Author I_Give_Up67 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 I can write a book on trust issues with women and it nearly destroyed the best relationship I ever had and still have. I still have trust issues but honestly I don't trust men either but I don't date them so it was never that much of a worry for me. I found one woman who I trust and that is good enough for me. Just realize women are individuals just like men are and realize they are capable of the same things. Make them earn your trust and vulnerability but don't take a guilty until proven innocent approach either. So true, Woggle. After the stunt I pulled last night, I've realized how serious my problem is. Dammit, I can't figure out why she's even still speaking with me today? I realize now that I did take a guilty until proven innocent approach also. Thank you..
kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Hey IGU67, thanks for your kind reply! As I was reading a thought came to me though. Have you discussed this with her in a way where perhaps she can understand you have a problem you're working on and hopefully cause her to understand that it's not just her you don't trust? It could be sticky, because when dating it is not typically a good idea to point out one's problem areas, but my guess is she knows more than you think she does already. It's just a thought to consider. I mean a good g/f (or b/f as the case may be) should be good for helping us though our problems, not just run from us. I know if I had an emotional problem (which of course I don't because I'm so friggin' awesome ), I would feel that if a lady friend helped me work on it, it would be a chance to get closer than ever. Ken 2
Syberia Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 So true, Woggle. After the stunt I pulled last night, I've realized how serious my problem is. Dammit, I can't figure out why she's even still speaking with me today? I realize now that I did take a guilty until proven innocent approach also. Thank you.. The conclusion you'll have to come to, and it's completely logical, is that the reason she's still speaking to you after whatever "stunt" you pulled, is because she likes you, and wants this to work as much as you do. Now, go get her something pretty from the garden section at Lowe's, and tell her you're sorry 3
Author I_Give_Up67 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Hey IGU67, thanks for your kind reply! As I was reading a thought came to me though. Have you discussed this with her in a way where perhaps she can understand you have a problem you're working on and hopefully cause her to understand that it's not just her you don't trust? It could be sticky, because when dating it is not typically a good idea to point out one's problem areas, but my guess is she knows more than you think she does already. It's just a thought to consider. I mean a good g/f (or b/f as the case may be) should be good for helping us though our problems, not just run from us. I know if I had an emotional problem (which of course I don't because I'm so friggin' awesome ), I would feel that if a lady friend helped me work on it, it would be a chance to get closer than ever. Ken Ken, It pained me greatly, but that is exactly what I've been doing all afternoon. I laid it all out for her and pledged to work on my issues, she is understandably still feeling the effects of my stupidity last night. But she has not kicked me to the curb yet, so I can only hope she gives me a bit more time. Regardless, how things work out with her, I felt I did owe her the truth and let her know that she is not the problem. She deserves so much better from me. Thanks again Ken! 2
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 To rotate into an advice column for a sec - don't get too abysmal with that! She'll probably want to know you're sorry but she still wants you to hang onto your nut sack. 2
kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Gotta agree with Syberia. Most women do appreciate the make-up gifts, especially flowers. You can make a deposit into that love bank as easily as a withdrawal. 1
kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 To rotate into an advice column for a sec - don't get too abysmal with that! She'll probably want to know you're sorry but she still wants you to hang onto your nut sack. To clarify Jen, to what are you referring when you say not to get too abysmal with that?
Syberia Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Don't go overboard dwelling on his faults and wallowing in self-pity, I'd assume. 1
Author I_Give_Up67 Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Don't go overboard dwelling on his faults and wallowing in self-pity, I'd assume. Yes this is how I read it also.
Popsicle Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Well, the best part about this kind of thing is the makeup sex. 2
Syberia Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Well, the best part about this kind of thing is the makeup sex. What is this "make-up sex" you speak of? I've been married 5 years and still have yet to experience it. If she's even the least bit angry with me, sex is completely off the table. 2
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Yes this is how I read it also. Specifically as it translates into actions and words towards her. 1
kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 What is this "make-up sex" you speak of? I've been married 5 years and still have yet to experience it. If she's even the least bit angry with me, sex is completely off the table. LOL well, some people actually make up and don't have the long grudge. After 5 years of marriage, she's probably still angry about the last four things you did wrong! 2
kenmore Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Specifically as it translates into actions and words towards her. Is it me, or are you getting even more cryptic? 1
jen1447 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Haha - I'm sorry. Let me do a dialogue example. Good IGU67: "Baby, I'm sorry, I was a douche. Here are some lovely flowers. Please forgive me. I'd like to take you out to dinner as well to show you how much what we've got going here is really starting to mean to me." [smiles warmly and manfully] Bad IGU67: "Baby, I'm a lowly dog, the lowest of the low. I don't know why I sabotage relationships like this. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again. I suck, and I only hope you'll take pity on me and let me slither back under your feet. Actually no, I suck too much even for that - just kill me now." [runs away crying] 3
kenmore Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Haha - I'm sorry. Let me do a dialogue example. Good IGU67: "Baby, I'm sorry, I was a douche. Here are some lovely flowers. Please forgive me. I'd like to take you out to dinner as well to show you how much what we've got going here is really starting to mean to me." [smiles warmly and manfully] Bad IGU67: "Baby, I'm a lowly dog, the lowest of the low. I don't know why I sabotage relationships like this. I wouldn't blame you if you never wanted to talk to me again. I suck, and I only hope you'll take pity on me and let me slither back under your feet. Actually no, I suck too much even for that - just kill me now." [runs away crying] ROFL!! Hmm, when you put it that way, I get it! 1
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