stars989 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) I've been seeing a guy for the last month. He says that we are dating and that we are not friends with benefits. We have been on about six dates and we have had sex twice, on the last two dates. I have had higher expectations for him because of the words that he has says. He tells me that he wants me to open up to him and break down my walls, that he can't wait to see me, that he would see me every other day if he could, we lived close enough to one another that he was available to me etc....at first I didn't think he was following through with all of these words because he was creating such high expectations and not living up to them...and I told him I just wanted to be friends. He didn't want this but agreed. he said I wasn't showing enough interest, not calling enough etc. and that's whey he "backed off". We went out as friends and he was incredibly persistent saying that he knew that he wanted me and wanted to be affectionate with me again and that he wanted to start things over. He was incredibly persistent the next couple of days so I decided to give him another chance....we went on dates 4,5, and 6 and had sex. He was saying how he wants to see me every other day because he can't get enough. That was last Monday. Now he is acting incredibly strange. He is too busy to meet up and I haven't seen him in over a week with no plans from him to meet up. I"ve initiated texting and calling but he hasn't really and gone are the sweet words and the "I can't wait to see you's".On Wednesday he said he had gotten sick (cold) and This weekend, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday he said that he would be very busy and that his friends were in town. He didn't contact me at all over the weekend I texted him Sunday night to ask if he wanted to hang out on Monday night and he didn't respond to me yet. I am feeling like I just got majorly played. I wouldn't expect so much from him if it wasn't for the things that he has said to be me....that we're dating, he knew that I was what he wanted, he wanted me to open up to him and break down my walls and defenses. Is it ok what he is doing? Am I expecting too much? Edited May 25, 2015 by stars989
ExpatInItaly Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I think you are getting the slow fade. Maybe he was only looking for sex after all. Maybe he met someone else. It's hard, but don't take it personally. Next time, be wary of someone who is so pushy and persistent from the get-go. I'd just let it go. You put the invite out there and he gave you radio silence. That's all you need to know about his current level of interest. He may come back around or he may not. Out of curiosity, how did you meet?
babycakees Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I hate to say it, but I feel this guy was only looking for sex. Anytime a guy becomes overly persistent in the beginning, usually sets off a red flag for me. He's pulling the fade away on you and I hate to see this continually happen (it's happened to me quite a lot). At this point, I wouldn't even bother trying to start communication with him. Don't text him, don't call him and wait and see if he communicates with you. By reaching out repeatedly to him, it'll will only boost his ego and tell him that you are upset he's pulling a fade away. At this point, I usually wash my hands of the whole thing and start moving on. My guess is he got what he wanted and is moving on himself.
Author stars989 Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Is there any chance I'm overreacting? Is there any way to salvage the situation? Should I even want to? I met him through tinder
ExpatInItaly Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Is there any chance I'm overreacting? Is there any way to salvage the situation? Should I even want to? I met him through tinder No, I don't think you're over-reacting. He was very eager and now he's pulled away. I don't think you need to "salvage" anything. You already invited him to meet and he didn't respond. There's not really anything else to be done. Why would you want a guy who was so pushy and then suddenly cold after sex? You said you feel used. Listen to that feeling and ask yourself why you'd want to go there again. Also, keep in mind that Tinder is generally for hook-ups, not true relationship matches. You're likely not the only girl he was talking to
stillafool Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Please don't contact this creep again. If he were that excited to be with you he would have invited you to hang out with him and his friends since it was a holiday weekend. I agree that he probably just wanted sex. Some guys will say anything to get laid.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 When a guy is genuinely looking for a relationship, having sex will only bring you closer together. You should notice increase in contact/wanting to spend time together. This guy only wanted sex.
lovexocoach Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Sadly, you were played. He duped you with his words and his persistence and lead you to believe there was something there when there wasn't. He only wants sex. Now that you've had sex with him his curiosity has been satisfied. Had you waited, you would have seen his true personality and intentions. Don't be surprised if he calls you when he's "not busy" because he wants to have sex with you. The lesson? *Actions* speak louder than words. And having sex too early before a relationship has time to develop leads to a man disappearing.
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