cheated on love of my life,

[brickwa]

I have really hit a brick wall and i don't know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 years now. we started off great and in love and i still am with him. to my deepest regrets after 1 year and a half of being together i was going through a rough patch with finances education depression health etc and so was he individually and together as a couple. I cheated on him, i made the greatest mistake of my life as i love him with all my life. I feel like we are meant to be together.

 

I wasn't thinking and i am disappointed in myself as this was not what i was like especially when i knew what it would do to him, being home bound because of my health and not in education or employment with various other issues which i kept between myself and my boyfriend, got a lot for me and i reacted din the worst way, being selfish and immoral which i understand and agree with and have accepted.

 

He found out and we tried to sort things out. i seemed advice from my friend of nearly 10 years whom we have had our own problems in the past and i have also had a relationship with but never really stopped loving me and i guess hated that i didn't want to carry on the relationship for reasons i thought were best in order to keep our friendship.

 

My friend was the one that introduced us to each other and was friends with my boyfriend before i met him. They were fairly close but not like best friends when me and my boyfriend got together.

My boyfriend and I had been living together for over a year and my best friend was also in a relationship which was unfortunately not going well because his boyfriend had cheated and done other things to hurt him. I was always there for him as a friend when he needed my advice and help so i went to him when i needed some too.

 

He unsurprisingly agreed that what i did was wring and that it was up to my boyfriend he he felt that what we have is strong enough to survive this, he supported me saying he believed that i wouldn't do this again as i showed how much i loved my boyfriends and how sorry i was.

Unfortunately it was an addiction to the app that i hadn't realised and i was in there agin but i never cheated again, just the thrill of talking to people for a minute an then feeling horrible about it as i knew i didn't really want to be doing this as i loved my boyfriend and didn't want to hurt him anymore.

 

My best friend and my boyfriend got really close beach of this thing they had in common of their partners treated them unfairly in the relationship but his was far worse in terms of physical abuse and it was more apparent that his boyfriend didn't love him which i know was not the case in my relationship. Despite this he compared mine to his and i feel like he wants me to pay for hurting my boyfriend and disregards any sort of care for me as a friend regarding the issue.

 

My boyfriend was finding it really hard to forgive and forget and many attempts tried to break uo with me such an emotional and physical and mentally draining experience of my life as i love him with my whole heart and never wanted to hurt him again.

 

My best friend split up with his boyfriend which ended up in a really bad break up with fights and police involved where myself and my boyfriend as his friend supported and helped him in the most peaceful manner to retrieve his things from his boyfriends place and accommodated him while he had nowhere to go.

 

My boyfriend and i were at the end of our lease ad had to move so he had decided he wasn't going t ob with me anymore but he kept changing his mind, still showing me love and affection on and off kissing me etc saying he loved me then it all stopped. On the day we were to move out and go our separate ways i was pleading with him to give us another try and was so emotional and i knew that he loved me but just couldn't bear what i had done to him and his pride was greater than our love it seemed.

 

He changed his mind and myself and my boyfriend along with my friend moved into a house share. I was skeptical about this as of recent i had seen messaged between them bad mouthing me and saying horrible things about me and discrediting me because of what i had done. My friend who was suppose to be my best friend felt like my enemy who wasn't helping to support to repair my relationship but adding fuel to destroy it.

 

Myself and my friend argued because of this and myself and my boyfriend were always arguing, noting i did made him happy because of all the anger and hatred he had for what i had done to him. Still he tells me he loves me and that was why he wanted to give this a try and why we are still living together and in a relationship. I found this hard to believe.

 

I felt like i was living with the devil, my friend as he was going back and forth between what i confided and told him while asking for advice and teling it to my boyfriend. he preferred my boyfriends friendship, it was very clear now, he didn't want me to come out places with them because he felt i was too sensible and didn't want to have fun which i have never had any of my friends tell me.

 

His relationship was different from mine with my boyfriend but thats all he had to compare with so he wanted to spend time with my boyfriend and leave me out of it. I feel betrayed and alone and lost and so heartbroken but still i hang on because this was my doing and i don't want to lose the love of my life to this. I have lost s many things in life because of y mistakes and actions and i didn't want the one thing i wanted most in my life to be gone forever.

 

I know that we have a special connection and i know he knows it too and we have had many people tell us that it was clear we loved each other from how we acted etc.

 

Now living together i am always at work and my boyfriend is currently not working and my friend is always home with him as he still studies, I always feel like I'm missing out and sometimes lash out because of them doing things and spending time together that i fell i should be doing to help repair my relationship. Buy i am working to support myself and my partner while he searches for employment.

 

This weekend my boyfriend tells me he is going to stay at his families for the weekend and my friend also coincidently was absent from the house with his car gone this also happened to be the weekend of a gay pride outside London. I discovered that my friend had book tickets nd transport for two to go there and when i asked him where he was on the first night he said he had crashed at a friends and didn't come home then stopped replying to my messages.

 

I feel s betrayed and targeted to be punished by them both as i feel they had planned to go and lied about it to me to avoid me going with them. I am so hurt and couldn't believe that my boyfriend would lie to me even saying he loved me and that he misses me and that he was at his families, when i asked him where he really was and if he was lying to me he got defensive and said he wasn't lying and then stopped replying when i instead to speak with him on the phone.

 

i fell i have lost the two people who i ma closest to in my life nd don't know where to turn, i feel i have to accept this if he has truly lied to me and gone wit my friend because i have done worse by cheating on him. But iodinate understand why he would do this if he was trying to make things better and if he says he still loves me, he doesn't treat me the same and he acts so different and had=s changed massively. i feel he doesn't love me anymore most of the times and that he is just pitying me because it is better for us to be together financial etc.

 

I feel i can no longer be friends with my friend as he has truly betrayed and hurt me when i have done nothing to him to deserve this.

 

I am home alone lost confused depressed and don't know who to turn to and i am a very private person but i need to tell someone to get advice as to what to do because i love him so much and i just done know if this will work out.

[frigginlost]

What an absolutely toxic situation...

 

First and foremost, you cheated and then looked to a friend who you had a relationship with in the past for support. If I was your boyfriend, that simple fact alone would kill any chance whatsoever of me trusting you again. It sounds as if your boyfriend is playing you to "get even" in his own childish way.

 

I think the best thing you can do, is learn a really good lesson on what cheating can do, accept it, forgive yourself, and remove both of them from your life.

[Poutrew]

ummm... if I am reading this right, it sounds like your best friend is in love with your boyfriend and decided to use your infidelity as a way to get into your boyfriend's pants. Sounds like it worked. Your boyfriend is in the process of switching sides, and your best friend was *never* your friend. Perhaps your infidelity was your way of telling yourself that this relationship wasn't really real (that you subconsciously knew it)? It may be difficult, but you really need to cut your losses and exit this relationship before it makes you crazy as well.

[irishguy]

I think your boyfriend is lost after your betrayal , and now he is listening to advice from your ex friend who clearly doesnt like you .I dont see any future here , best for you to find a different place to live.

[Satu]

This doesn't look like something that can be repaired.

 

It would be best for you to have some time by yourself, so that you can sort yourself out.

 

You love your boyfriend with all your heart, yet you cheated on him...

 

I won't judge you about that, but there is something in you that needs to be fixed.

 

Look into getting some counselling.

[mightycpa]

I once cheated on a girl I truly loved, and it was the best sex of my life.

 

Talk about confused... I "lost" her number afterwards, and I spent a long time trying to figure out if I did the right thing.

 

In the end, said girlfriend cheated on me.

 

Go figure.

 

Life goes on. Count on it.

[thekarmacist]

guess it wasn't the love of your life, then. anybody that cheats needs to be alone to figure their cheating a** out.

[mightycpa]

guess it wasn't the love of your life, then. anybody that cheats needs to be alone to figure their cheating a** out.

No, she wasn't, although at the time, I thought she was.

 

I don't know if I needed to be alone or not. After her, I went with multi-dating, which suited me just perfectly until I was ready for a committed relationship.

[thekarmacist]

i was writing to the OP mighty.

[mightycpa]

i was writing to the OP mighty.

sorry, charlie. I think you've got us both pegged!

[thekarmacist]

that's charlene, mighty!

[tylerj]

The situation sounds toxic.

 

I'm sorry if this sounds harsh, but I don't think anyone would cheat on the 'love of their life' if they really truly felt that person was the love of their life.

 

I think, maybe in hindsight, you massively regret what you have done and are scared of being alone.

 

I feel like you need to take some space, away from relationships, away from the app you refer to (Tinder?) - get a friend to put a parental control password on your phone so you can't access it or something...

 

You need to become happy with your own life. And when you are happy, then is the time to get back out there dating.

[Trimmer]

Maybe it was in there, but I'm not sure... Could you clarify: Are you a woman or a man?

 

The reason I ask is, if you're a man in a relationship with another man (the "boyfriend" you cheated on), and then you went to yet another man for advice (your "friend", apparently also gay) and comfort when you had difficulties, then you added a complicated dynamic, as it now appears that your friend and boyfriend have become closer, united against you, and it seems almost inevitable that this closeness would likely translate to a romantic bond, and well, you can take it from there.

 

On the other hand, if you are a woman (assumed nominally straight), and you went to your gay friend for advice and comfort, thinking this was a safe option for everyone, since he would not likely become romantically entangled with either you (as a straight woman) or your boyfriend (as an assumed straight man), and yet here we have the still odd, yet somewhat different dynamic that it appears that your boyfriend and your gay friend have now bonded (still with you as the common enemy, or course), to the degree that it sounds suspiciously like they are going together to a gay pride event, the details of which they are keeping from you...

 

So just so we can move forward with the full context, is it one of these scenarios, or yet some other more complicated one that I haven't imagined?

 

In either event, I would imagine that your gay friend is projecting some amount of emotional anguish and hurt from his own situation onto you, and this is driving him to sympathize intensely with your boyfriend. You could not have provided a better common enemy, with better timing, for the two of them to bond over.

Edited May 26, 2015 by Trimmer