ColdandLonelyinAK Posted May 27, 2015 Share Posted May 27, 2015 I've seen articles about "narcissists" around the Internet and, to be honest, I'm still not entirely sure of what constitutes a narcissist in relationships. Have you ever dated one? If so, what personality traits do they possess that makes them a narcissist? Link to post Share on other sites
Country_Girl Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 My experience is: -need for material possessions (signifies worth). Material stuff= physical worth. -into physical appearance/grooming (might not be a bad thing). -into self. Their needs first. Looks at you like an opportunity, what can you do for them? -boast about achievements, but in reality they are skating by. -highly critical of others. -put you on a pedastool, only to devalue you and discard you later. -need for constant validation, ego boost...that's all you're there for. The list goes on. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 I've seen articles about "narcissists" around the Internet and, to be honest, I'm still not entirely sure of what constitutes a narcissist in relationships. Have you ever dated one? If so, what personality traits do they possess that makes them a narcissist? It is very difficult for a layman to identify disordered narcissism. A disordered narcissist is very crafty at disguising what is essentially a deep seeded hatred of oneself, although narcissist appears to "be in love" with themselves. They are skilled at being extremely charming and to give the appearance of having sympathy and empathy for others. They give the illusion of being the perfect guy/gal. They go to great lengths to hide their insecurities and self-loathing. And, this is the reason that men/women end up falling deeply in love with the narcissist. They fall in love with the illusion. As time passes, however, the person who has fallen for the narcissist will begin to feel unfulfilled and questioning their own sanity. Things go wrong, through no fault of their own, but the narcissist will convince the "victim" that the problem lies with them. This is called "gaslighting". Gaslighting is the hallmark of a true narcissist. They are never wrong because that is an acknowledgment of their imperfection. One of the very first things a "victim" will notice is that when they are in need of comfort or support, the narcissistic partner will become completely unempathetic. They are incapable of empathy for another person. They understand how they are expected to behave but are not truly empathetic and do things that bring attention to themselves in that situation. In other words, they will do something that gives the appearance of being comforting or helpful, while saying "hey, look how well I'm handling this, look how much I'm helping. It's all about them. But, the lack of empathy becomes more and more apparent. Pay attention to their history. If they are or have been cruel to animals, this is an indicator of lack of empathy. Another early sign is the person's need for external validation. They seek praise and admiration for even the littlest "accomplishments" or for their appearance. They can't really get enough of that. A less obvious sign is how they treat service employees -- waitresses, bartenders, etc. One little thing isn't what they want or like and the service provider will be chastised or criticized blatantly. A victim may actually notice this first because they're out on a date/dates. Over time, the victim will realize something is very,very wrong but they unable to clearly identify the problem because they have been convinced that there is something wrong with them. Narcissistic individuals use various strategies to protect the self at the expense of others. They tend to devalue, derogate and blame others, and they respond to threatening feedback with anger and hostility. It is very difficult to get away from a true narcissist. Narcissism is a coping mechanism for dealing with real or perceived inadequacies. However, true narcissism is not common. Everyone possesses some narcissistic traits. The ability to love oneself is part of being emotionally healthy. It is the reason we take care of ourselves -- grooming, doing things for ourselves. Keeping out homes clean, etc. The things I've cited above are signs to look for but if it's true narcissism, everything will be exaggerated almost to a spectacular degree. In other words, if they appear to be in love with themselves, it will be grandiose. There are people who come across that way, and maybe a little bit obvious, but not to the extreme of a narcissist. If you are feeling "trapped" in a relationship with someone you suspect is a narcissist, you must seek help to get away from them. YOu will need professional counseling to attempt to restore your self-esteem and support from family and friends. 5 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) Nice observation about being rude to waiters. Thats a clear sign. It's easy to spot a narcissist on facebook. Lots of selfies, gym pictures, all status updates seem to reinforce his/her superiority. The classic trait I've noticed is lots of status updates about working out and selfies at the gym. Also they will only allow pictures of themself which look flattering. A goofy picture will never be allowed on the Facebook page. Also they won't reply or comment on anything that doesn't reinforce their status as superior. A narcissist IMO will always be more interested in how you make him/her look to peers vs. actually caring about you or the relationship. Edited May 28, 2015 by deadelvis Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 Nice observation about being rude to waiters. Thats a clear sign. It's easy to spot a narcissist on facebook. Lots of selfies, gym pictures, all status updates seem to reinforce his/her superiority. The classic trait I've noticed is lots of status updates about working out and selfies at the gym. Also they will only allow pictures of themself which look flattering. A goofy picture will never be allowed on the Facebook page. Also they won't reply or comment on anything that doesn't reinforce their status as superior. A narcissist IMO will always be more interested in how you make him/her look to peers vs. actually caring about you or the relationship. will always be more interested in how you make him/her look to peers -- this is also a big one. They will often be critical of your appearance and how you look "with them". They want what they would call a "hood ornament". You will need to look your best at all times, especially in public, so as not to make them look bad. Sometimes the reverse happens though . . . they want you to not look as good as they do so that they "stand out". These narcissists will chronically belittle you and accuse you of say over dressing to get attention or seeking male attention. So they want you to dress down. But it's really that they want to look better themselves in appearance. They then turn this around on the victim later. "You are such a slob, people don't understand why I'm with you. They don't know how wonderful you are though". 2 Link to post Share on other sites
deadelvis Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 The gaslighting comment was good too. I never really made the connection between gaslighting and narcissism but it totally makes sense. Link to post Share on other sites
davidromero43 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 It's easy to spot a narcissist on facebook. Lots of selfies, gym pictures, So you have seen my facebook page Being rude to waiters, customer service, and any type of help is a big red flag. Link to post Share on other sites
Redhead14 Posted May 28, 2015 Share Posted May 28, 2015 This wouldn't work. A true disordered narcissist will not call himself a narcissist because he/she understands that that is a negative trait. They will not accept or admit to anything that puts them in a negative light. Their response to a question like that will be "no, I'm not. I'm perfect." Link to post Share on other sites
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