BlackBantie Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I've been very good friends with a guy for almost 2 years now. It wasn't until 6 months ago when I developed romantic feelings for him. However... He never wants to hang out with me or anyone outside of school. He even told me recently that he doesn't like hanging out with his buddies very much because they are a distraction. All he thinks about is school, school, school. He substitutes any sort of social life with academics. That's all he ever talks about. Don't get me wrong, I, too, am very smart and school ranks #1 on my list of priorities. But he never does anything else besides homework. He wakes up, goes to school, returns home, eats, does homework, and sleeps. He lives on a ranch and his dad is rarely around, so I assume he has other things to do as well. But it hurts that he doesn't even want to spend 20 minutes with me outside of school. I've talked to him about it and he just says that he is very busy. I also get the vibe that he's scared to be around girls...(he's never had a girlfriend) He took me out to eat once last year. I feel bad for taking that situation for granted. But after I told him that I liked him, he's backed away yet we've become much closer. By the way, we're not dating since he claims he's too busy. On the flip side, we hang out quite a few times at school and we talk to each other on the phone more than often. When we're together at school, we're normally just doing our homework, talking, and eating. I guess he's fine with this but I'd like to do more with him. It seems that school is his comfort zone so in order to interact with him, I have to be with him in that zone. Am I asking for too much from him? There aren't any other guys that I'm romantically interested in, but should I wait for him? Thanks~
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 My Ex is the same way. Homework, school. That's it. As long as school is her priority, I never will be.
Skullcrusher Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 He's not that interested in you or he doesn't know females. You could dump him and wait for other men.
nzchick Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I dont think he's into you.. when a guy really likes you, they go gaga and always wants to be with you.. this one seems like he's trying to show you that he just wants to be friends.. :/
ConfusedInOC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 Originally posted by nzchick I dont think he's into you.. when a guy really likes you, they go gaga and always wants to be with you.. this one seems like he's trying to show you that he just wants to be friends.. :/ Trust me, a man being gaga about his girfriend is not always the best thing. I guess I went a little too gaga...
HoldOn Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 is this high school, college or other? How old are you. Here is the short answer: he's just not that into you! Listen, I am in law school, I would venture to say I study more than anyone. 8am to 11pm every day. BUT, I see my bf three weekends a month and talk to him twice a week. School is just an excuse. I make time for my bf because I love him.
Author BlackBantie Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 We're both sophomores in college. He's 20, I'm 19. He's a perfectionist and wants to transfer to Harvard (I doubt it will happen) and since he comes from a beyond wealthy family (multi-millionaires), he claims that he won't feel secure unless he's making 200K a year. He gets pissed off at his friends that live too much for the moment and believes that the time for fun will be after you're making the money. Thus he doesn't have any real friends. It's pretty pathetic: his guy friends talk about him and how weird/geeky he is and then this guy talks bad about his "friends" and how irresponsible they are. He's a loner, too. Since all he talks about is school, careers, finances, money, investments, etc., he bores almost everyone after a minute. His daily routine consists of waking up, going to school, going back home, eating, studying, and then sleeping. I guess the reason why I get along with him so well is because I'm a loner nerd, too. I'm not sure if he believed me when I first told him that I liked him. Recently with an amused/surprised tone, he said that he thinks that I like him and that's okay, he said, because he doesn't mind.
lost_in_chgo Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Here is the short answer: he's just not that into you! Holdon, this mantra of your is not the answer to everything. His daily routine consists of waking up, going to school, going back home, eating, studying, and then sleeping. It sounds like someone set a policy or fear into him that he needed to accomplish something before he got distracted by women. Or perhaps he's afraid that if he has to spend money on a relationship, he won't meet his financial goals. Something else is going on here. You should be concerned about that as he will likely continue to prioritize his relationships lower than his career later in life.
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Originally posted by lost_in_chgo Here is the short answer: he's just not that into you! Holdon, this mantra of your is not the answer to everything. Actually, it is. that's because it is true. All these girls ask the same question. "How can I force this guy to like me?" The truth is that you can't. These are all just excuses. "He's too busy with work." "He's too shy." "He's too concerned about school." "His mother doesn't like me." Blah blah. If a guy likes you he will do SOMETHING to show it. These girls are wasting their hearts on guys who don't do diddley to show them they care at all.
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Ug, and her question is "Should I put my life on hold for a guy who doesn't show much interest in me?" Obviously, the answer is no! She is right in front of his face, they hang out all the time, and he hasn't made ANY romantic moves. So, how much longer do you want her to wait for school-guy?
lost_in_chgo Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 These girls are wasting their hearts on guys who don't do diddley to show them they care at all. Ahh but look at the start of her message. I've been very good friends with a guy for almost 2 years now. It wasn't until 6 months ago when I developed romantic feelings for him. However... So, she just "wasn't into him" for 18 months and wham.... Now he's been telling himself that "she just wasn't into him" for 18 months. Probably posting on love shack the whole time about how to deal with it. A bunch of movealong advisors telling him to forget about it, "she's just not into you" So he forgets and now she's here and movealongs tell her the same thing.
HoldOn Posted April 26, 2005 Posted April 26, 2005 Wow, I think this relationship is moving way too fast. At this rate maybe they'll have their first kiss in a year or two! Now he's been telling himself that "she just wasn't into him" for 18 months. Probably posting on love shack the whole time about how to deal with it. A bunch of movealong advisors telling him to forget about it, "she's just not into you" So he forgets and now she's here and movealongs tell her the same thing. Maybe he could have asked her out? and dated her? Nah, he's too busy with school. I guess she should just put her life on hold and wait for him to come around.
Author BlackBantie Posted April 26, 2005 Author Posted April 26, 2005 Yeah, honestly I used to gag and wither away mentally in disgust at any idea that I would ever be attracted to him. I did feel nauseous and I'm not exaggerating. Perhaps that's rude, but that's how I felt for the longest time. I don't know why I started to see him in a different light. Aside from that one time, the only time I spend with him away from school is chatting on the computer and talking on the phone. He's weird with the phone. He'll call me to tell me that he's going to call me later, but then he starts talking about random things. Sometimes he will call to ask or notify me of something for a second and then chatter on for about an hour on more random things. Quite weird, but I don't want to prod too much. Money is another weird aspect of him. Once I offered him my umbrella when it was pouring outside and instead of a only a thank you, he opened his wallet, and tried to give me some money for "being so nice to him" as he put it. Another time he got very pissed when I bought lunch for him so he shoved a $5 bill in my hands and stomped away. He lost his wallet for a few days of the week so again I decided to be nice and buy him a simple lunch. Later he gave me a $100 bill and told me to cash it and keep some of the money. His social skills aren't up to par but then again, I'm a diagnosed schizoid so I shouldn't talk.
Zakuro Posted April 27, 2005 Posted April 27, 2005 I have a similar prob, he says he's been really busy and stressed out and he hasnt had time to do anything recently and he said he'd be less busy next semester so we could talk more n stuff. The bigger prob is that after finishing highschool he's going to move to another country and i cant go till i finish which will be 2 years after him, so he's been really confusing me cuz he said he didnt wanna get in a relationship with me cuz he wouldnt wanna leave me even more than he does now but he has to go, then he said we should try things and see where they go and after a while i asked him what hed meant with that and he said he meant we should be friends till he's got some load off and then itd be nice to be my boyfriend (which i never asked him if he wanted to be) so later i told him i really wanted to be with him but if he didnt wanna be with me to tell me and he was like ok, ill tell you (cuz he thought i meant later) and i told him that like at that moment and he was all like "now??" and said he still didnt know well so i told him i didn wanna wait for him forever and he said he knew and we just talked all normal about other stuff and i havent spoken with him since (yesterday). Sooooooooo I dunno if i should just let it go and try to move on, wait a while and see what happens, or what.. more stuff happened but this is the waaaaay shorter version, well anyways, please help i really need advice!
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