mammasita Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 You go to the bar by yourself when its not busy, sit at the bar and chat with him.
minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I am wondering how to show a bartender I'm interested. Before you all make fun of me, here's some background which might make this sound like less of an impossible task. A friend of a friend opened a bar a few years ago. The owner is really picky about who he hires and those he does hire usually end up becoming family. Whenever anyone in my friend group wants to grab a drink, they usually go here so the bar has a family-like atmosphere. He hired a bartender a year ago. I originally thought nothing of him as he's not my type, but lately I've developed a bit of a crush on him. It's really hard to get beyond the brief exchange at the bar because customers interrupt him. He's not your typical flirty outgoing bartender but this really sweet, laidback guy. I'm rather introverted and my confusion over how to go about showing him I'm interested made me realize something about myself. I've only ever been able to flirt with guys who are really outgoing/flirty aka the guys who are probably all wrong for me. This guy COULD be a good fit, but I just don't know how to take it to the next level. And if I do try, I might feel too embarrassed to ever come back to the bar. Any idea on how I can tell if he's interested and not just being a good bartender? Honestly, I wouldn't "keep it in the family." But, if you still are interested, just show your interest - be flirty with him, and let him make the move.
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 This might be a dumb question, but how do you show interest beyond me being a nice person? I have a hard time going the extra mile to make it known.
minime13 Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 This might be a dumb question, but how do you show interest beyond me being a nice person? I have a hard time going the extra mile to make it known. Pay attention to him, and talk to him like a guy instead of a bartender. It really doesn't take much if he's interested in you. If he's not, then there isn't a lot you can do about it. Honestly you probably should leave it alone, because it is a bar you frequent and he's a bartender. He may have his own rules about dating customers, too.
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Maybe I can talk about music since he's into that. Also he went to the funeral of a customer's family memeber so he's not totally separating business from pleasure. He seems to really develop friendships with his regulars.
Diezel Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 "Hey, what days do you have off from work? Oh, XXX day? Was wondering if maybe you'd want to join me for XXX activity." As a former bartender, the direct approach is the only one that directs. But also, as a former bartender, you are going to be competing with his job. Trust me.
Author abby_tx Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 I have an update on this guy too. Kind of a boring update. So his bar had a concert with a band that reunited after a 5 year hiatus. A lot of friends I hadn't seen in years were there and everyone was in a really good mood and drinking a lot. I ended up buying shots twice with a group of girls I know and each time we did them, I'd tell him I wanted to buy one for him too. He did both shots with me. My friends wanted to barhop and because he was so busy, that was pretty much the extent of conversation. Sucks when the only chance I have to see him is at the bar on the most busy night. I have NO idea if he's into me. When I first walked in, I pretended not to notice him (I'm kinda shy when not drinking) and I could tell out of the corner of my eye that he at least looked in my direction. I was HOPING he was checking me out. I was almost thinking of messaging him on facebook saying, "Hey sorry I kept buying you shots. Hope you weren't as hungover as I was the next day."
Halcyon Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Seems like you are just another customer. You either are going to have to risk asking him out or move on because he is probably oblivious or just not interested.
carhill Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 Ever notice him hitting on other customers? Remember, he's a salesperson and selling himself brings in more business and fills his coffers. Making people 'feel good' beyond selling them drinks is good for him.
Author abby_tx Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 He is nice to everyone, men and women, but never overboard. He's also not flirty with cute girls. I think he's oblivious or good at hiding feelings. I showed my friend his photo and described him and she said, "he looks like a doofus and easy to get." She thinks he doesn't know I have a crush on him. I do hide my crushes kinda well. I want to be more obvious in a non-pathetic way. I CANNOT flat out ask him out.
minime13 Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 He is nice to everyone, men and women, but never overboard. He's also not flirty with cute girls. I think he's oblivious or good at hiding feelings. I showed my friend his photo and described him and she said, "he looks like a doofus and easy to get." She thinks he doesn't know I have a crush on him. I do hide my crushes kinda well. I want to be more obvious in a non-pathetic way. I CANNOT flat out ask him out. You showed your friend a picture of the bartender and described him. Uh, you made it obvious. He's like that because he's probably not interested in getting involved with a customer.
Halcyon Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 (edited) He is nice to everyone, men and women, but never overboard. He's also not flirty with cute girls. I think he's oblivious or good at hiding feelings. I showed my friend his photo and described him and she said, "he looks like a doofus and easy to get." She thinks he doesn't know I have a crush on him. I do hide my crushes kinda well. I want to be more obvious in a non-pathetic way. I CANNOT flat out ask him out. You can ask him out, you just don't want to because that involves risk of rejection. Most guys are bloody oblivious to genuine interest from a girl. Because what most girls think is an obvious hint doesn't even register for just guys. Or he's not interested and it's easy to blow off most girls like that because most wouldn't dare ask a guy out. You are basically trying to get his attention at his place of work where he is obviously very busy. You're subtle hints are probably the last thing on his mind. Edited June 18, 2015 by Halcyon
S_A Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 I've been single a year now and this is the first guy I've been interested in. Guess I might as well forget him. Re-read the above. The first guy your interested in and you're just going to forget him because life does not make things happen for you on its own while you sit at a bar ordering a drink or 2? I am sure he is good at hising his feelings while on the job. Not saying he has any for you, but it's worth trying to find out IMO.
carhill Posted June 18, 2015 Posted June 18, 2015 He is nice to everyone, men and women, but never overboard. He's also not flirty with cute girls. You apparently have formed a strong impression of him through repeated interactions/observation. If that is his style, the challenge is to work with it and determine if he likes you. I think he's oblivious or good at hiding feelings. Perhaps, or perhaps the overall impression is part of his 'job face', which opens up another angle, since it's easy to make friendly conversation with him. Find out about his interests away from work. I showed my friend his photo and described him and she said, "he looks like a doofus and easy to get." She thinks he doesn't know I have a crush on him. I do hide my crushes kinda well. I want to be more obvious in a non-pathetic way. Overall, I'd say analyze less and engage more and accept whatever happens. Presuming you've attracted other men before, it's the same thing. In my generation we call it 'feminine wiles'. Be the attractive flower the bee wishes to alight upon. I CANNOT flat out ask him out. That's OK. Don't. Facilitate the environment where he would like to ask you out. If he does, cool. If not, next.
Author abby_tx Posted June 18, 2015 Author Posted June 18, 2015 You showed your friend a picture of the bartender and described him. Uh, you made it obvious. He's like that because he's probably not interested in getting involved with a customer. My friend lives on the other side of the US and becer met him. I only made it obvious to her.
Author abby_tx Posted June 23, 2015 Author Posted June 23, 2015 (edited) I ran into this guy at a benefit concert last night!! I felt a cold hand on my arm, jumped and turned around to see him. He waved hi. I went in to get closer to chat but music was too loud so he gave me a hug and then I went back to my spot. Music started so we couldn't chat. I went to the front of the stage and didn't get a chance to see him again. I know it probably means nothing but at least he likes me enough to say hi outside of work. Edited June 23, 2015 by abby_tx 1
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