johndoe2 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Hello, I have a coffee date scheduled tomorrow with a woman I met online. I decided to make it for the afternoon so we had as much time as we wanted. I am kind of uneasy as one of the last dates I went on (also from online) was also a coffee date, actually at the exact same cafe, that I thought went well, but apparently did not. Is there any thing I should know, what I need to do and not do? Some things I'm uncertain about: upon meeting her, should I hug her? A few dates of mine have started with hugs, but usually because the girl initiated it. I habitually don't go for the hug because it seems kind of intimate and am not sure if it'd be weird to assume that's appropriate (I know some people hug upon first meeting others, but for me hugging was not customary even in my immediate family). Secondly, should I just let things go on as long as she wants to? I have no other plans, but am not sure if she would expect me to say when the date's over, or if it's bad to let the date linger? I figured if things seem to be going well I'd ask if she wants to go for a walk (there's a nice walking path nearby). Or if things are going well enough (and long enough) would it be apropos to ask if she wants to go out to dinner same night? Or should I not do that? Lastly, should I try to set up a second date (like, schedule a specific day) at the end of the first date? Or wait until afterward and text her to see if she wants to set one up? And how long do I wait until after the date to text her? I usually wait maybe a couple hours. Some people seem to say right after (I don't like to text someone though when I know they're driving though, better to wait till they at least get home). Others say wait till the next day. I need a reasonable rule of thumb. Thanks.
avintagegirl Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Hello, I have a coffee date scheduled tomorrow with a woman I met online. I decided to make it for the afternoon so we had as much time as we wanted. I am kind of uneasy as one of the last dates I went on (also from online) was also a coffee date, actually at the exact same cafe, that I thought went well, but apparently did not. Is there any thing I should know, what I need to do and not do? Just be clean and presentable, i.e. nails trimmed, good breath, clean shoes. Also, be yourself. She will be as nervous as you so just relax. What ever happened before is in the past. Then is never now. Some things I'm uncertain about: upon meeting her, should I hug her? A few dates of mine have started with hugs, but usually because the girl initiated it. I habitually don't go for the hug because it seems kind of intimate and am not sure if it'd be weird to assume that's appropriate (I know some people hug upon first meeting others, but for me hugging was not customary even in my immediate family). Hugging in my experience has been hit or miss. Some men I've met are huggers, some are not. Personally I like hugs. If you aren't comfortable though, don't do it. No hug is better than an awkward hug. Secondly, should I just let things go on as long as she wants to? I have no other plans, but am not sure if she would expect me to say when the date's over, or if it's bad to let the date linger? I figured if things seem to be going well I'd ask if she wants to go for a walk (there's a nice walking path nearby). Or if things are going well enough (and long enough) would it be apropos to ask if she wants to go out to dinner same night? Or should I not do that? If things are going well, yes, suggest a walk. At the end of the walk, if you want to suggest dinner then know where you are going and say "I'd planned on going to (fill in the blank) for a bite, if you are hungry you should join me. Give her the option of a refusal. If she does, say that maybe you could have dinner another time. Lastly, should I try to set up a second date (like, schedule a specific day) at the end of the first date? Or wait until afterward and text her to see if she wants to set one up? And how long do I wait until after the date to text her? I usually wait maybe a couple hours. Some people seem to say right after (I don't like to text someone though when I know they're driving though, better to wait till they at least get home). Others say wait till the next day. I need a reasonable rule of thumb. I would wait to schedule a specific time. You can always say what a nice time you had and that you would like to see her again. I would call or text the next day and when you do have something specific in mind. Say something like "I really enjoyed spending the day with you and I would like to do it again. There is a (fill in the blank) going on and I would like to take you. If (fill in the blank) isn't your thing, let's plan something else. Just my two cents. 1
Gloria25 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Hugs, I recommend paying attention to her. If she leans in for it, then go for it. Now, even if she doesn't and probably is waiting to see if you do, you can lean in for a hug w/o being creepy and/or tooooo "intimate". Some guys on the radio were talking about how they use hugs to gauge a woman's interest. So, hugs can happen, IMO it's "how" it happens that you gotta pay attention to. So don't do like a full body embrace/bear hug on a first date. Now me, coming from Hispanic culture, I would be ok with him shaking my hand and leaning in for a kiss on the cheek While this gesture is common in people who are not dating, I don't like it being done to me unless I'm interested in and/or dating dude. How long? I say keep the date light and easy. I mean even "if" you have no other plans and I don't believe in game playing - you don't wanna be too "available" when you are first seeing/meeting someone. I'm cool with a nice walk if things seem to be going well - but dinner, IMO, is a bit much for a first meet. Again, you don't wanna be too available - you gotta build up some mystery and stuff to look forward to. Slow and steady wins the race and keeps her attraction. Too much, too soon fizzles quickly. 2nd date? Well, upon conclusion you could say something like "I had a great time and would like to see you again" and give her a min or two to gauge her response. If she's ok, then say like ok, I'll call you to set up dinner for next week? And then follow through and call her. If she says "ok" right then and there, then you're good. If not, call like the next day. Good luck and hope it works out for you!!!
writergal Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Hello, I have a coffee date scheduled tomorrow with a woman I met online. I decided to make it for the afternoon so we had as much time as we wanted. I am kind of uneasy as one of the last dates I went on (also from online) was also a coffee date, actually at the exact same cafe, that I thought went well, but apparently did not. Is there any thing I should know, what I need to do and not do? Some things I'm uncertain about: upon meeting her, should I hug her? A few dates of mine have started with hugs, but usually because the girl initiated it. I habitually don't go for the hug because it seems kind of intimate and am not sure if it'd be weird to assume that's appropriate (I know some people hug upon first meeting others, but for me hugging was not customary even in my immediate family). Secondly, should I just let things go on as long as she wants to? I have no other plans, but am not sure if she would expect me to say when the date's over, or if it's bad to let the date linger? I figured if things seem to be going well I'd ask if she wants to go for a walk (there's a nice walking path nearby). Or if things are going well enough (and long enough) would it be apropos to ask if she wants to go out to dinner same night? Or should I not do that? Lastly, should I try to set up a second date (like, schedule a specific day) at the end of the first date? Or wait until afterward and text her to see if she wants to set one up? And how long do I wait until after the date to text her? I usually wait maybe a couple hours. Some people seem to say right after (I don't like to text someone though when I know they're driving though, better to wait till they at least get home). Others say wait till the next day. I need a reasonable rule of thumb. Thanks. Congrats on your coffee date. First, hug her if you want to. Usually, a hug is a nice ice-breaker for first dates even if neither person is attracted to the other. It's a way to show her that you're friendly too and warm her up to you. A hug is a great way to start a first date, regardless of the outcome. It will leave a nice impression on her about who you are, because a person who hugs is a person who thinks about others' feelings, etc. Second, if the chemistry is there and the date's going well then you can suggest a second venue. But end the date at a reasonable time and then that leads me to my third point. Third, definitely schedule a second date with her at the end of the first date if you LIKE her enough to want to see her again. Don't schedule a second date out of politeness, especially if you don't feel any chemistry. Just thank her for the date and leave it at that. You don't owe her a second date if you don't want to see her again. Good luck and have fun! 2
jen1447 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 ^ All good points. My main suggestion is just don't overthink it and have fun.
PegNosePete Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I always went for hug and the cheek kiss. Never got slapped, not even once. How long, no I would not wait for her to end it. That means it will basically go on until she gets bored. Boredom is not a good emotion to end a date on. If you want to extend to a walk or meal then sure go for it! But don't just sit around waiting for her to say she has to go feed her puppy or water her peace lily... Next date, personally I would wait. Often people agree to things without properly processing events. Better to give her time to think, than agree to a 2nd date only to stand you up or cancel later. At the end of the date, say you'd like to see her again, and will contact her soon. And then do it. Not following through on your words is a major turn off. 1
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