Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 We are hot and heavy doing the boyfriend/girlfriend, and family thing all winter long, but as soon as summer hits, it's like we are just casually dating one another? It's so annoying... I get it that he wants guy time on the water, but I just don't like it. I have never been this way in all of my adult dating life, and since my D Bag of an ex husband cheated, I automatically think it will happen again if too many opportunities are there. I was doing real well all day today. He left at 11:00 to go hang with his guy friends, he called before he left, and that was the last I heard from him. I know he's been on social media sites, based on his comments...so my thought is, why couldn't he shoot a text? I wound up texting him that I hope he was being safe and having a good time, and I got a text back 40 minutes later saying that he was pulling the jet ski out of the water and going to the car wash to wash it down, and that he'd talk to me when he was done. Then what's my problem, (I am sure you are all wondering) my brain goes somewhere else, like, why couldn't he call me on his way to car wash...is someone else with him. Ughhhh...I need these thoughts to stop. I have so many trust issues, but I actually love him, and I'm not sure if I should trust or not. My divorce was 3 years ago, and I've been dating him for about 1.5 years. I've been going to counseling for my trust issues, and I thought I made some head way, but I am now thinking it was just b/c we were always together, and not around half naked woman on the beach... I know that I can't blow this, the first time he did his guy thing, but it's so hard....anyone else experience trust issues after being cheated on by their spouse? Any suggestions on how to deal with it would be greatly appreciated.
Michelle ma Belle Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Have you talked with him about how you're feeling?
Author Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Why can't you join him on the water? I would love to join him, but I had my children today. Honestly, I am not even sure if he asked.
Author Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 And of course, he calls to say that he is done. And that before any rumors start he ran into so and so, (two female friends) and his guy friends, and they all had lunch together. I have noticed one of the so and so female friends is always on his social media website. I took it like a champ, yes, I asked a few questions. And dropped it...but something doesn't seem right to me now.
Author Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 We are hot and heavy doing the boyfriend/girlfriend, and family thing all winter long, but as soon as summer hits, it's like we are just casually dating one another? It's so annoying... I get it that he wants guy time on the water, but I just don't like it. I have never been this way in all of my adult dating life, and since my D Bag of an ex husband cheated, I automatically think it will happen again if too many opportunities are there. I was doing real well all day today. He left at 11:00 to go hang with his guy friends, he called before he left, and that was the last I heard from him. I know he's been on social media sites, based on his comments...so my thought is, why couldn't he shoot a text? I wound up texting him that I hope he was being safe and having a good time, and I got a text back 40 minutes later saying that he was pulling the jet ski out of the water and going to the car wash to wash it down, and that he'd talk to me when he was done. Then what's my problem, (I am sure you are all wondering) my brain goes somewhere else, like, why couldn't he call me on his way to car wash...is someone else with him. Ughhhh...I need these thoughts to stop. I have so many trust issues, but I actually love him, and I'm not sure if I should trust or not. My divorce was 3 years ago, and I've been dating him for about 1.5 years. I've been going to counseling for my trust issues, and I thought I made some head way, but I am now thinking it was just b/c we were always together, and not around half naked woman on the beach... I know that I can't blow this, the first time he did his guy thing, but it's so hard....anyone else experience trust issues after being cheated on by their spouse? Any suggestions on how to deal with it would be greatly appreciated. Update: And of course, he calls to say that he is done. And that before any rumors start he ran into so and so, (two female friends) and his guy friends, and they all had lunch together. I have noticed one of the so and so female friends is always on his social media website. I took it like a champ, yes, I asked a few questions. And dropped it...but something doesn't seem right to me now.
ird Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 You need to talk to him about this because it definitely sounds like you have trust/jealousy issues. Texting today is unnatural, people, especially dating couples, need time and shouldn't be texting each other 24/7. Don't expect him to drop everything he's doing just to tap at his phone for a minute or two. Look, you two have been together for a good while, over a year. If you can't trust him then what's the point of having the relationship? I understand you've been cheated on with your ex-husband and that causes a lot of emotional and mental trauma but think about your boyfriend and why you two are together. Hopefully those reasons remind you why you should trust him. Also, there are going to be half-naked women everywhere at some point. It's just like that. If he's truly a good guy then he won't really acknowledge them and they'll just be another ambient group of girls. You already know this, but don't suffocate him. That'll just drive him away. I know it's hard but try your best to put your trust in him. If that's impossible I'd consider therapy.
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 And of course, he calls to say that he is done. And that before any rumors start he ran into so and so, (two female friends) and his guy friends, and they all had lunch together. I have noticed one of the so and so female friends is always on his social media website. I took it like a champ, yes, I asked a few questions. And dropped it...but something doesn't seem right to me now. OP, does he know you were cheated on? Does he sense you have a hard time trusting now? This could explain why he gave you the heads-up that he'd had lunch with some female friends. He might have wanted to come to you first and let you know, so that you didn't hear it from someone else and suspect the worst. Sounds like he was trying to respect you, honestly. Try to take a deep breath and relax. I know it's hard. What doesn't seem right in this scenario? Have you been suspicious of this woman before?
Author Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 OP, does he know you were cheated on? Does he sense you have a hard time trusting now? This could explain why he gave you the heads-up that he'd had lunch with some female friends. He might have wanted to come to you first and let you know, so that you didn't hear it from someone else and suspect the worst. Sounds like he was trying to respect you, honestly. Try to take a deep breath and relax. I know it's hard. What doesn't seem right in this scenario? Have you been suspicious of this woman before? It sounds juvenile, and trivial, but she is always on his social media site, and clearly she is looking for love. but I will say this, he doesn't hide me on there. So, I know I may be over-reacting, so before I went straight to him, I used this site as an outlet to regain positive thoughts....
Author Apaige Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 OP, does he know you were cheated on? Does he sense you have a hard time trusting now? This could explain why he gave you the heads-up that he'd had lunch with some female friends. He might have wanted to come to you first and let you know, so that you didn't hear it from someone else and suspect the worst. Sounds like he was trying to respect you, honestly. Try to take a deep breath and relax. I know it's hard. What doesn't seem right in this scenario? Have you been suspicious of this woman before? Suspicious, yes...but only b/c of social media...so I have kept my mouth shut for fear of driving him away b/c of my thoughts, and social media. And no, I am not bashing it, but some sites are being used as a dating source.
Clarence_Boddicker Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Is he textaphobic? I have no issues texting what's going on with me throughout the day. If I'm busy, it might be a short text. GPS isn't a problem either, as I've got nothing to hide.
endlessabyss Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I think OP's cynicism is valid. This guy she is dating seems like a partier, and with the loose relationship standards of our modern world, I'd say cheating is to be expected. How do you think this guy will respond to some strange while is partying on the beach? I have always noticed that the guys who are in relationships are the ones always aggressively pursued by other women; it's like their jealous radar kicks in, and they need to show they are the better option. Any guys in here ever notice when the summer time comes up, viewing all those half naked women makes you want to **** everything in site, regardless of your relationship? lol.
Hopeful714 Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Trust him this time and don't make an issue. It's a holiday wknd and he's hangin with his friends for a day. But if you begin to feel this is getting habitual, then tell him how you feel and see how he reacts. I understand this problem. I too was the winter gf until it got to be warm and bike season began....along with the buddies, girls and yes, cheating. If you don't like what's happening in the next few weeks, put on your best short shorts and tell him see ya!
writergal Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 OP, how open is your communication with your boyfriend? Does he know you have trust issues? If not, now's the time to talk to him openly about your trust triggers. If he is a good boyfriend, he will understand and will do what he can to avoid triggering your trust issues. After dating 1.5 years, there shouldn't be any unspoken concerns between you two. Everything should be out in the open.
babycakees Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I feel like there is something missing from this story. There must be some reason why OP thinks this guy might cheat on her other than the social media sites. Does he flirt with other women regularly? How does he respond when these single women comment on his social media sites? Modern day dating sucks with all this texting and social media. Ugh.
Author Apaige Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 I feel like there is something missing from this story. There must be some reason why OP thinks this guy might cheat on her other than the social media sites. Does he flirt with other women regularly? How does he respond when these single women comment on his social media sites? Modern day dating sucks with all this texting and social media. Ugh. I just always feel that we will break up...and I sometimes think that he will find someone that meets all of the requirements. I live a little distance (40 min., not too far, I know, but a haul when you have children, pets, and so on) from him, (that was a problem in the past- he got over it, and we compromised that my house is the house that he visits in the winter months, and his is the house that we visit in the summer months) and in the beginning that was a problem. I didn't move, and won't move closer at this time due to my children and their schools.
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