Should I txt my recent ex who I broke up with to see how she's doing?

[taw3890]

I broke up with my ex about a month ago. Reasons for the brake up were her developing feelings towards another guy (my only reason). She had also requested a brake from the relationship for couple of weeks prior the actual brake up. Upon that time she said that she feels like she needs to be alone and "find herself" and all that (but still continued texting the other guy). A couple of weeks after the brake up she drove 4 hours to visit the other guy (this wasn't the first time they saw each other, however). Later on, after I had broken up with her, she told me more reasons for the brake she had requested earlier.

 

During our relationship many times we were out partying, I would for some reason get annoyed by her behavior towards and around me. Then I would take it all on her and blame that she doesn't respect me and stuff like that. Afterwards I always said that I'm sorry, and lately I realized what an ass I was back then (even though I still think she could have treated me better). That was reason #1.

 

Her reason #2 was that she met this Charlie fellow. She developed feelings for him and said that she was confused now that she had feelings for two guys. First when I found out about all this, she said that she just wanted attention. Why wouldn't she bring this up during our relationship? Communication is the key, so why would't she communicate? Anyway, I couldn't take this and broke up with her because of it. For me this was emotional cheating

 

Her reason #3 was the lack of sex. This boggles me. Why didn't she bring this up during our relationship? Or better yet, why wouldn't she act on it? I mean, I realized we had this issue and brought it up several times and yet most of the time I was still the one to make the first move. And during, she would just lay there. And I won't even mention the lack of oral sex from her part. During the year there was maybe 5 times where i was at the receiving end, and 5/5 times I was the one who requested it in the first place. Still, I would more than happy pleasure her because I knew it made her feel good.

 

Her reason #4 was that she just didn't "feel" the same attraction or the feeling of love when she saw me. If this was the case, why couldn't she told me about this long ago, so we could work on it? I know that you can't make a person love you, but I do know that at some point she and I had something special, something real.

 

After all this, she still said that she loved me, and week or so after we broke up she said that she misses me. Lately she has sent me two txt messages regarding school. We go to the same university and studied in the same class. First message was about a funny coincidence about a male friend of hers who had just received an email that was about a made up advert that we had created for the projects some months ago. Why would she tell me this?

 

In the latter txt message she sent me a screenshot about an evaluation of one of her school project. (the evaluation said that her and her group were the best in class).

 

What is the meaning of these txts? I don't get it.

 

My ultimate question is this: Would it be okay to ask how she is doing?

 

I miss her still. However, I realize that regardless of how bad I want us to get back together, it isn't possible...not right now. She still is in contact with the other dude (who btw lives in another city and speaks another language). We are currently still living together because of the lease. However, she spends most of the nights at her parents. When she drops by, we keep our contact short and civil. We still talk about stuff when she's here to pick up clothes or stuff like that. And the other day when she came over to pick up some clothes, she had bought new shoes and clothes and showed them to me (and asked me to zip her dress from the back). I'm always overanalyzing these scenarios for some reason...

 

Can you help me?

[PegNosePete]

No, do not text her. It will make you feel worse. The best way to get over her and the end of your relationship is to cut all contact.

 

And why the hell would you ever want to speak to someone who left you for someone else, anyway?? Have you no self respect?

[Ruby65]

I agree -- she's been unfaithful and her calling for a "break" was really just to give herself time to see how things were going to work out with this other guy while keeping you as a Plan B.

 

She wanted to keep you as a backup while checking him out. You're right to call this emotional cheating because that's exactly what it was!

 

So, no -- she doesn't need you texting to make sure she's okay.

 

Right now, your one and only job is making sure that YOU are okay!

 

Here's a guide that will help you: http://www.breakuprecoverguide.com

 

Good luck to you -- keep posting!

 

[hunk]

Tell her to **** off and leave you alone, she is blatantly disrespecting you and stringing you along and sounds like she's actually getting a kick out of it. She doesn't care about how you feel, it sounds like she's deriving pleasure from your misery. Don't contact her, delete her from everything and make sure she can't reach you. She is going to string you along as much as she can and as long as you allow her to do so.

 

You may think you dumped her and therefore she is the dumpee and you should be reaching out - this is wrong, you are 100% the dumpee in this situation even though you ended it. The relationship was long over and she had long checked out, she has the power over you right now. You need to disappear and never speak to her again, she wants someone else, you have been completely rejected and like pete says I don't understand why you would want her back after this, together with the behavior she's displayed towards you.

 

This is a clear situation where complete and total NC is the only option, and to do anything else is just masochistic and stupid.