see me again because maybe he isn't used to that. It's all a game. The moment I gave in, had dinner with him, went home with him, I'm thinking he could have possibly realized he didn't need to try any longer. His conscience was wiped clean the moment I let him open my blouse.

May 28, 2015

I have some experience with Irish men.

Race car drivers...look, an Irish race car driver would have LOTS of the hottest woman who are dying to sleep with him and date him.

to be blunt, you probably don't stand a chance as being the one girl who he falls for. Seriously, men with his status and job get the hottest woman. To make him fall for YOU, you would need to be drop dead gorgeous AND have a totally amazing personality ( which I am sure he really does enjoy your personality)

I also don't think he's being honest about your frien. I have a feeling that him and your friend have hooked up again since their first Encounte. I think he lied to your face. She was NOT the one who missed him. I'm sure it was very mutual....

Look. Don't date the type of man who is " hot " and who has that type of a job. Band musicians, race car drivers and hot wealthy businessmen and also celebrities date the HOTTEST women and merely cute 7 or 8/10 girls don't stand a chance. These men play the field banging the hottest women until an absolutely amazing looking woman with thexcitement right personality comes along.

I know these types of men. They do settle down but only after they are done shagging the top 20% of women and they find that one girl that makes them change...usually a model look alike.

May 28, 2015

Man, that's some friend you've got there. She clearly wanted him too. Are you still friends with her?

May 28, 2015

I love your honesty. I know exactly where I went wrong. Therefore, apologized for that during the dinner and explained that I was out of line there but in summary that still did NOT warrant kissing my friend. But thank you, I appreciate the response.

The action did not warrant either of them kissing each other. The friend didn't want to admit it at first, but didn't you find them in a closed room? They both decided to go off together. I'd actually be more mad at the friend because she does have commitments to you. Be wary of that girl.

As far as he is concerned, he tells you that you're not like the other women - classic line of a womanizer. His status affords this, because he travels and has the best excuse not to contact you for weeks at a time, and only be present when he's actually in the same town as you. He'd contact you more if there wasn't another girl in every city he went to, because that's how men are.

I'd chalk this up to nothing more than having a little fun. If you want to keep going because it's a fun little fling, so be it. This will never be anything more than what it is, though.

May 29, 2015

I'm very aware of his "stereotype" that falls under the racey lifestyle of a race car driver. Women, cars, traveling and adrenaline is his life. I guess I was just hoping that I had some sort of chance or was an "exception to the case." He seemed very genuine. I'm not a very easy girl to persuade and I don't easily put my guard down for anyone, but I guess with being honest with him, I expected the same respects back from him.

What I just did not understand was why try so hard to win my affection back, just to be tossed right back out?

I think that the only thing I really did wrong OR RIGHT, was not hand him over the sex card. Thank you for your response and the insight. It's the logic that I very much put on the back burner in hopes I was wrong.

May 29, 2015

I'm very aware of his "stereotype" that falls under the racey lifestyle of a race car driver. Women, cars, traveling and adrenaline is his life. I guess I was just hoping that I had some sort of chance or was an "exception to the case." He seemed very genuine. I'm not a very easy girl to persuade and I don't easily put my guard down for anyone, but I guess with being honest with him, I expected the same respects back from him.

What I just did not understand was why try so hard to win my affection back, just to be tossed right back out?

I think that the only thing I really did wrong OR RIGHT, was not hand him over the sex card. Thank you for your response and the insight. It's the logic that I very much put on the back burner in hopes I was wrong.

What makes you believe he is genuine - he has not acted that way at all.

Saying the right things to you would be exactly what the stereotype would do, wouldn't it?

I think you flirting with five guys while on a date would be enough to piss most guys off. Were you trying to make him jealous or something?

But really, the main take from all this is that your friend isn't a very good friend.

If you are happy to be one of this guy's girls on the road, and you can live with that happily, then keep it up, but it's very very unlikely it will lead to anything.

May 29, 2015

I am still friends with her. I'm not petty when it comes to guys especially ones that I only knew and hung out twice with. It is BOTH their faults. Her and I have dealt with this issue and I've definitely put her in her place. She understands what she did wrong and it didn't stop our friendship. I'm not always passive but when I am, it's when I'm trying to give people I care about the benefit of the doubt.

May 29, 2015

Thank you. This only makes me want to dispose the relationship/friendship I have with this guy. I'm slowly regressing into the state that I was in when I let him go the first time. Waste - of - time. Thank you all in advance for the honest opinions.

I told myself, if I'm not going to reach out to him for closure, I might as well get it from the internet.

May 29, 2015

Well, to explain in my defense. Throughout the day while he was racing, he sure didn't treat me like his date. He treated me and my friend like we were groupies. I didn't appreciate it. There was a lack of exchanged attention between him and I so as soon as we went to the bar and while he was the star attraction at the bar, I decided I wasn't going to be another woman "fan" of his. I would rather mingle with real people who want to enjoy good company. I wasn't necessarily hitting on anyone. Just conversation with other people that happen to be a group of guys outside. I wasn't trying to make him jealous at all. I went back inside to check up on him to see if he was okay after I saw him looking for me outside. I even pulled him outside to introduce him to those guys and told them that I was actually there for his race at the Grand Prix.

I could not imagine myself be "another girl" to a man. I would rather be the girl he couldn't forget.

I know this might be irrelevant, but would it be smart to just delete him as a friend on social media? I hate that I check his page constantly.

May 29, 2015

OK, well then I don't think what you did at the bar was wrong. Sounds like he was being a bit of a dick really.

I would delete him off social media if you find yourself upset or pining for him.

June 15, 2015

So I did exactly that. I deleted him off of my instagram and suddenly 15 minutes into deleting him and unfollowing him, he sent me a friend request.

I waited a couple of days to think about it and denied his friend request.

If he blatantly knew I unfriended him, why would he go out of his way to go friend me again? I haven't heard from him and he's only like maybe two photos since I last saw him.

June 15, 2015

So I did exactly that. I deleted him off of my instagram and suddenly 15 minutes into deleting him and unfollowing him, he sent me a friend request.

I waited a couple of days to think about it and denied his friend request.

If he blatantly knew I unfriended him, why would he go out of his way to go friend me again? I haven't heard from him and he's only like maybe two photos since I last saw him.

He didn't go out of his way. It's not hard to friend someone, is it?

He's playing games. You need to continue to show him that you're no longer a participant.

June 15, 2015

Well, to explain in my defense. Throughout the day while he was racing, he sure didn't treat me like his date. He treated me and my friend like we were groupies. I didn't appreciate it. There was a lack of exchanged attention between him and I so as soon as we went to the bar and while he was the star attraction at the bar, I decided I wasn't going to be another woman "fan" of his. I would rather mingle with real people who want to enjoy good company. I wasn't necessarily hitting on anyone. Just conversation with other people that happen to be a group of guys outside. I wasn't trying to make him jealous at all. I went back inside to check up on him to see if he was okay after I saw him looking for me outside. I even pulled him outside to introduce him to those guys and told them that I was actually there for his race at the Grand Prix.

He probably does that with most of the chicks he gets with and this is how he neutralizes them and messes with their heads. He saw you go off with 5 guys and he knew how to turn you out on that... and you played right into it. What grown man doesn't know that you don't mess with a girl's bff if you're trying to get with her? What he did was throw a bomb in your lap and it went off.

I could not imagine myself be "another girl" to a man. I would rather be the girl he couldn't forget.

He first has to be a man with that kind of mind set. This guy ain't that guy. He's the bad boy type who gets the good girls to forget themselves. If he wasn't a nascar driver, but the dude who worked at the local hardware store, would you really be giving him this much energy and thought?

I know this might be irrelevant, but would it be smart to just delete him as a friend on social media? I hate that I check his page constantly.

Yes because you're checking his page constantly. This isn't going anywhere and it's best for you to cut bait and let him go.

June 15, 2015

Are Irish racers really a big deal? Go figure.

There are definitely guys that use status to get what they want. Just because a guy acts nice doesn't mean he is. Why don't women get that? I hear all the time, and read all the time, "oh, I slept with him because he was so nice and I thought he was different". I know you didn't sleep with him...but my point is this:

Anyone can act like a good person. Good liars can come up with an excuse for everything. Good manipulators can force women to live off the 'highs' of seeing them for years. That's how most married men keep women on the hook. It becomes a drug.

Drop this guy. He will say anything to get you for the few hours he has you. He is charming and he is personable, and I'm sure that's a main reason he is where he is. A lot of people with status obtained it by walking on people.

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Where did I go wrong? I thought he was into me. He tried so hard to get me back.

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