yxalitis Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 OK, went on a first date, after a short time (week) chatting online. Took her to a very nice dinner, we talked easily and fluidly for well over two hours. She did ask me a few drilling questions about my past relationships, even though I tried to steer the conversation away. But, I thought we connected, she made many positive comments about me, my attitude to life, etc. But, when we left, I walked her to the car park, she literally stepped back and waved good bye. Not even a hand shake. I texted her when I arrived home: Hi [name].. I drive away from dinner with a big smile on my face! I just meet a beautiful, intelligent, and amazing woman. I hope you felt a connection too. I would of course like to see you again... Her reply: Nice to meet you too. Thank you for the company. Talk soon. Good night. OK, nice enough, but that's clearly a "No" *sigh, and I liked her too...
CarrieT Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I would read, "Talk soon" as an invitation to ask her out again. 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Two things : 1) Nice dinners aren't a good idea for first "meets". In all honesty, if you're spending more than $10 you're spending too much. 2) Women tend to get scared off when men they just met come on WAY too strong. I mean honestly man. That text you sent was way too over the top. Something as simple as "Last night was fun!" the next day would have been plenty. You made it sound like you never get dates at all and want to cling to her. 7
Methodical Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Sounds like a no to me. She quickly stepped back to avoid body contact, which doesn't mean she's not into you, but clearly she didn't want body contact, nor did she return the sentiment about feeling a connection. I think she was probably just being nice and wants this to fade. Give it a few days and contact her. I'm sure she'll either be more responsive or politely decline future contact. 2
TunaCat Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 If she didn't want to see you again, she wouldn't say "Talk soon" I would ask her out again.
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I think actions speak louder than words. With her being quick to avoid body contact and leave, her wave seemed to be communicating that she was literally waving him off. I can't speak for women obviously. But maybe the ladies in the thread can comment on whether or not they would wave a guy off with no body contact that they actually wanted to see again. I mean you'd at least hug the guy right?
strawberryshortstack Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I think actions speak louder than words. With her being quick to avoid body contact and leave, her wave seemed to be communicating that she was literally waving him off. I can't speak for women obviously. But maybe the ladies in the thread can comment on whether or not they would wave a guy off with no body contact that they actually wanted to see again. I mean you'd at least hug the guy right? Not necessarily. I've always been shy, so I usually wait for the guy to initiate some sort of physical contact (there has only been one exception to this for me, and the jury is still out on whether or not it's going anywhere). I'd say she could just be shy, but I don't think the stepping back is a good sign, to be honest. 2
cessna Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I would read, "Talk soon" as an invitation to ask her out again. I wouldn't. That reply was polite but clearly a thanks but no thanks... To me at least. OP, ask her out again, you have nothing to lose. I could be wrong and I hope I am but I really don't think I am here. 1
Smthn_Like_Olivia Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I would have to agree with Cessna. It was a mild rejection. "Talk soon" means nothing. I think it was only thrown in because of how strongly you came on with your text. "Nice to meet you too" and "Thank you for the company" are dead giveaways. She returned no compliments or expressed any enjoyment in the date. Next!
Author yxalitis Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 Two things : 1) Nice dinners aren't a good idea for first "meets". In all honesty, if you're spending more than $10 you're spending too much. 2) Women tend to get scared off when men they just met come on WAY too strong. I mean honestly man. That text you sent was way too over the top. Something as simple as "Last night was fun!" the next day would have been plenty. You made it sound like you never get dates at all and want to cling to her. I normally do the quick-coffee first meet, but we clicked in our chats more than usual, so I thought I'd do something nicer. The text fitted in with my personality, that's how I am, and she saw all that. I'll ask her out again, but...yes, I doubt she'll get back to me. Still, plenty of fish, I have 3 other dates coming up.
cessna Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 The last date I went on I received a very similar response from the girl the same night. I can't remember it verbatim but it was along the lines of "thanks again for tonight, was nice meeting you". I knew that was her way of blowing me off, I replied anyway and would bet my house on her never getting back to me. She didn't.
mortensorchid Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Well, the only way to know for sure if it's a no is to ask to see her again. If she says no or doesn't respond you will have your answer. Otherwise you will be left wondering what if.
ZA Dater Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I think you did well, yes perhaps it was a bit over the top but you did what you thought was right and that is what really matters here, yes people will say you should have done this and you should have done that but ultimately at that moment you did what you thought was right. Stick with it and don't think maybe you should have done anything different, if she was a half decent person she would have appreciated the effort and the dinner. Disclaimer: very few are half decent and all seem to have some sort of dating manual us guys never get to see.
minime13 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I texted her when I arrived home: Hi [name].. I drive away from dinner with a big smile on my face! I just meet a beautiful, intelligent, and amazing woman. I hope you felt a connection too. I would of course like to see you again... Too strong, man. Too strong. Next time, just say you enjoyed your time and hope to see her again.
lollipopspot Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I can't speak for women obviously. But maybe the ladies in the thread can comment on whether or not they would wave a guy off with no body contact that they actually wanted to see again. I mean you'd at least hug the guy right? I don't know the mood of what was happening, but it's possible I might step back after the first meeting with someone, if he was coming on strong during the night and I wasn't quite sure what I wanted yet. I like to take physical contact slowly, usually, and get to know the person. It doesn't mean I wouldn't meet with him again. Sometimes people take awhile to grow on you.
ashy555 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 I am going to be honest with you. As a girl I don't think she is interested. It still can't hurt to text her one more time within the coming days. You will know by her response or how long she takes to respond if she is interested. She is a bit silly for saying talk soon. But really it means she just wants it to fade. If I have decided I am not into someone.. I try and keep my distance as much as possible. Its not very often i want to kiss someone on the first date though. If they walk me to the car I usually do a quick kiss on the cheek (but i made it real quick before they think im going in for the real deal) I feel a quick wave means she is not interested. 1
Author yxalitis Posted May 29, 2015 Author Posted May 29, 2015 So I texted her... Within a few hours...she replied: Sorry, been busy today. Just got the message. I will work out the time Smiley face So..there you go! Yay... 2
fitnessfan365 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Haha.. Notice how she is still skating around it though? In my experience, if a woman wants to go out with you, she'll know her schedule and be able to provide specifics. When a woman says 'I'll work out the time" it's usually code for "Now I'll sit around pretending to ponder hoping he gets the hint and goes away". So don't be surprised if you don't hear from her and then you reach out again and she says "It turns out I am really busy the rest of this week, but maybe next week instead? I'll let you know." 1
Halcyon Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Yeah for me this is a polite brush off still. She hasn't committed to any time at best I would say she is very much on the fence about if she likes you or not. She is not exactly jumping out of her seat to see you that's for sure. Every women I've dated who has been into me if they were not available would immediately offer another day she is. None of this "I'll let you know stuff." 1
jen1447 Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Maybe she's using the Women's Dating Handbook. I say we let OP have his victory and don't take a poop on it until/unless there's actually reason to worry.
PegNosePete Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 She doesn't seem particularly interested but you might as well keep the interest up from your end for now. Don't get emotionally invested and enjoy your other dates. If she gets back to you with a date, then great. If not, no loss. Whenever you're in this kind of situation the question to ask yourself is "what do I have to lose?"... often the answer is simply 10 seconds of your time and 1 of your 5,000 monthly texts allowance.
dangerbang Posted May 29, 2015 Posted May 29, 2015 Your text was way over the top to begin with. She's probably not that interested at all. From my experience when you connect properly with someone you wouldn't need to come on sites like this asking for advice.
Author yxalitis Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 She's not interested... That's fine, I've been on a couple of other dates since then, and finally met someone who is actually keen.
Art_Critic Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I would read, "Talk soon" as an invitation to ask her out again. absolutely agree.. if she wasn't looking for another date she would have said "take care"
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