ptopes Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 My boyfriend and I dated for a little over a year. We fought over petty things, and his anxiety kicked in. He started getting anxiety attacks with every fight. We had one slightly larger than average fight and he dumped me saying he had no feelings for me and only saw me as a friend. It's a little hard to believe that because he never gave me any warning, and he's a social outcast and he's highly emotionally unbalanced. He's 23 and never had a girlfriend for more than 4 weeks. I stuck around for 13 months. Anyway. He hung out with a mutual friend, and out of the blue he asked about me and how I was doing. I told him I didn't ever want to see his face again, but he is still assuming I will contact him and said "I don't know what I'm gonna say when she contacts me!" He's going out with friends and showing no signs of sorrow. If he's over me romantically, why would he go around asking about how I'm doing? I guess I should mention that right before the breakup, we took a break for about 5 days so we can get our minds together. We had a big fight that his parents were involved with since they overheard. Over those 5 days, he never said he loved me when I told him I loved him. But he seemed slightly optimistic we could work out. But he came down 5 days after we decided for a break and told me he doesn't see me romantically anymore. When we broke up, I asked him if we could meet up in 2 months and see how we feel. He agreed, but then later that night went to his friend and told her space wont change anything. When he met up with a mutual friend and asked about me a week or so, he said that even though he knows I told him I dont want to see him ever again, that he doesn't know what he will say when I contact him in two months. I dont know if he's holding onto those two months, but I don't plan on ever contacting him. One mutual friend asked my ex's closest friend how he is doing, and he said he is doing "great" and that he thinks I'm pathetic for thinking we ever have a chance. My ex is running off and currently sleeping with an old booty call that is ENGAGED, and my ex drinks more now than when he did when I was with him. I hear stories all the time of how drunk he gets, and he seems to be wanting so much attention from his friends over the smallest situations. It's hard to believe he already moved on so quickly, and all of this just seems desperate to bury me, which leads me to believe he still thinks about me and cares about me, but he has just convinced himself he doesn't. It's been 2 months since we broke up, and he still doesn't show any sign of missing me or anything. I'm not sure if he still thinks I'm going to eventually contact him, but a part of me is taking his habit of drinking every other day and sleeping with an engaged girl as a sign he is subconsciously trying to bury me. I don't know if 2 months is too soon for someone as stubborn as him to realize he misses me.
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I'm pretty sure, based on what you describe, that he will never come back to you. Let it go. By the way. I never went back, in 10 serious girlfriends, after the breakup, never, not once. Let it go. 1
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 yes, they come back. the real question is, why would you want to take THAT back? sounds like a real prize. 1
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 yes, they come back. the real question is, why would you want to take THAT back? sounds like a real prize. This is an excellent question. The boyfriends that come back are weak, and are unsure of themselves. Who breaks up with someone that they care about? You don't want that in your life. Be glad he left you. 1
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 i disagree that boyfriends who come back are weak. there are lots of reasons people break up, and just as many to get back together. based on OP's description of this guy, she isn't missing out on anything good. what a winner; sleeping with someone engaged. classy. OP, i know you're sad, but i think you just dodged a bullet. hang in there. 1
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 i disagree that boyfriends who come back are weak.Interesting... I disagree with you. A breakup is a breach of trust. It is a declaration that someone is better off without you than with you. It is a sign that they are either emotionally manipulative, unstable, or simply very willing to quit on you (i.e. uncommitted). What more can be said? "I think we need to see other people" on Tuesday, followed up by "I love you and miss you" two days, two weeks, two months or two years later is weak. It smacks of selfishness and stupidity and to me, is a sign of being completely unreliable. At a minimum, you should be able to rely on the concept that someone doesn't want you anymore. If you can't even rely on that, what else can a person say that you can believe? That they'll stay with you? HAH! Maybe that's just me, but I've done just fine with my philosophy. 2
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 mighty, nobody is asking you to part with your philosophy. i find sweeping generalizations erroneous in that they do not apply to every situation.
Author ptopes Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Thanks. I know its rough, I've been through a break up before. I just have a hard time believing that he will never come back since he has yet to say "I'll never go back." It's always been "If I do go back to her, it won't be for awhile." And I feel like getting drunk frequently and sleeping with an engaged woman isn't a sign of "not having feelings" and being "relieved" about the breakup as he claims. He's been known to be emotionally unstable and whatnot.
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 i agree that his behavior screams unstable emotional train wreck. yet another reason why it would be better if he didn't come back. they usually do.
Author ptopes Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 It's just so hard because he was the first guy that I have ever loved. I'm at a stage right now where I feel like everything was my fault because he seems to feel nothing two months later. He seems to be doing great, and it just makes me feel like the fact that he doesnt miss me at all shows that it was my fault.
mightycpa Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 mighty, nobody is asking you to part with your philosophy. i find sweeping generalizations erroneous in that they do not apply to every situation. Yeah, but it's so rare that you'll find one that is so universally true. I guess now would be a bad time to opine that there's no such thing as karma? A discussion for another day. Cheers! 1
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 you don't know what he is feeling. this is NOT all your fault; it seldom is the fault of only one. i went silent on mine (7 year relationship) two weeks ago. not a word in either direction. doesn't mean he doesn't care. doesn't mean i don't. this is probably impossible for you right now, but you need to try and focus on yourself; making yourself happy, pampering, spending time with friends, and posting here. i'm with you. i know this sucks. 1
Author ptopes Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 I guess the only reason I feel that way is because it's been 2 months, and he shows no signs of ever even remotely missing me. And it hurts because this girl he is sleeping with who is engaged is someone who he had slept with before he met me. This guy has never had a girlfriend for over 2 weeks, and I stuck around for 13 months. I just feel like a horrible girlfriend since he's out having a blast. Makes it seem like I'm the only one that still remotely cares.
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 this guy sounds like he has borderline personality disorder. you don't know what he is feeling, so stop trying to get in to his empty head. why do you expect an unstable boy to behave normally? you don't know your own value, which is why you're fixated on whether he misses you or not.
Author ptopes Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Thank you. I guess I was just having a really bad day today. I was getting some pretty serious anxiety over the fact that I thought everything had fallen apart because of me since he isn't hurting at all. I cared more about him than most other people in his life. At certain points, I did more for him than his parents did for him. He still lives with his parents, and his parents are severely unstable as well. I feel they had a factor in this breakup. They were pushing for it from what I can tell.
thekarmacist Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 do you think you could live with someone like that?
Author ptopes Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Who he is now? No! I don't deserve this disrespect he is showing me right now. I take huge offense that he sleeps with an engaged woman who is sleeping with other men rather than contact me. I try to force myself to think he is moving on, but it all just seems like a huge subconscious cry for help. But at the same time, this isn't the guy I know. To me, he's acting way out of line. I know people change, but this guy has been known to be an emotional train wreck before, so it's hard to believe who he is now is who he TRULY is.
Recommended Posts