Has anyone any experience of this what do I do?

[Helz87]

Hi all

 

Bit of background me and my ex were together for 8 years we have a son together things were never good from the beginning but we were young and carefree. We both loved to party and I think our relationship was based around this, after I had my son things got progressively worse, my ex has a nasty habit of spoiling all relationships around him he was (still is) addicted to weed, barely worked in his whole adult life and has a whole host of mental issues.

 

I moved home last year and since then I started to do things I enjoy but he was always there in the background speaking each day, seeing each other most weekends to take our son out etc, it isn't normal but at the time it felt normal. I've got to a stage now we're I feel burnt out I'm starting to feel like I want to move on because I'm nearing 30 and have never experienced a nice happy normal relationship were there is total love and respect for each other but the other half of me wants to make sure he is ok and care for him as he is very very alone, he doesn't have many friends no job and his parents have practically disowned him.

 

My friend wanted to get me fixed up and I actually started to chat to this guy and got on with him really well I feel sad that I can't move on normally because this is always there does anyone have experience of this? I know in my heart the answer is to walk Away but with a child involved and I'm seriously concerned for his mental health.nhe is also desperate to try again but I feel like to much has happened and he is very unhappy in himself he thinks that I am going to make him happy again but I know I can't.

 

Thanks for listening

[DexterLS]

A relationship should be based around love and trust. It seems you don't trust him to be a good life-long partner to you, and for good reason.

 

Also, I don't think it's fair to you or him to stay in this relationship out of pity.

[d0nnivain]

As long as it is safe to do so -- i.e. he's not high or suicidal -- you let your EX see his son & you be polite to him. You don't owe him anything else.

 

Anything else he does or doesn't do is his CHOICE. Some people have to bit rock bottom before they can fix what's wrong. You leaving may be the motivation he needs. Even if it sends him deeper down the rabbit hole, keeping your child out of that environment is the best thing you can do.

[minime13]

You have a child, so that's your first priority.

 

Does the father seem to be able to take care of his child in a safe and loving manner? That would be my first concern when dealing with an addict. Regardless of whether or not it's marijuana, how safe is it for him to be taking your child?

 

This is what you need to worry about right now - your child's best interest. If you feel reasonably comfortable with him being involved in your child's life, then let him. Worry about dating other people (and you should, since you're pretty done with this relationship) after.

[Chi townD]

The guy has a lot of growing up to do. He's smoking pot i.e. taking drugs and he hasn't held a steady job. He also has mental health issues that are going unaddressed. Do you really want him around your son? Do you think he's being a good male role model for him? Here's the rub, only he can fix himself. HE has to take the first steps into getting the help he needs. You can talk to him until you're blue in the face, but if he isn't ready to grow up and take care of himself, then how do you expect him to take care of a family?

 

 

Right now, worry about the only thing you have control over and that's YOU! Your son needs a responsible parent in his life. You need to be there for him. That should be your only concern. Sure, you're lonely. I get it. But you got a little guy that is depending on you. Now, relationships will come into your life down the road and it might be with his father (if he ever gets his act together) or someone else. But, for the time being, I think you need to focus and you and your son.