Meli22 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 (edited) Hey everyone! After a conversation with friends last night about relationships, break ups etc, we got onto talking about not feeling good enough for some people. This has been something that I have struggled with throughout my break up (2 months ago). It was me who ended it because he was hurting me so much but I think he would've ended it soon anyway. He tried to get back, to which I agreed another shot, but then he went even colder towards me again. The last 4 months of my relationship were terrible for me. My (now) ex stopped showing me affection. For anyone who has had their partners stop affection you'll understand how soul destroying it can be. He stopped wanting to go places with me, looked constantly disinterested in my conversations etc. he was pulling away because he felt he had lost passion for me. When I say it came from nowhere, I mean there had been nothing that kick started this; no disagreement, incompatibility, nothing major at all. He told me he didn't think the sun shone out my a** anymore, but he didn't know why. I don't know why his feelings changed and he didn't know why either. I don't know if it was a combination of boredom and the anxiety/depression he suffered. 6 months into our relationship I even overheard him tell his friend who also had depression, saying he felt less attracted to me (this was during a depression slump so I tried to ignore it, he also explained that he was just feeling numb and didn't mean what he said). I hadn't changed physically since the day we met and still made an effort for him so obviously I felt hurt by this. When he wasn't in his slumps he was very affectionate and I did feel special, he always told me I was beautiful etc. If anyone has read my other posts you'll know that there were issues with his insecurities and always thinking I wanted other guys(not that it's relevant but it's helping me realize we may not have worked in the long run). Anyway, I'm doing surprisingly ok in terms of healing but I often find myself drifting back to the mindset of wondering why his feelings changed, and then feeling like I wasn't good enough. He literally went cold turkey on me overnight, obviously this had probably been built up and not just waking up one day feeling different. But I can't help but wonder why. And because of this, my esteem has taken a hit. Anyone else experiencing this or been through it before? Edited May 26, 2015 by Meli22
StalwartMind Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Depression, self-esteem issues and struggling in general with even simple things can wreck most people, even into doing things they don't want to. This is perhaps not the case for everyone but some take things much harder than others, even if they do know better. You can spend forever trying to figure out "why" person x did/didn't do y and even when your conclusion seems the most sound it may be the furthest away from reality. It can be incredibly difficult to accept, especially when you are emotionally attached to someone else. This may not work for everyone but the better you get at accepting that sometimes even the most illogical things happen, it's just a part of how humans can be. Sometimes circumstances are just not in favor of two people being together even if they otherwise are doing great with no real issues. It's the surprise when you find out someone suddenly, almost like a switch, flips their view into a total different direction that catches you off guard. I'm not sure there is any way to ever really prevent that, at least if you want to live your life to the fullest. 1
elaine567 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 He is the one with a depressive illness, he is the one feeling numb, he is the one that chose to go cold on you, he is the one that stonewalled you, he is the one who was insecure and jealous, and YOU think YOU are the one that is not good enough, YOU are the one with the problem. YOU WERE the one with a huge problem, namely HIM. Just be very glad that you split up and you don't need to put up with all that any more. 1
Author Meli22 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Thank you both. Elaine, you are right and most of the time I do feel relieved. Relieved that I don't have to walk on eggshells anymore, I can wear what I want, and not be accused of ridiculous things. I think the whole idea of not feeling good enough boils down to rejection. I sacrificed a lot for my ex and changed to accommodate his needs (a lesson I've learnt that I won't be doing in the future again). And still it's like... All that wasn't enough? How come it was YOUR feelings that changed and not MINE? Like I said, because no major issue caused his shift of feelings and it was something even he couldn't pin point, along with some of the things he said to me, this feeling of not being "enough" sometimes floats around.
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