dm1173 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 This has happened to be a few times now, where a guy acts interested, but then doesn't follow through. At first it'd be things like, a guy would ask for my number ut never contact me - no biggy. then it progressed - I met a guy on a night out, we had mutual friends. He got my number and we started texting, he asked me if I wanted to meet up for a drink. I was travelling for a few weeks so explained I wouldn't be free until after then. We set a provisional date and we text the entire time. Closer to the time, he doesn't mention it. The night before he cancels via text. we send a few texts later but I have become disheartened and he never asks for another date. Most recent guy has gotten to me. We meet at a social event. I kiss him, and spend the night at his (with other people, and nothing sexual happens). The next morning he is very keen, doesn't want me to leave, and walks me home. however, he forgets to get my number. I assume he just wasn't that interested. However - he hunts me down, adds me on facebook, apologizes for forgetting and gives me his number. He asks if I'd like to hang out sometime. I've already suggested going to an exhibit we mentioned we both were interested in. So I tell him I would like to see him again and we start texting for a few weeks - however again, he never sets a specific time or date. then he'll go for days without texting me. When he does text me, he seems keen. Things come to a head last weekend. He texts me on the saturday and strongly hints at going to the exhibit we discussed. He doesn't ask me to go direclty though. I casually ask when he'd be free but he overlooks it. Later that day he asks if I'd like to hang out? I've hurt myself and ask him if he wants to come to mine? All of a sudden he's ill and can't come. I text him the next morning and ask him how he is - no response. I now don't expect to ever hear from him again. SO, why do guys keep doing this to me? Why spark my interest, just to drift away? In the case of the last guy, why go to all the effort of tracking me down on facebook? He could have left it at us saying goodbye when he dropped me home. Is there something I'm doing wrong here? I initiate text conversations but not all the time. I show interest but I'm not desperate. I have a life and I get on with things, but i'd rather he just left it at "forgetting" to get my number, rather than raise my interest/hopes by getting in contact. it's starting to make me think there's something wrong with me!
Leigh 87 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Men I have actually met a few times have done it. They meet me, after first date they text me right away and say how gorgeous I was and how they cannot wait to see me again. I've had those guys, that I met, tell me that they could see themselves dating me and they would definately act into me ( they sent good morning beautiful texts daily and they always texted first. They asked me questions about myself). The they dissapear. Often. The thing is, men either: see u as cute enough for sex but not good enough to date. So they say what you want to hear so they can get easy sex. Or, they may well be into the idea of you initially. The they loose interest. They either realise they aren't that attracted to us and OR they don't click with our personalities....... Or, they THINK they are into you only to discover that they meet another option who they are even MORE attracted to and onto. After a week or two they owe us no explanation. Although it's still rude to dissapear or make plans without following through. It happens to me with nearly all the men I am attracted to. Most of them seem really into me only to dissapear or fade out. It happens.. They are just not that into us. They wither aren't attracted enough to bother, they don't like our personalities much and OR they simply were talking to multiple women from the get go and met a woman they were more attracted to than they were us. Who knows why. Do you really want to know? I sure don't. I don't exactly want a guy to be totally honest and say " so I loved making out with you and talking with you for hours. I have realised that I am just not excited about talking to you and I am actually not all that sexually into you either" Just assume it's one of those reasons and be glad he doesn't utter his every thought to you. It probably wouldn't be flattering for the most part. I've been there and it sucks. Especially when, whilst with you, they tell you how gorgeous you are.
Author dm1173 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Men I have actually met a few times have done it. They meet me, after first date they text me right away and say how gorgeous I was and how they cannot wait to see me again. I've had those guys, that I met, tell me that they could see themselves dating me and they would definately act into me ( they sent good morning beautiful texts daily and they always texted first. They asked me questions about myself). The they dissapear. Often. The thing is, men either: see u as cute enough for sex but not good enough to date. So they say what you want to hear so they can get easy sex. Or, they may well be into the idea of you initially. The they loose interest. They either realise they aren't that attracted to us and OR they don't click with our personalities....... Or, they THINK they are into you only to discover that they meet another option who they are even MORE attracted to and onto. After a week or two they owe us no explanation. Although it's still rude to dissapear or make plans without following through. It happens to me with nearly all the men I am attracted to. Most of them seem really into me only to dissapear or fade out. It happens.. They are just not that into us. They wither aren't attracted enough to bother, they don't like our personalities much and OR they simply were talking to multiple women from the get go and met a woman they were more attracted to than they were us. Who knows why. Do you really want to know? I sure don't. I don't exactly want a guy to be totally honest and say " so I loved making out with you and talking with you for hours. I have realised that I am just not excited about talking to you and I am actually not all that sexually into you either" Just assume it's one of those reasons and be glad he doesn't utter his every thought to you. It probably wouldn't be flattering for the most part. I've been there and it sucks. Especially when, whilst with you, they tell you how gorgeous you are. The thing is, i'm not scared of knowing... he if wasn't interested in me, for whatever reason, i'd rather just know rather than wondering! I made it very clear that I was not into casual sex, when I went back to his (in case he expected anything). He made a point of saying we should hang out during the day - though, never actually followed through. It's just so odd!
Author dm1173 Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Also, I should mention i'm fairly confident there aren't any other girls in the picture. This is based on conversations we had in the morning - we chatted for hours actually! It's possible he was outright lying, but I don't think he was. His ex is out of the country so she can't have reappeared either!
misspond Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Honestly? I think it's the prevalence of "teh Internets" and not just online dating that has caused this problem. Everyone has someone else at their fingertips (no pun intended) these days. So even if they don't have other "options" they can Google any situation they like, and get "information" about it whether it relates to them or not. "What does it mean if.....?" will call up a slew of opinions from random people who all seem to be talking about your particular situation, even though they're really not.
Vuuduu Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Could it be that you're too eager before you've gotten to know the guys? Things that you chase run away from you. There has to be a "letting go" so that you can let it come to you. When you really want something, let it go. Just be. Don't go out of your way or make too many efforts. Just live your life and what you want will come to you. Also, I'm not judging or lecturing. These are things that I have to remind myself of all the time 2
Gaeta Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Also, I should mention i'm fairly confident there aren't any other girls in the picture. This is based on conversations we had in the morning - we chatted for hours actually! It's possible he was outright lying, but I don't think he was. His ex is out of the country so she can't have reappeared either! It is exactly like Leigh_87 said. It happened to me over and over. It's useless trying to figure out why, it's just because they had a change of heart and you cannot control that. Knowing why won't serve you in any way. If a guy decided to fade away because of XYZ well that XYZ may make another man crazy about you. Just continue being yourself and eventually it will click on both sides.
Leigh 87 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 It is exactly like Leigh_87 said. It happened to me over and over. It's useless trying to figure out why, it's just because they had a change of heart and you cannot control that. Knowing why won't serve you in any way. If a guy decided to fade away because of XYZ well that XYZ may make another man crazy about you. Just continue being yourself and eventually it will click on both sides. Is it just me or do you PREFER not knowing?? I personally prefer the dissapear dissapearing act. I don't particularly want to know if he just didn't find me attractive enough.
Leigh 87 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 The thing is, i'm not scared of knowing... he if wasn't interested in me, for whatever reason, i'd rather just know rather than wondering! I made it very clear that I was not into casual sex, when I went back to his (in case he expected anything). He made a point of saying we should hang out during the day - though, never actually followed through. It's just so odd! It's probably because he didn't get sex. When a guy invites you over he still hopes for sex or some action despite your no casual.sex clause lol.
deadelvis Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 No. With both genders this happens. He decided in the first 30 seconds if you were attractive enough to sleep with, date etc. It's possible he felt like you didn't "click" but 95% of the time it's that he met someone else and fell for them or someone he really liked finally let him into their life. I just did this to three girls recently. I had been talking to them and setting up dates etc. Then the girl I've been in love with since high school started suddenly showing interest in me and I never talked to the other girls again. They were all great/attractive girls, but I had been waiting for my (now GF) to show interest for over 10 years. When she did I just suddenly stopped texting the other girls. It's not you. It's something similar to what I just described, or maybe he got back with an ex. I wouldn't overthink it or take it personally
fitnessfan365 Posted May 28, 2015 Posted May 28, 2015 Haha.. Women do this just as much. Had two separate first dates. Both great and multiple moments of kissing. They both said how much they enjoyed kissing me and how they wanted to see me again. So I send a post first date text the next day. They respond positively. I say that I'll call soon to plan the next date and they say they're looking forward to it. Then neither one called me back. I mean it's an easy out just not to respond to the text. But to respond, say they're looking forward to the call, and then fade makes no sense to me..LOL Also recently had four great dates with this other woman. I honestly thought she had real potential. She showed tons of enthusiasm, always mentioned future plans, would say things like "You're the only man to make me go weak in the knees from kissing", etc.. The last date ended with her saying she couldn't wait to see me again. Yet when I called to plan the next date/left voice mail, nothing for five days. So today I sent a quick text this morning "Following up on my voice mail. Did u not get it?" No response at all. Considering all her enthusiasm and everything else, it makes no sense. But better to find out now that she lacks even basic common courtesy.
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