RavNouS Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Afternoon All, I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. Met a girl online a month ago and have been on 4 great dates since (had tons of fun, laughing, getting to know each other). We've also held hands, and kissed as of date 1 and more recently touched each others more unmentionable parts (No Sex yet though, I did look to escalate things to that point but she kept shooting me down). She always texts me the day after a date and keeps up communication every day. That is until this past weekend where we made plans to have dinner in at her place (per her suggestion following date #4). She texted me saying I should bring a bottle of wine to test my knowledge (per previous date convo) and everything seemed smooth sailing until 3 hours before our meet-up. She texted me saying she was stuck upstate with friends due to her ride being to drunk to drive... Could we do the next day. I had plans the next day and couldn't do it so I suggest two other week days. She said "that would be great! your choice!" so I replied by picking the day and saying "did you still want to dinner in?" as to not force things. She said "Sure!" so I mentioned a time and said I'll see you then. We went radio silence for a few days which hasn't been typical so I let things be. Today I get another cancelling text from her saying this week is crazy with work and she thinks next week is hopefully better. At this point, my reaction is going to be no response as I'm cutting her loose. I believe she is either sexually shy or dating around and trying to keep her options open (I noticed in passing that she disabled her online profile a week or so ago). Did I approach this incorrectly? I'm just hoping for some insight for future situations.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Hard to really know for sure but my experience tells me she's probably distracted with another guy(s) yet keeping you on the hook until she figures things out. As for your approach, I think you handled yourself just fine up to this point. If I were you, I'd go silent and let her reach out to you. The ball is in her court. Since she's the one that backed out of two dates already it should be her who makes the next move. Good luck. 1
minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Afternoon All, I'm going to try and keep this short and sweet. Met a girl online a month ago and have been on 4 great dates since (had tons of fun, laughing, getting to know each other). We've also held hands, and kissed as of date 1 and more recently touched each others more unmentionable parts (No Sex yet though, I did look to escalate things to that point but she kept shooting me down). She always texts me the day after a date and keeps up communication every day. That is until this past weekend where we made plans to have dinner in at her place (per her suggestion following date #4). She texted me saying I should bring a bottle of wine to test my knowledge (per previous date convo) and everything seemed smooth sailing until 3 hours before our meet-up. She texted me saying she was stuck upstate with friends due to her ride being to drunk to drive... Could we do the next day. I had plans the next day and couldn't do it so I suggest two other week days. She said "that would be great! your choice!" so I replied by picking the day and saying "did you still want to dinner in?" as to not force things. She said "Sure!" so I mentioned a time and said I'll see you then. We went radio silence for a few days which hasn't been typical so I let things be. Today I get another cancelling text from her saying this week is crazy with work and she thinks next week is hopefully better. At this point, my reaction is going to be no response as I'm cutting her loose. I believe she is either sexually shy or dating around and trying to keep her options open (I noticed in passing that she disabled her online profile a week or so ago). Did I approach this incorrectly? I'm just hoping for some insight for future situations. I think you did fine, one question is why did you stop texting? Was it usually her that texted you and you responded, or was it both? One of three things are happening: she really is having a crazy time at work and just isn't able to talk and go out during the week, she's got another person she is more interested in, and would rather put off your plans for the benefit of the other person, or she's just losing interest. Four dates is really too early to be putting that much thought into it, though. Just do what you're doing, as you've put in enough effort to get together. If she's still interested, she'll call you and then you can go from there. 1
oldshirt Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Both of you should still be keeping your options open at this point. My recommendation is let this dinner date go and don't bring it up again. If you still want to see her, come up with some kind of plan and ask her out. If she accepts then do that instead. If she comes up with a list of reasons she can't or if she bails again, then you have your answer. 1
Author RavNouS Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 I think you did fine, one question is why did you stop texting? Was it usually her that texted you and you responded, or was it both? One of three things are happening: she really is having a crazy time at work and just isn't able to talk and go out during the week, she's got another person she is more interested in, and would rather put off your plans for the benefit of the other person, or she's just losing interest. Four dates is really too early to be putting that much thought into it, though. Just do what you're doing, as you've put in enough effort to get together. If she's still interested, she'll call you and then you can go from there. Typically over the past month I've been the one to end the texting for various reasons: she didn't say anything worth replying to ("that's great!" etc.), it was late so I would say "good night, I'm headed to bed", or she would end it (which has happened more recently). She always seemed excited via her texts with the exclamation points and frequency of texts (Would also double text me when I didn't reply fast enough for her liking). I believe that's fair enough, no? The one date she cancelled was this past Sunday when both of us were off on Monday (US holiday). When she mentioned meeting up the next day she suggested the beach as opposed to meeting at her place (Which is why I asked if she still wanted to do dinner in, she could have easily suggested something different and I would have gone with it). I'll definitely drop the "Dinner in" idea and wait to see if I hear from her, at this point I'm not replying to a second cancellation back to back. Thanks!
Phoe Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I'm always kind of amazed at the automatic assumption folks have that if someone they have just started dating is busy, it MUST be that they are seeing someone else. Sometimes people really are just busy. Sure, she cancelled on you twice and that's not something I approve of. I do think it's good that she did offer reschedules rather than just cancelling and vaguely saying maybe some other time. But the automatic assumption that she must be seeing other men is just so over the top. My guess is she's just a bit poor with planning and time management. 2
Author RavNouS Posted May 28, 2015 Author Posted May 28, 2015 (edited) I'm always kind of amazed at the automatic assumption folks have that if someone they have just started dating is busy, it MUST be that they are seeing someone else. Sometimes people really are just busy. Sure, she cancelled on you twice and that's not something I approve of. I do think it's good that she did offer reschedules rather than just cancelling and vaguely saying maybe some other time. But the automatic assumption that she must be seeing other men is just so over the top. My guess is she's just a bit poor with planning and time management. I totally appreciate the different perspective, this is exactly why I posted and will help me to see things in a new light. The only reason I think that way is that she's been straight-forward with me from the start (mention when works gotten busy or she had a trip away, etc.) and only now have things become more vague (even her second "reschedule" sounds like a blow off with "hopefully next week is better"). To this point on the planning/time management end she's been pretty good as well (got the tickets for our 4th time out and had everything lined up). I do agree I need to take things at face value but two straight cancellations and past experience tend to skew my vision. Do you think my non response is warranted or would you reply back with an "Understood" or something along those lines? I've found silence to be more deafening/powerful. Edited May 28, 2015 by RavNouS
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