abby_tx Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 I am wondering how to show a bartender I'm interested. Before you all make fun of me, here's some background which might make this sound like less of an impossible task. A friend of a friend opened a bar a few years ago. The owner is really picky about who he hires and those he does hire usually end up becoming family. Whenever anyone in my friend group wants to grab a drink, they usually go here so the bar has a family-like atmosphere. He hired a bartender a year ago. I originally thought nothing of him as he's not my type, but lately I've developed a bit of a crush on him. It's really hard to get beyond the brief exchange at the bar because customers interrupt him. He's not your typical flirty outgoing bartender but this really sweet, laidback guy. I'm rather introverted and my confusion over how to go about showing him I'm interested made me realize something about myself. I've only ever been able to flirt with guys who are really outgoing/flirty aka the guys who are probably all wrong for me. This guy COULD be a good fit, but I just don't know how to take it to the next level. And if I do try, I might feel too embarrassed to ever come back to the bar. Any idea on how I can tell if he's interested and not just being a good bartender?
losangelena Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Wait for him to ask you out. Otherwise, leave it alone, I'd say. My BF and I are regulars at a bar. One of the bartenders there is one of the nicest, laid-back guys I know. He even bought me a beer once when I saw him at an "outside" bar and started chatting. However, even he, in the short time I've known him, has had two different girls come to the bar to meet him. Point is, I'd proceed with caution with almost any bartender. Even the non-super outgoing ones can be players. 2
Hawaii51 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Ask him out. Worst case you get rejected, and you shouldn't take that personally. 1
Author abby_tx Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Wait for him to ask you out. Otherwise, leave it alone, I'd say. My BF and I are regulars at a bar. One of the bartenders there is one of the nicest, laid-back guys I know. He even bought me a beer once when I saw him at an "outside" bar and started chatting. However, even he, in the short time I've known him, has had two different girls come to the bar to meet him. Point is, I'd proceed with caution with almost any bartender. Even the non-super outgoing ones can be players. Yeah, good point. Also, I don't want to be the foolish customer who mistakes kindness for interest. I'd probably be too embarrassed to go back if he rejected me.
introverted1 Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Does this bartender know you are single? I'm assuming he has access to know a little about you and would have taken the situation in hand if he was interested, unless you are giving off a strong "stay away" vibe.
GemmaUK Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 Smile a lot. Know his name and use it. Be the one to go to the bar to order drinks and then hang around. Learn to wink. Above all though..find out if he is single. 1
Author abby_tx Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 Does this bartender know you are single? I'm assuming he has access to know a little about you and would have taken the situation in hand if he was interested, unless you are giving off a strong "stay away" vibe. I'm 75% sure he knows I'm single. I've got a couple male friends I've had drinks with at the bar when he was working. Both are guys in my friend circle, so I'd hope he would know it's not a 'thing.' There was some drama with one guy, but I doubt he'd know unless he specifically asked someone - which I doubt he would. Guys aren't gossipy. I'm one of the few single girls left in the group which is annoying because every unattached guy in this friend group has had a crush on me at some point and I've either had to turn them down or I openly talk about another crush so they back off. I try my best to be friendly which I think gets misunderstood by some. I have never asked him or friends point blank if he's single, but I'm pretty sure he is. I should also add one night while I was drunk and he was working, I had a drink with a couple guy friends while he was working and stupidly added my bartender crush as a friend on facebook. So, he could check that out and see I'm not 'in a relationship'
Author abby_tx Posted May 25, 2015 Author Posted May 25, 2015 excuse the poorly worded last paragraph! wow I must have been tired when I wrote that.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Just got confirmation from a friend he is 100% single
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Find out where he goes after work to wind down & chill out. When I was a bartender, the staff & a few friends used to go to somebody's house. Go there & hang out.
OMC Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Haven't met a bartender yet who didn't abuse alcohol and I have managed and owned bars. That what you want?
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Find out where he goes after work to wind down & chill out. When I was a bartender, the staff & a few friends used to go to somebody's house. Go there & hang out. I dont think that would work unfortunately. Bars close at 2am here and there's no way I could stay up that late.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Haven't met a bartender yet who didn't abuse alcohol and I have managed and owned bars. That what you want? Well, no that's not what I want. He seems sober while working. I don't think he has a problem. Plus who knows if it would end up going anywhere. I just want to give it a try, but it appears it might not happen.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 I dont think that would work unfortunately. Bars close at 2am here and there's no way I could stay up that late. Then don't date a bartender because taking you out for breakfast is the only time he has to date you. Bartenders work when every body else is off. Their big nights are Friday & Saturday. If you can't live that lifestyle -- Monday's off and lots of late nights, you can't date a bartender. It doesn't work.
Emilia Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Haven't met a bartender yet who didn't abuse alcohol and I have managed and owned bars. That what you want? Depends. My tenant doesn't and he has had the same girlfriend for years too.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 Then don't date a bartender because taking you out for breakfast is the only time he has to date you. Bartenders work when every body else is off. Their big nights are Friday & Saturday. If you can't live that lifestyle -- Monday's off and lots of late nights, you can't date a bartender. It doesn't work. This crossed my mind. But I would be able to hang out after work on weekdays. And we could hang out Saturday afternoons and Sundays. I'm getting ahead of myself.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 If I added him to Facebook he should be able to ask me out there and be hasn't.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 When I was bartending, I didn't want to hang out with anybody before my shift. I wanted solitary down time to pump myself up for work. You have to be "on" all the time to be a bartender. Why would you want to date a boy who was so silly as to ask you out via FB? Seriously? That is so wrong. At this point he's a fantasy & you're just another customer.
Author abby_tx Posted May 26, 2015 Author Posted May 26, 2015 This is depressing. I've been single a year now and this is the first guy I've been interested in. Guess I might as well forget him.
d0nnivain Posted May 26, 2015 Posted May 26, 2015 Don't forget him. Practice your flirting on him but do look for somebody who has a more compatible life style & really don't date any guy who thinks it's OK to ask you out via FB
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 Don't forget him. Practice your flirting on him but do look for somebody who has a more compatible life style & really don't date any guy who thinks it's OK to ask you out via FB I didn't realize it was bad to ask someone out via facebook. haha. It just seems much easier than waiting to find a time in which you're both and out and about. Oh well. I'll try to move on. I crush hard and become kinda hyper focused on one guy.
d0nnivain Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 If you are OK with being asked out via FB, that's fine. I'd say no just because I didn't like the medium.
Gary S Posted May 27, 2015 Posted May 27, 2015 I am wondering how to show a bartender I'm interested. - You and probably about 20 of his other groupies. Bartenders are popular, lot's of people know them. I'd wait for him to ask you out, but don't hold your breath.
Author abby_tx Posted May 27, 2015 Author Posted May 27, 2015 - You and probably about 20 of his other groupies. Bartenders are popular, lot's of people know them. I'd wait for him to ask you out, but don't hold your breath. If he has 20 groupies, they all probably suck. Lot of really old trashy people flock to this bar as well as some younger ones, but the young ones aren't girls you can "take home to mom." Which I guess could be what he wants.
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