Sunyata Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 (edited) *** ever work? My ex and I still have feelings for each other. On each of our accounts, we are not emotionally independent or healthy people. I am still very attached to her because I don't have an adequate sense of my own self-love or that I could go out and get love from other people. She has her own serious attachment issues and is a bit unstable. But being a girl and being pretty, it is probably a lot less difficult for her. She is deeply attached to a new man who does not want a relationship with her, so they mainly have sex which she seems to be okay with since they hang out a lot. Every once in awhile, I feel like on lonely nights for her, we will have an extended period of e-mails or texts. We'll share music, old photos, and so forth. And then she'll go dead silent and not respond to anything I say for days. I have convinced myself that our relationship was a unique situation and that the love we felt for each other will rise back to the surface once I correctly heal the areas in which I negatively affected the relationship. It's only been about 4 months since I saw her in person and three months since she stopped calling me her boyfriend. This guy she is seeing and seems to spend most of her days thinking about is moving out of her state soon. She is sad about it. But I'm hoping that she'll realize her love for him was not as deep or genuine as her love for me. She even said last night "seeing him just makes me realize how much you seemed to like me." I wish I had more experience at this age. Has anyone else had an experience like this? Edited May 25, 2015 by Sunyata
neowulf Posted May 25, 2015 Posted May 25, 2015 *** ever work? My ex and I still have feelings for each other. On each of our accounts, we are not emotionally independent or healthy people. I am still very attached to her because I don't have an adequate sense of my own self-love or that I could go out and get love from other people. She has her own serious attachment issues and is a bit unstable. But being a girl and being pretty, it is probably a lot less difficult for her. She is deeply attached to a new man who does not want a relationship with her, so they mainly have sex which she seems to be okay with since they hang out a lot. Every once in awhile, I feel like on lonely nights for her, we will have an extended period of e-mails or texts. We'll share music, old photos, and so forth. And then she'll go dead silent and not respond to anything I say for days. I have convinced myself that our relationship was a unique situation and that the love we felt for each other will rise back to the surface once I correctly heal the areas in which I negatively affected the relationship. It's only been about 4 months since I saw her in person and three months since she stopped calling me her boyfriend. I wish I had more experience at this age. Has anyone else had an experience like this? As someone who's friends with a couple of his ex's, it's only possible given the following; 1. There is no attraction or residual feelings. You must feel about each other as you'd feel about any of your friends. Quick test for this; Close your eyes and imagine some random person getting hot and heavy with your ex. If you can imagine that scene and not feel sick to the stomach, congrats, you're properly over them. 2. The friendship was strong enough to stand on it's own. People often make a lot of concessions in their relationships. Stuff they get away with in that context, doesn't fly in a friendship. If you were crazy great friends, then there's something you might be able to salvage. 3. Enough time / space has passed. The only time I've managed to stay friends with ex's was when we gave each other enough time to properly heal. That can be anywhere from 6 months to a year, depending. So, given everything I've outlined above, you should *NOT* attempt to be friends with your ex at this point.
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