What Happened ?

[Nobuddy]

Hello everyone. Recently I took a long time friend of mine out on a date. We both have had a thing for eachother for a long time, but never acted on it until recently. I took her out a couple times, movies, bar, drinking etc. she had just gotten out of a relationship and told me she was not looking for a relationship and wanted to take things slow. About 2 weeks go by, and her friends start asking me when we're going to start dating. I laughed it off, being told we should take things slow I fully agreed. The same night, while she was drunk out of her mind, she asked me if I would be her boyfriend. I told her to ask me when she wasn't drunk ( I wanted too be, we got/get along good). Anyways, she slept over my place, and started to take off my pants, I stopped her trying to show respect because she was wasted, wanted to take things slow and I really liked her. I did not want to be the guy who took advantage of her drunk, don't get me wrong if it was just a hook up I would have done it. Anyways, when I stopped her, much to my shock she started to cry ? This left me baffled. I comforted her and told her it wasn't her, just that she's wasted and specifically told me many times she wanted to take things slow. This was a month ago now. We talked very little after this night, and haven't talked in a week now. I don't understand what exactly happened. From a woman's point of view, could I get some answers ? I don't want to ask her straight up because I don't want to bring up that night again. Any advice would be helpful and appreciated ! Thank you

[La.Primavera]

If you really like her then you need to talk to her about what happened.

 

You did the honorable thing and I credit you for that.

 

From her point of view this could be guilt for trying to rebound too quickly after her breakup or it could be embarrassment for coming on to you which has only increased when you never mentioned it up again.

 

The only way to know for sure is to speak to her. You have nothing to loose at this point.

[jgirl8]

I agree with the poster above. You did the right thing. She might feel really stupid. But it might be something else. She is still dealing with a break up.

[GemmaUK]

If this happened and it were me I would be thinking these things in no particular order:

 

A. I might not even remember exactly what was said if I were that wasted but I would likely know that I made a pass, felt stupid and cried.

B. I was fresh out of a RS, did want to take things slow but then oopsie, got very drunk and with someone I was staring to trust, the opportunity for sex popped into my head and it can be a 'rip the plaster off' feeling after a break up.

C: Because I don't exactly know what happened I just want to avoid the issue completely right now but wish I could turn the clock back and what happened never happened which also means avoiding you but I might well be kicking myself inside not having a clue what you think, feeling totally embarrassed and so for me it's become a huge thing to cringe about.

D. If he does actually really like me then I could use some reassurance that I am not stupid and was simply just drunk and that these things happen and he doesn't think any less of me.

E. It would be encouraging for me if he went back to his normal self, chatty, friendly and funny.

 

There is also a thing about saying you want to take things slow and then having trust in someone and risking it with them.

Either way, whether you had slept together or not I think she would have felt silly about this.

I know I would have when I was younger.

At my age now I wouldn't worry so much about it though but with age comes confidence in yourself even when you make dumb mistakes, especially for women.

 

I would suggest contacting her and saying something like:

'I would really like to see you again and I miss having you around. I think you've a lovely girl and would hate to think that I hurt you in any way. I hope you don't feel bad on my account. You have nothing to feel bad about.

What are the odds that you would come out on a date with me again? x'

 

I met a guy when I was 22. I kissed him that night fuelled by alcohol and um..he had a girlfriend who he had been dating for a couple of weeks.

I felt very stupid the next time I saw him and cringed, tried to get away even but he wasn't having it. He was friendly and open towards me and made me not feel stupid.

He was this same way each time I saw him after that which was around 5 times.

A few months later he had broken up with his gf and due to an incident that happened that night when we were in the same venue I went to look for him. We spent the entire night talking, I brought up how silly I had felt and he brushed it off, he liked me and me being a bit of a flooze that first night made no difference to him. We went on a date the Wednesday after and we were together for 14 years.