This is why I don't approach ladies

May 26, 2015

I approached a lady today. Tried to make small talk. After 30 seconds she said I was making her uncomfortable. I didn't say anything controversial or try to touch her or get too close to her. I got scared and turned and got out of there. This is why I never approach ladies. I am 37 and it was in a store. I'm average or slightly below average looking big am not the bottom.

May 26, 2015

I approached a lady today. Tried to make small talk. After 30 seconds she said I was making her uncomfortable. I didn't say anything controversial or try to touch her or get too close to her. I got scared and turned and got out of there. This is why I never approach ladies. I am 37 and it was in a store. I'm average or slightly below average looking big am not the bottom.

If you made her uncomfortable, you're doing it wrong.

That said, generally speaking cold approaches end in failure. It's very difficult to "pickup" a stranger.

Generally, it's easier trying to make eye contact with a woman first. See if she looks your way, notices you're watching her. Smile. If she's keen, she'll signal that she'd like to be approached.

Wondering up and trying to force small talk on a woman who has zero interest in you isn't going to end well.

May 26, 2015

Approaching ladies in places/situations where it is not expected and/or they're busy is not like the movies and TV commercials...unfortunately.

Did you also consider that she wasn't attracted to you? You may be the best lookin' guy in the world, but maybe not to her.

What did you say to her, BTW?

May 26, 2015

Im sorry to hear this. Cold approaches like this are always a crapshoot. There is a grocery near me that I have had this happen a few times. The last time I made an effort to not do as the girl did and let the fellow have a say.

Cold approaches are hard on both of us. From a woman's perspective, we don't know if you are a nutter, or someone who has nefarious intentions.

May 26, 2015

If you made her uncomfortable, you're doing it wrong.

That said, generally speaking cold approaches end in failure. It's very difficult to "pickup" a stranger.

Generally, it's easier trying to make eye contact with a woman first. See if she looks your way, notices you're watching her. Smile. If she's keen, she'll signal that she'd like to be approached.

Wondering up and trying to force small talk on a woman who has zero interest in you isn't going to end well.

It was in a big box store. Damn I get so nervous. I don't even know where it is all right to approach and don't do much at all.

May 26, 2015

Approaching ladies in places/situations where it is not expected and/or they're busy is not like the movies and TV commercials...unfortunately.

Did you also consider that she wasn't attracted to you? You may be the best lookin' guy in the world, but maybe not to her.

What did you say to her, BTW?

I'm not the best looking guy. I just wish she said she wasn't interested it didn't like me, rather than I make her uncomfortable. That hurts a lot more.

May 26, 2015

Im sorry to hear this. Cold approaches like this are always a crapshoot. There is a grocery near me that I have had this happen a few times. The last time I made an effort to not do as the girl did and let the fellow have a say.

Cold approaches are hard on both of us. From a woman's perspective, we don't know if you are a nutter, or someone who has nefarious intentions.

I just won't do them anymore. Online dating isn't working either.

May 26, 2015

I'm not the best looking guy. I just wish she said she wasn't interested it didn't like me, rather than I make her uncomfortable. That hurts a lot more.

Well, try not to take it personal...

I mean literally, the word "uncomfortable" would be appropriate...I mean, it describes someone not being cool with such a cold approach.

I mean, in the General Discussions portion here on LS, there was a thread about an attractive chick doing an "experiment" in asking random guys on the street to have sex with her.

And, come on, all guys want sex, right? Many guys go to bars, clubs, online just to pick up women for sex, right?

Well, if you watch the video, many men turned her down and it didn't have to do with her being attractive...it was an awkward situation to say the least.

May 26, 2015

I just won't do them anymore. Online dating isn't working either.

Have you tried hobbies, meet-ups, volunteering, and/or church?

I mean, in those settings you are with others who may share a common like and/or goal as you (i.e. hiking), so then you already have an ice breaker.

Most RLs start out as friendships and/or people we meet through doing certain things and/or being around them (i.e. school, work) so hobbies, volunteering and/or church will put you in the position to work on your approach with women and/or develop a rapport before deciding to actually ask out a chick and/or step it up to a romantic level.

May 26, 2015

I guess the problem approaching someone you don't know is that you don't know their situation either. She might be involved with someone or feel uncomfortable talking to strangers, you just don't know.

Very few women are out in public with the intention of meeting men. The few that will be receptive to talking will give non verbal cues such as prolonged eye contact and smiling.

I'm sorry you had such a bad experience.

May 26, 2015

Well, try not to take it personal...

I mean literally, the word "uncomfortable" would be appropriate...I mean, it describes someone not being cool with such a cold approach.

I mean, in the General Discussions portion here on LS, there was a thread about an attractive chick doing an "experiment" in asking random guys on the street to have sex with her.

And, come on, all guys want sex, right? Many guys go to bars, clubs, online just to pick up women for sex, right?

Well, if you watch the video, many men turned her down and it didn't have to do with her being attractive...it was an awkward situation to say the least.

Uncomfortable is a scary thing to be called. It's what I would expect a pedophile or stalker to be called. As for all guys wanting sex immediately that's just a myth.

May 26, 2015

It was in a big box store. Damn I get so nervous. I don't even know where it is all right to approach and don't do much at all.

Supposedly it's alright in bars. Supposedly. I personally don't like bars, so could see why other shy men would not as well.

It is possible this woman was just being paranoid, wouldn't be the first time, and that you needn't worry what she thinks. Could always try a few more times, get a larger sample size, and maybe others will be more receptive, and you just picked a rotten apple here?

May 26, 2015

Have you tried hobbies, meet-ups, volunteering, and/or church?

I mean, in those settings you are with others who may share a common like and/or goal as you (i.e. hiking), so then you already have an ice breaker.

Most RLs start out as friendships and/or people we meet through doing certain things and/or being around them (i.e. school, work) so hobbies, volunteering and/or church will put you in the position to work on your approach with women and/or develop a rapport before deciding to actually ask out a chick and/or step it up to a romantic level.

Women have said to me that friends first kills any attraction. Why would that be? I don't go to church. I had a bad experience at work too so I don't try there. I do online mostly.

May 26, 2015

Uncomfortable is a scary thing to be called. It's what I would expect a pedophile or stalker to be called.

Were you following her around for a few aisles trying to build up the nerve to talk to her?

If you just happen to be in the same area as someone and make a funny comment and chat with them for a bit is so much more genuine than you making an extreme effort to approach them...that just does not work in a store even if you are really good looking.

Edited May 26, 2015 by madjac74

May 26, 2015

I'm not the best looking guy. I just wish she said she wasn't interested it didn't like me, rather than I make her uncomfortable. That hurts a lot more.

oh gosh, so sorry. I actually don't mind it when guys approach me and try to handle it with grace if not interested or available. Be honest with yourself to see if anything you did was uncomfortable-making, if not just chalk it up to her being rude and uptight. Listen it's flattering when guys approach and harmless for most part, especially in a store. Do what someone suggested try to wait until you lock eyes and see some mutual interest before you approach, that will help. Hope your day gets better.

May 26, 2015

Post a video of yourself approaching a woman (you can pretend in the mirror) so we can judge your technique. Only half kidding.

But really, I feel women are more on guard in places like that. At least I am. It would make me uncomfortable even if the guy was really attractive.

May 26, 2015

Damn I get so nervous.

There it is. Your discomfort is contagious. No doubt women sense this, and don't know exactly what to make of it, therefore, they get uncomfortable.

I would suggest that you go across town, and practice. Just start with a few hellos, and let it go at that. Once you get some comfort there, say hello and also make a comment. Don't push your progress and try to launch into a conversation and pickup. This will take some time, so take the time. Let the comfort come to you.

May 26, 2015

Hey man, I think since your finding it hard to approach ladies you have to come to a place within yourself to understand not everyone is Mrs.right or Mrs.Possible even. Even the best players in the game get shot down and that all come's down to attitude. Women have similarities but not all of them are the same.

Here's what you do, and it might be difficult in the beginning but get use to rejection by approaching a lot of women until you feel comfortable. During this process you will get some yes' for phone numbers but really phone numbers don't mean jack because they may or may not answer - that wasn't said to discourage you.

By doing this, your doing two things. You are talking to a larger amount of women then you usually do, being friendly and opening a line-of-communication into the dating world. It should be fun. A rejection of you Isn't because of who you are, but because of who the other person is man.

The second thing it does is it helps you develop an understanding a feel that's more on instinct. Rejection shouldn't make you unconfident, what it's doing is weeding out people who aren't right for you. If someone says no, dont take it personally because it REALLY is there loss if you cared enough about a person to see them for more than what they really are. Hope this helps

May 26, 2015

Can you type out the situation and what you said in the conversation/approach?

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This is why I don't approach ladies

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