Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I have a previous thread on here detailing my situation (The GIGS got me...). I have my ex-fiance blocked on FB, Instagram, etc., I've deleted her texts, IMs and phone number from my phone and gotten rid of all reminders of her in my house. The problem I'm having is I am CONSTANTLY running into her and the new guy. Just this weekend, I head out of town to get a haircut, and I pass by them heading into town. I come back later and they're at his parents' house right down the street from me. The following day I'm headed out and there they are again. It's like God is punishing me for something and I don't know why. I'm really trying to move on, but constantly seeing her is driving me crazy with depression. I could be fine, then I see them and I break down again. The main problem is the town they moved to is the only one close to go shopping for groceries, clothes, etc. so the threat of running into them is always there. How do I deal with this?
OK_computer Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Take those 3 times as 3 unrelated coincidental incidents. After these 3 you may acutally never see them again, or very few and far between.
Tone Loc Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 This is difficult. There isn't much you can do to prevent this completely. Is it at all possible for you to find other places to go to if you need to run errands or do shopping? I know it sounds ridiculous, I mean why should you have to go out of your way to do that...but just temporarily, perhaps it's possible to avoid places where you think you might bump into them? I'm just thinking out aloud here, just a suggestion. As the above poster said, it's 3 unrelated events, it's coincidence. If it keeps happening many more times then you'll have to do something about it. For now, let it sit and see what happens. Go about your business as usual, if you keep seeing them around then maybe you should consider altering your routine or avoiding certain places at certain times. Good luck buddy 1
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 This is difficult. There isn't much you can do to prevent this completely. Is it at all possible for you to find other places to go to if you need to run errands or do shopping? I know it sounds ridiculous, I mean why should you have to go out of your way to do that...but just temporarily, perhaps it's possible to avoid places where you think you might bump into them? I'm just thinking out aloud here, just a suggestion. As the above poster said, it's 3 unrelated events, it's coincidence. If it keeps happening many more times then you'll have to do something about it. For now, let it sit and see what happens. Go about your business as usual, if you keep seeing them around then maybe you should consider altering your routine or avoiding certain places at certain times. Good luck buddy Finding someplace else really isn't an option; the next closest decent-sized town is an hour away. I'm sure it's coincidence but it just kills me to see them together. I get that we're over and I accept that, I'm just finding it really hard to forget about her when I see her all over the place. I tried changing up times to go when I think she won't be around...nope, there she is. Probably what else is really bothering me (even though it shouldn't) is that I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 3 weeks. I know this is the point of NC; it is just really hard to go from being someone's love and best friend to someone they could care less about (that's how it feels anyway). That last part was just some venting, btw. I don't need affirmation about NC. I don't plan on breaking it at all. 1
Tone Loc Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Finding someplace else really isn't an option; the next closest decent-sized town is an hour away. I'm sure it's coincidence but it just kills me to see them together. I get that we're over and I accept that, I'm just finding it really hard to forget about her when I see her all over the place. I tried changing up times to go when I think she won't be around...nope, there she is. Probably what else is really bothering me (even though it shouldn't) is that I haven't seen or spoken to her in about 3 weeks. I know this is the point of NC; it is just really hard to go from being someone's love and best friend to someone they could care less about (that's how it feels anyway). That last part was just some venting, btw. I don't need affirmation about NC. I don't plan on breaking it at all. I feel your pain man, I know how hard it is. I'm glad you don't plan on breaking NC, you've gone through 3 weeks which is great, so definitely keep that going. I know it's hard to come to grips with the situation, it's very hard to accept that things are over. It's difficult to know that you mean nothing to that person and to see them with someone else. But you have to accept it, we all have to accept it and live with it. Now, regarding your situation, I think you should let it sit for a while and see what happens. If you keep bumping into her, then come back and update us. Obviously make sure you don't make eye contact, don't talk to her if you see her, avoid her and ignore her. Considering that going to a different town isn't an option, then it may be the case that you're just going to have to put up with this. Hopefully it won't be a regular thing, maybe you won't see them around again any time soon. It must be very hard on you but that's how it is unfortunately, break ups are never easy. Let us know what happens. 1
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 I haven't posted on this one in a while, so I thought I'd revive it with an update. Yep, still kind of run into her quite a bit, not by choice. It doesn't bother me as much as before...now I just get waves of anger that pass eventually. The worst time was when I went to a bar that she hates going to. I was there having fun with my friends, and guess who walks in with her new guy. Yep. I tried to play it cool, but they obviously saw me and I didn't want to be the guy who slinks off so I talked to her. Her new guy was nervous as hell, of course. I didn't bring up the relationship at all, just family stuff and that sort of thing. Just to piss the other guy off I gave her a big hug before I left. F**k that guy. Then yesterday a friend invited me to work out with him at the YMCA. On my way there I pass by them again. Once again, waves of anger...which actually helped fuel my workout. lol I'm obviously not over her yet, but I have NO urge to ever contact her again (that time in the bar was basically me showing her I wasn't bothered by her being there, even if I was). We are not ever getting back together by MY choice. Still, I wish they would drop off the face of the earth. That would suit me just fine.
aloneinaz Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 I haven't posted on this one in a while, so I thought I'd revive it with an update. Yep, still kind of run into her quite a bit, not by choice. It doesn't bother me as much as before...now I just get waves of anger that pass eventually. The worst time was when I went to a bar that she hates going to. I was there having fun with my friends, and guess who walks in with her new guy. Yep. I tried to play it cool, but they obviously saw me and I didn't want to be the guy who slinks off so I talked to her. Her new guy was nervous as hell, of course. I didn't bring up the relationship at all, just family stuff and that sort of thing. Just to piss the other guy off I gave her a big hug before I left. F**k that guy. Then yesterday a friend invited me to work out with him at the YMCA. On my way there I pass by them again. Once again, waves of anger...which actually helped fuel my workout. lol I'm obviously not over her yet, but I have NO urge to ever contact her again (that time in the bar was basically me showing her I wasn't bothered by her being there, even if I was). We are not ever getting back together by MY choice. Still, I wish they would drop off the face of the earth. That would suit me just fine. Good for you in how you handled the bar situation. It had to sting her a bit that you showed no emotion and indifference to seeing her and the guy. One thing you should TRY to do is when you're out and about, don't look for her or him. Just focus on getting from point A to point B. You may say you don't but I bet you do. My last ex lives a block away from me. When she ended us, I went hardcore NC. I still found myself watching for her to pass by as I was out and about doing errands. Finally, I caught myself doing it and in no time, I was oblivious to any other people around me. I also avoid bars, grocery stores or anywhere else until I got over it. You know the ironic part? I healed, moved on and met my now 2 year GF. This ex came back after 5-6 months with horrible dumpers remorse and was told no. She kept chasing me for a long time even though I ignored her. Karma got her. I kept seeing her on the road as me and my GF were together in my vehicles and saw her staring at us. I was even at a grocery store with my GF when the ex's kid came up to me to hug me and told me she missed me while the ex hid down another isle. My point is this, don't be too down on yourself or ask why you're being "punished". You're not. Its just bad circumstances at the moment. You'll be surprised how quickly it could turn around. Start dating, meet a girl who rocks your world. You never know when you ex could get dumped and then see you and your new, hotter GF all over town. 1
Author Unlucky_I_Guess Posted July 31, 2015 Author Posted July 31, 2015 Good for you in how you handled the bar situation. It had to sting her a bit that you showed no emotion and indifference to seeing her and the guy. Probably. I know it really surprised the guy when he stood there looking at me unsure what I was going to do. So what did I do? I shook his hand (even though I wanted to pummel his face) and asked how he was doing. lol One thing you should TRY to do is when you're out and about, don't look for her or him. Just focus on getting from point A to point B. You may say you don't but I bet you do. You're right, I do have a habit of doing that. Not so much because I want to see her, I just don't want to run into her unawares. My last ex lives a block away from me. When she ended us, I went hardcore NC. I still found myself watching for her to pass by as I was out and about doing errands. Finally, I caught myself doing it and in no time, I was oblivious to any other people around me. I also avoid bars, grocery stores or anywhere else until I got over it. You know the ironic part? I healed, moved on and met my now 2 year GF. This ex came back after 5-6 months with horrible dumpers remorse and was told no. She kept chasing me for a long time even though I ignored her. Karma got her. I kept seeing her on the road as me and my GF were together in my vehicles and saw her staring at us. I was even at a grocery store with my GF when the ex's kid came up to me to hug me and told me she missed me while the ex hid down another isle. That sucks...for you and the kid. It's sad when innocent kids are involved. My point is this, don't be too down on yourself or ask why you're being "punished". You're not. Its just bad circumstances at the moment. You'll be surprised how quickly it could turn around. Start dating, meet a girl who rocks your world. You never know when you ex could get dumped and then see you and your new, hotter GF all over town. Yeah, I'm in no urge to date yet, but I'm getting there. I'm looking around and if the opportunity presents itself I'm ready. I don't think I'm ready to active pursue anybody yet though. I have too much learning about myself to do.
Seeker12 Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Hey mate, honestly in the same position, ex lives under 10 mins away from me and works around 2 mins away from my house. How i dealt with it? Well from the off i changed my timetable, woke up later and went to college later, similarly i came back from college a lot later too, avoided going near her sides and just anywhere which she possibly would show up. However, i dont duck and dive anymore, my lifestyle has changed, not only that even after doing the above i have bumped/seen my ex a few times, most recently being last week. Hey its one of those things, i kind of realised that its something il have to get used to and get over. 1
xpaperxcutx Posted July 31, 2015 Posted July 31, 2015 Hi OP, I think what you are doing is great. I think when you busy yourself to the point where you are just trying to get to your next appointment or whatever, it really does take your mind off things. It also helps you to move forward. I'm happy to see that you are also able to control your anger; that you're willing to accept it but not act on it in a negative way. At the rate that you are going, you are going to be okay. 1
Recommended Posts