Becca9191 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 So I dated this awesome guy for a few months back aug-nov but it was long distance. We ended things on good terms due to the distance. We kept in touch and a few months later he moved to my city for the summer to work (I live in a big city and he goes to school in a very small town 4 hours away and his roots on here.) He reached out to me and we started talking again. He said to me: (only 3.5 weeks ago) –...that he was in a good place for a relationship now he is going to be working very hard this summer ( he doesn’t want to get a loan, be in debt…he wants to pay for school on his own and growing up very poor this is huge for him.) -...For me to know that I would be the only girl in the picture -….And that we should take it slow, have fun and see whats happens in the future Well...I thought I was cool but I ****ed it up because honestly I got insecure and assumed that because he said he wanted to take it slow he didn’t want a relationship…I confronted him about leading me on and lying etc. (Not good I know) So anyways he got angry and said that yes his main goal is working this summer and saving money to pay for his education but that he liked me and wanted to see what could happen….that we just had to enjoy the moment and relax…"whats the rush"… Then he said that he needed a woman who could trust him & his word, to know that he isn’t playing and to have her own life/goals/ambitions. He mentioned that I became less confident over time…he said that he didn’t think this would work he was already stressed and tired even more now.. I understand I tried to rush things and instead of enjoying them I tried to push things. How can I save this? There is no reason for me not to trust him..I assumed negative things and acted on them. And looking back I can tell that we were getting closer..I was just to focused on the neg. Any advice is welcome. I also realize I need to work on my independence and confidence.
LostOne1 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 So I dated this awesome guy for a few months back aug-nov but it was long distance. We ended things on good terms due to the distance. We kept in touch and a few months later he moved to my city for the summer to work (I live in a big city and he goes to school in a very small town 4 hours away and his roots on here.) He reached out to me and we started talking again. He said to me: (only 3.5 weeks ago) –...that he was in a good place for a relationship now he is going to be working very hard this summer ( he doesn’t want to get a loan, be in debt…he wants to pay for school on his own and growing up very poor this is huge for him.) -...For me to know that I would be the only girl in the picture -….And that we should take it slow, have fun and see whats happens in the future Well...I thought I was cool but I ****ed it up because honestly I got insecure and assumed that because he said he wanted to take it slow he didn’t want a relationship…I confronted him about leading me on and lying etc. (Not good I know) So anyways he got angry and said that yes his main goal is working this summer and saving money to pay for his education but that he liked me and wanted to see what could happen….that we just had to enjoy the moment and relax…"whats the rush"… Then he said that he needed a woman who could trust him & his word, to know that he isn’t playing and to have her own life/goals/ambitions. He mentioned that I became less confident over time…he said that he didn’t think this would work he was already stressed and tired even more now.. I understand I tried to rush things and instead of enjoying them I tried to push things. How can I save this? There is no reason for me not to trust him..I assumed negative things and acted on them. And looking back I can tell that we were getting closer..I was just to focused on the neg. Any advice is welcome. I also realize I need to work on my independence and confidence. hmm.. maybe apolgize and let him know you understand and GET him now. You didn't get what he was going through and the pace he wanted. Then you let him be and back off. Let him come to you slowly, and chances are he probably will after he thinks it over. He'll probably give you another chance. I can't guarantee it.. but at this point pushing him more is gonna make it much worse.
La.Primavera Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 On one hand he said he was in a good place for a relationship now and that you would be the only girl in the picture. Yet on the other hand, he said "we should take it slow, have fun and see whats happens in the future "which indicates he something more casual. I'm not surprised you were confused about the situation and confronted him about it. If you want a relationship rather than a "see how it goes type scenario" then you need to stand your ground. If he really wants to be with you then he has to be willing to accept that. It sounds like he has freaked out about the thought of things getting serious too quickly which is why he deflected it back on to you making it your problem. It sounds like he is going through a stressful time at the moment but if he is willing to drop you that easily then he doesn't want the same things right now. Give him space to figure out what he wants and do your own thing. That's the only advice I can offer.
Eaglestar83 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 He Becca, To be honest I think you're being too harsh on yourself. It sounds like he is unsure about you two and just wants to have fun and "see what happens" now that he is in town and he knows how much you are into him. If you want him for something serious then stand your grounds and don't budge to his manipulation. "Seeing how it goes" sounds like a recipe for disaster in the near future. If u also want something casual right now then it's fine but that doesn't sound to be the case so be careful with your heart and don't let it get abused
phineas Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 Either op isn't telling us the full story or her man is a manipulator because his response seems dramatic & over the top for what she claims to have done. Besides, in a few months the long distance situation is going to reassert itself & you'll be back to where you were. Ending things due to distance. I think the best you can hope for is a summer fling with him.
Gaeta Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 And that we should take it slow, have fun and see what happens in the future When a man says that he's not serious about you. He's only interested in having some fun, living in the moment, and then go back to his life. It's a phrase a lot of men use to have you stick around and not demand to much.
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