Author Plaster Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Honestly, if you treated her the way so say you did, I don't think you really loved her. Now that she is gone, you feel lonely and are second guessing things and imagining deeper feelings for her than you have or had. I may be wrong, but I'd guess if you did end up together again you would be in the same boat (broken up) again in a few months. Now this is one of the battles I'm fighting at the moment. I do love her, I know I do. But there is this in my head somewhere, even if it is a tiny bit
Author Plaster Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 So I had a bit of an epiphany whilst in the shower. This morning I was really struggling. She said she was always there for me if I needed her. I contacted and didn't get anything. She wasn't there. Because she no longer is apart of my life. I received a message from her asking if I was okay about half an hour ago. I deleted it before opening it. She is the cause of the pain. The fact I had not followed nc rules meant I hurt. I get it now. As long as I want her I'm going to hurt. If I want no contact I will heal. Only then will there be any chance of sorting things out, but by then maybe I won't want her. I will write a list about all the things I didn't like about her, all the things that bugged me. I'm going to ask my mates to help too. I'm going to move on. It will be hard but it's easier than feeling like I did this morning every day. Tomorrow is day 1. Let's do this. I shall keep updating this thread for anyone who wants to join me on this journey.
sober and dry Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Now you see a little more, that's the way. Don't think that everything will be easier from now on, it won't but in the end it's for the best, trust that and be strong there
hunk Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Stop contacting her. You contacting her this morning just pushed her further away and turned her off you. Her interest in you is essentially teetering on a fence (no matter what she says - do not listen to her when she says she still loves you/wants to be with you - judge on her actions). The way you treated her has meant she's had a long time to detach from you and her feelings for you have undoubtedly changed, attraction has plummeted now because you're the one doing 100% of the chasing. This is why you HAVE TO STOP CONTACTING HER!. Contacting her during this time is going to communicate weakness and add to your already unfavorable image. This is a huge test for you, she is testing whether you can respect her wishes and ultimately she WANTS you to appear strong and as if you're moving on so she can regain these feelings for you, because they are essentially non existent at this point. Please trust me when I tell you all this. If you continue contacting her you're going to receive the "I just want to be by myself now. I'm really sorry, I hope we can be friends". Cut the soppy, needy crap - she knows how you feel. You didn't kill her father, you just took her for granted like 99% of men do with their girlfriend at some point. Man up and walk away for your own sake and for the sake of any potential reconciliation.
Author Plaster Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 This morning it's hard, it's nice to see the support though. All I want to do is hear here voice. I declined 4 of her calls last night. Sort of wish I spoke to her but I'm glad I didn't. This is hard. Time to be strong though.
Author Plaster Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Because she wants to know if I'm okay. I reached out to her yesterday morning. Took her 13 hours to do so. That meant she doesn't care. She said she wanted to give me time to calm down first that's why she left it a while because I had been erratic this weekend. That's true but if she did care she would of been there.. Those actions speak volumes. Gotta be strong an stick to nc.
Author Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Little update. We slept together the other night. Spur of the moment thing. It was strange, I didnt the sleep properly either and the sex wasn't the best. She seemed to think k I was just motivated for the sex. I think I may have been too. She's got this 'front' I can see through and has been a bit nasty. She text me this morning and it wasn't very nice, but I can see through that,. I am unfazed by it, that's a huge improvement. So back to Nc. But on the other hand seeing that side of her has made it hurt a little less. I'd love to be in her life again, but I do think that can happen for a while. And in a while I may not want to go back. I'm doing well though. Had a date last night that went pretty well, I'm pushing my self hard in the gym and feeling good because of that. I have started kickboxing and that has given me a sense of belonging and purpose and more of a goal into my fitness routine. I have also started meditating, finding happiness within myself and slowly realising that only I can truly make myself happy. I don't need someone else to validate me. I'm becoming a better man than I was in the relationship. I will still have the odd moment or I will think about her. But it's getting easier as I have goals and motivation to keep myself from dwelling. I think it's going to be alright. I still love and miss her but I'm beginning to value myself again. No woman is worth me thinking bad on myself. I'm sure I will have some more negative times coming up. But I'm going to make it. I've learned lessons, I've dealt with some excruciating pain, and I've started to make vital changes to my life. I'm looking good, I'm fitter and that's making me feel better. I'm having good times again. I think I may be happier without her. Surely I wouldn't of treated her as I did if I was truly happy with her? Maybe she was just a habit to me. Time will tell. But today I feel good. Even if she did try to put me down, it didn't work. I have things I could say that would destroy her. But I won't. I won't stoop to her level. Thanks for everything guys. I will keep updating. To anyone struggling still. Get involved in a sport or martial art, get to the gym, push yourself, eat well meditate. It will give you confidence in yourself and you will see that you can make yourself happy. I still have a long way to go and a lot of bad days to get through . But I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. These bad days will become less and less as I become stronger and stronger. 1
tangotango Posted May 31, 2015 Posted May 31, 2015 I'm in the same boat now mate - been on some 'time apart' for coming on 3 weeks now. She left me - we have been together 7 years living together 6.5 years... I can't resist the urge to contact her.. I miss her like mad We still have a house together... She didn't take any of her stuff at all... I went NC in the week only for her to break it and ask me if I am ok. It might well have been in response to me putting I was in a Bar on Facebook but that was it. Otherwise she will not initiate contact. I have tried some light hearted messages to try and get her to come meet me for a laugh together - no relationship talk but she will not have it. It is tearing me up now - I hate the thought of not knowing if she is ok or well... I don't know what she is thinking I need to try NC again to tone it right down and see how she fares then. I hate the way I took her for granted - you only realise when they walk out which I agreed with her about because it would have continued as I couldn't see the wood for the trees... Now I see everything and the last 3 weeks has been horrendous and painful. Angry with myself over the way I treated her. Considered suicide in the first couple of days!! Its not a great place to be. I only hope she comes round to see the better changed me, and that I am sharing a sun lounger with her on a beach some day soon... Damn it hurts bad
Author Plaster Posted May 31, 2015 Author Posted May 31, 2015 Yeah it's tough isn't it. I justice keep telling myself to move on and forget about her for now. If we are meant to be then we both need our space. I do miss her terribly though.
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