How should i respond to my boyfriend asking me if i'm find if he goes to a strip club

[magicjelly1234]

We made a promise that if one gets to go to a stripclub, we have to tell each other. I know he goes to stripclubs for bachelors parties which i don't love but i'm ok with it bc it's a bachelor party.

 

His friend's coming to town, and he's organizing a guy night and he says he's thinking about doing a strip club with guys. To be brutally honest, Well there are plenty of stripclubs in the US and i just dont like the idea that he's the one organizing this. While there're so many other entertainments, he can organize.

 

I m not a prude, and i'm not a jealous person. but i just dont like the idea and this is just how i feel.

 

but of course i do not want to tell him what to do. bc that'll be controlling. men, can i tell him that i don't like the idea but i can't make him do anything, and it's his choice? or some tell me that i should just pretend that it's ok (which i feel like is stupid bc i don't know why i have to hide how i actually feel and lie about it).

[TunaCat]

Your feelings need to be taken into account. No you can't control what he does, but you need to tell him the truth. Tell him that you don't like the idea and that you'd prefer they did something else for guys night. Tell him that you aren't telling him what he can't do, but that you are uncomfortable with it.

[bachdude]

We made a promise that if one gets to go to a stripclub, we have to tell each other. I know he goes to stripclubs for bachelors parties which i don't love but i'm ok with it bc it's a bachelor party.

 

His friend's coming to town, and he's organizing a guy night and he says he's thinking about doing a strip club with guys. To be brutally honest, Well there are plenty of stripclubs in the US and i just dont like the idea that he's the one organizing this. While there're so many other entertainments, he can organize.

 

I m not a prude, and i'm not a jealous person. but i just dont like the idea and this is just how i feel.

 

but of course i do not want to tell him what to do. bc that'll be controlling. men, can i tell him that i don't like the idea but i can't make him do anything, and it's his choice? or some tell me that i should just pretend that it's ok (which i feel like is stupid bc i don't know why i have to hide how i actually feel and lie about it).

 

It isn't telling him "what to do" if you say you are NOT OK with him going to a strip club. It is just you saying what you want in a relationship. And it even wouldn't be telling him what to do if you said that you will not be in a relationship with him if he goes to strip clubs. That is simply informing him of what your boundaries are.

 

I think there are many women who would not tolerate their man going to strip clubs. There is absolutely nothing unreasonable about it and you have a right to your feelings.

 

If he truly cares about you, he will also care about how you feel, and will not go to strip clubs if you do not like it.

 

This may sound a little harsh but it is true; if he goes to strip clubs knowing how you feel, then he loves his strip clubs more than you.

[Clarence_Boddicker]

I've only been to a strip club because I knew two girls who worked at one & one of them wanted to broaden my experiences and she wanted to see me wasted. It was fun because I knew I was safe with her & she wasn't going to let me be taken advantage of. She taught me how to be a respectable customer & useful tricks like how to properly insert folded up dollar bills into a g string with my mouth. They are not really my place to hang out though. I could see going to a bachelor party, if I was close friends with the soon to be groom. I'd feel awkward if I was in a relationship & would probably want to leave early. I doubt I'd enjoy myself. If my SO was there, I'd feel differently, as she'd see that I wasn't hitting on dancers or involved in some of the raunch that goes on in the back rooms or bathrooms.

[amaysngrace]

Tell him how you feel about him organizing it.

 

Always stay true to you.

[MissBee]

We made a promise that if one gets to go to a stripclub, we have to tell each other. I know he goes to stripclubs for bachelors parties which i don't love but i'm ok with it bc it's a bachelor party.

 

His friend's coming to town, and he's organizing a guy night and he says he's thinking about doing a strip club with guys. To be brutally honest, Well there are plenty of stripclubs in the US and i just dont like the idea that he's the one organizing this. While there're so many other entertainments, he can organize.

 

I m not a prude, and i'm not a jealous person. but i just dont like the idea and this is just how i feel.

 

but of course i do not want to tell him what to do. bc that'll be controlling. men, can i tell him that i don't like the idea but i can't make him do anything, and it's his choice? or some tell me that i should just pretend that it's ok (which i feel like is stupid bc i don't know why i have to hide how i actually feel and lie about it).

 

Telling someone how you feel isn't the same as telling them what to do or controlling them.

 

In good relationships you can be honest about your feelings and it is up to your partner to honor them or not or come to a compromise. It makes no sense to lie about being okay with something then be secretly resentful or passive aggressive later.

 

It's best to just say "To be honest, I'm not fond of the idea. I'm just not comfortable. I won't tell you what to do but I don't feel great about it..." and hopefully that opens a conversation where you two can talk it out or come to a solution you're both happy with.