jambes Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I dont know what to do, i really need some advice on how to proceed. I posted my story little while ago ('pity phonecalls'), I got dumped and in search for some relief i roamed these fora and posted my story. Got the advice to begin and maintain NC. I erased her number, blocked her everywhere on social media... Last time we spoke though she asked if it would help me if she would call once in a while. I said yes at the time (desperately wanting to keep her close) So now she did and i responded. I kept it REALLY short. Since I erased her number i didnt recognize it was her calling me, so i took the call real formally ('this is Tim speaking') and was not prepared for it to be her. I was a bit startled when i heard it was she. I asked her what she wanted and she said she 'just called'. I said I was at work (which i am at the moment). She said 'ow, i'm interupting, i'll leave u to it' I said ok, then she said 'until the next time!'. I said yes and hung up the phone. Now it is really bugging me. Was I being too short? Should I call her back later tonight (when i finish work)? Or should I uphold the NC period for a couple of more weeks? I'm aware of the time period being apart is too short for her to change her mind or really miss me (i learned on these fora and several other sites, minimum 3-6 weeks no contact), but cant help thinking what if... I'm CLEARLY not over this, not in a long time. My knees were shaking when I put the phone down. Still, I want to explore the true motive for her calling. She didnt sound 'blank' or dullvoiced like the last time we spoke, she actually sounded enthousiastic in those phew words we exchanged so that flickers my hope up. But I'm scared I'm mistaking and heading for another headon collision with pure desperation. Any input would be appreciated.
Ruby65 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Her true motive for calling? Who knows? Pick one: - She called because she promised you she would. - She called because she feels sorry for you. - She called because it helps her feel more secure while she moves on. - She called because she was feeling bored/lonely/unloved and wanted a lift. - She called because she thinks now you can be "friends." - She called because it helps her feel less guilty for breaking up with you. Best to block her number. Her "pity calls" won't be helping you heal from this breakup... they'll only be setting you back. 2
TunaCat Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 (edited) No, you were not being too short. You're a week into NC of course you're going to be struggling with any contact you have with her. By saying that it would help you if she still called you every once in awhile, she gets to keep you on her hook & as a plan B and your healing comes to a complete stop. Stop thinking about this. Every time you start to think about calling her back, call a friend or a family member instead. And please do not contact her again. You need to heal and this is not the way to do it. Edited May 26, 2015 by TunaCat 1
Satu Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 No Contact isn't a trick to get someone back. It's not for manipulating people. It's a tool for healing.
quattrob Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 If you still have hope that she will come back, I advise you to give up on that. She only called because you said that's what you wanted. It had nothing to do with wanting to get back with you. You are definitely over thinking everything from a simple small phone call which you agreed and accepted when you were asked by her previously. 1
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I dont know what to do, i really need some advice on how to proceed. I posted my story little while ago ('pity phonecalls'), I got dumped and in search for some relief i roamed these fora and posted my story. Got the advice to begin and maintain NC. I erased her number, blocked her everywhere on social media... Last time we spoke though she asked if it would help me if she would call once in a while. I said yes at the time (desperately wanting to keep her close) So now she did and i responded. I kept it REALLY short. Since I erased her number i didnt recognize it was her calling me, so i took the call real formally ('this is Tim speaking') and was not prepared for it to be her. I was a bit startled when i heard it was she. I asked her what she wanted and she said she 'just called'. I said I was at work (which i am at the moment). She said 'ow, i'm interupting, i'll leave u to it' I said ok, then she said 'until the next time!'. I said yes and hung up the phone. Now it is really bugging me. Was I being too short? Should I call her back later tonight (when i finish work)? Or should I uphold the NC period for a couple of more weeks? I'm aware of the time period being apart is too short for her to change her mind or really miss me (i learned on these fora and several other sites, minimum 3-6 weeks no contact), but cant help thinking what if... I'm CLEARLY not over this, not in a long time. My knees were shaking when I put the phone down. Still, I want to explore the true motive for her calling. She didnt sound 'blank' or dullvoiced like the last time we spoke, she actually sounded enthousiastic in those phew words we exchanged so that flickers my hope up. But I'm scared I'm mistaking and heading for another headon collision with pure desperation. Any input would be appreciated. It is time to change the dynamic in this ill-fated relationship. You're being too considerate of her feelings, and very inconsiderate of your own. Nice guys like that finish last. Be your own best friend here. First, don't put any time limit on NC. You'll talk to her when you think you can deal with that unemotionally, and by that time, you probably won't care one way or the other. I'm assuming that if you answered formally, then this phone is not yours to block. I'd suggest that you record a speech into your phone. Something along the lines of Listen to me and listen good. I've changed my mind. Don't call me again, do you understand? I'll call you when I'm good and ready and I don't want to hear a peep out of you until I do.When she calls again, hopefully, she won't, but when she does: Is this Matilda? Yes.. Hold on for just a second then play your recording... wait 2 seconds and hang up. Oh, and if you didn't catch on, don't worry about being too harsh, or whatever negative thing you're afraid you might be. You'll leave quite an impact, and maybe she'll start wondering about what changed with you instead of you wondering what changed with her. Not that this will get you back together, but you probably don't want her to live her life thinking of you with pity.
7675 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I'm going through the same thing, broke up yesterday. Even though, at this point, I would love to hear from her, it would do more harm than good. I think you should only ever get back in touch when you don't have any deep feelings for her. Ignore all her calls until you're ready. 1
j_mysterio Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Dude... stick to NC. I broke it plenty of times and yeah it got my ex thinking about me and bringing up old feelings and her telling me she loves me and misses me but in the end it is/was her choice to not have you in her life. Be strong, it sucks... its unbearable at times... but do yourself a favor and stick to NC. If she truly loves you... she will find you and she will prove it to you.
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