Kkristine Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 The issue here is really one-sided. I don't feel any chemistry with him anymore. I have no desire to kiss him or have sex. Maybe once a month I have the urge to have sex with him. He, on the other hand, is very affectionate. We don't fight very often, but the fights we do have center around me never wanting to have sex. In the beginning of our relationship, I was very attracted to him. I lost my virginity to him. Because this is my first relationship, I don't know if what I'm feeling is normal in a 3 year relationship, or if I'm just not into him anymore. The changes started to happen when we moved in together a little over a year ago. Other than the physical/sexual attraction, he makes me very happy. I don't need to be "on" around him. My perfect day is spending the day with him. I have to admit that I've always been very shy when it comes to intimacy. I didn't date until I was 20. Three years into my relationship, I'm still very shy to be naked around my boyfriend. In fact, I've never had sex with him fully naked. Growing up, my parents didn't sleep in the same bed and were never affectionate with each other. I still think, regardless of being shy and inexperienced, I should have the "urge" to have sex with my boyfriend. Is this what serious relationships are about or is he just a best friend?
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Yes, you should still have the "urge". But men and women are wired differently. Women need wining and dining, romantic settings, whispering sweet nothings, candles and romantic music to get them in the mood. Men just require a pulse. I'm going to take a guess here and say that since moving in together, he is not doing anything to get you "in the mood"? He is simply expecting that taking your clothes off means you should both be ready for action? He thinks he can play Call Of Duty all night and when you go to bed you'll be up for it? He thinks that now you live together, he has a right to hot and cold running sex without any effort on his part. If my guess is correct, then you probably need to talk to him and explain the birds and the bees v2.0. You want to want him, but he is not making the effort to turn you on any more.
Elam Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Yes, you should still have the "urge". But men and women are wired differently. Women need wining and dining, romantic settings, whispering sweet nothings, candles and romantic music to get them in the mood. Men just require a pulse. I'm going to take a guess here and say that since moving in together, he is not doing anything to get you "in the mood"? He is simply expecting that taking your clothes off means you should both be ready for action? He thinks he can play Call Of Duty all night and when you go to bed you'll be up for it? He thinks that now you live together, he has a right to hot and cold running sex without any effort on his part. If my guess is correct, then you probably need to talk to him and explain the birds and the bees v2.0. You want to want him, but he is not making the effort to turn you on any more. nah. That's a leftover from the patriarchy. Women needed to be wined and dined and whispered sweet things to like you were the Bard and she was the personification of the Moon and of the sun because women's reputation would be severely damaged if they'd just have sex with any guy they were sexually attracted to. Their chances to one day have a family and children would be demolished if men figured out that women are just as sexual and as visually-oriented/physically oriented as men are, if not more. I know guys who don't even remember their girlfriends names and they still have sex whenever they want. They don't even have to initate it. The OP is in love with her boyfriend. She sees him as a great man. He's most likely is an amazing human beings. Nevertheless, relationships need sexual intimacy to work and for that to happen the woman(or the man) must be sexually attracted to the partner they have. My suggestion is to visit the doctor and to get checked for hormonal issues. If everything is alright with you, the answer is there. You are no longer sexually attracted to your boyfriend. You are only 20. You have plenty of time to find yourself the guy you want. Don't be in a relationship if you aren't getting what you want from it. With some exceptions attraction to a long-term partner decrease and eventually fade. There's nothing wrong with you, OP. You've been with the guy for 3 years. Relationships sometimes work, sometimes don't. Move on.
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