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Posted
My favorite is "I love you but I'm not in live with you".

Statements like these I feel are a copout.

 

I don't understand that either, although I've never had it said to me. I think it boils down to people's ideas of love. "In love" to me is butterflies, that crazy infatuated feeling that we get at the beginning and experience in bursts throughout the relationship. Love is something that builds over time. For me anyway, when I love someone I love them, period. I can lose the butterflies and passionate crazy feelings easily (they ebb and flow) but when I have strong feelings for someone, that to me is love. I would never tell someone I loved them but wasn't in love with them.

Posted
My favorite is "I love you but I'm not in live with you".

Statements like these I feel are a copout.

 

Yep, I got that one so I agree it's a copout.

Posted
I don't understand that either, although I've never had it said to me. I think it boils down to people's ideas of love. "In love" to me is butterflies, that crazy infatuated feeling that we get at the beginning and experience in bursts throughout the relationship. Love is something that builds over time. For me anyway, when I love someone I love them, period. I can lose the butterflies and passionate crazy feelings easily (they ebb and flow) but when I have strong feelings for someone, that to me is love. I would never tell someone I loved them but wasn't in love with them.

 

I love my friends and cousins and would do almost anything for them. However the love I have for my husband is more of a longing for him when he's gone. I can't wait to be with him, kiss him, feel his arms around me everyday. My love for him is different than the love I have for friends and relatives. I think this is what they mean when they say "I love you but I am not in love with you." They mean they love you as a person but no longer in a romantic way.

Posted
I love my friends and cousins and would do almost anything for them. However the love I have for my husband is more of a longing for him when he's gone. I can't wait to be with him, kiss him, feel his arms around me everyday. My love for him is different than the love I have for friends and relatives. I think this is what they mean when they say "I love you but I am not in love with you." They mean they love you as a person but no longer in a romantic way.

 

I get that, but what I meant was, I'd either love the person I'm with or I wouldn't. Unless they had done something to make me think differently of them and fall out of love, I wouldn't just love them as a person. If I love the guy I'm with as a person and they haven't done anything that's made my view changed, then I'll still love them. If I stopped loving them, it's because I didn't love who they were anymore or how they treated me. If that makes any sense..

Posted
I get that, but what I meant was, I'd either love the person I'm with or I wouldn't. Unless they had done something to make me think differently of them and fall out of love, I wouldn't just love them as a person. If I love the guy I'm with as a person and they haven't done anything that's made my view changed, then I'll still love them. If I stopped loving them, it's because I didn't love who they were anymore or how they treated me. If that makes any sense..

 

I understand both perspectives.

 

Personally, I don't think I'd fall out of love with someone 'just like that' - in the same way you suggest. I anticipate there'd need to be a major trigger and even then it's probably something that to me makes the relationship unsalvageable (e.g. they have an affair) and I'd probably still be in love with them.

 

But there are other people who do apparently fall out of love. In my experience though, using both relationships of others and my own as reference points for this, those types of people often have unreasonable expectations in relationships, or they've a less mature attitude towards them.

Posted
I understand both perspectives.

 

Personally, I don't think I'd fall out of love with someone 'just like that' - in the same way you suggest. I anticipate there'd need to be a major trigger and even then it's probably something that to me makes the relationship unsalvageable (e.g. they have an affair) and I'd probably still be in love with them.

 

But there are other people who do apparently fall out of love. In my experience though, using both relationships of others and my own as reference points for this, those types of people often have unreasonable expectations in relationships, or they've a less mature attitude towards them.

 

Totally agree. My ex didn't say he'd fallen out of love per se, but he hinted at it. His reasoning was that the passion wasn't the same as it was in the beginning. To me, that's normal and something I believe always takes work once the initial butterflies wear off. As you say, for some people that's a deal breaker and it's easy for them to walk away from and seek greener pastures. My ex even said he was afraid he'd be like this in every relationship; to me that speaks more about his expectations rather than our relationship.

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