would you agree that he was being racist?

May 25, 2015

This is actually something that I'm okay with. I have a ton of black friends and I would be okay if a woman that I'm dating previously dated a black guy.

However, if she had a lot of partners or if she messed around with a lot of bad boys or guys with a lot of tattoos, that's a dealbreaker.

I do agree that women need to be more pure and should be held to a higher standard.

May 25, 2015

Obviously made me feel pretty crap about myself..like im too dirty for him or something.

SO what if you applied this viewpoint to someone who balked at another's disclosure of possessing an incurable STI/STD?

Would you still then sit there contemplating whether or not he/she thought they were better than the other person?

And who knows what societal viewpoints prevail in South Africa?

To take someone from the other side of the world and thrust him/her into Northern society while expecting him to automatically conform to local views (just because you think he should) might be absurd.

What if, instead of promoting freedom, we took all immigrants from the middle east and made them get rid of their religious garb upon arrival onto Western soil?

And what about those many parents who almost insist that their sons/daughters marry within their own religion? Do we automatically accuse them of thinking themselves somehow better than the many others out there? OR is it just their custom? And as such, do they bother to discern at all that some such unsuitable candidates are more/less unsuitable than others, for their offspring's hand in marriage?

While the person in question's tone does indeed sound like one of someone suggesting that he is somehow better than another, based on race (which is a prerequisite for true racism ), it may still be wise to consider whether that person had long known an intolerant, hate-filled environment before he just happened to cross paths with you somewhere.

... that before checking yourself the next time some random could-be sex partner discloses to you his having an incurable STD (or perhaps even a sexual past which gives you cause for pause).

May 25, 2015

That actually is pretty racist.

No it wasn't...

Unless, of course, you are one of those many who has no idea or understanding what racism entails.

Nice try though!

May 25, 2015

Any reason why you're allowing posts that simply perpetuate negative and ignorant stereotypes about African-American men, rather than addressing the OP's particular question?

What on EARTH are you talking about???

The first reference to African-Americans in this whole thread was your own.

How about you expand your world and recognize that when somebody from the UK is writing about somebody from South Africa, that it has nothing at all to do with African-Americans?

Furthermore, how is it that your little post there has nothing to do with the OP's original question while at the same time you are protesting other posts on this thread having nothing to do with the original post?

May 25, 2015

The "once you go Black you never go back" ====== Not always true!

Take Jennifer Lopez as an example. She dated P. Diddy before, but then she broke up with him. I'm sure J.Lo and Diddy have sex, they dated for few years.

J.Lo ended up married Marc Anthony and have kids with Marc Anthony, well they divorce now.

P. Diddy is the only black man that J.Lo dated. Other men she dated and married are Hispanic men and White (Ben Affleck)

Anyway Ms. OP, if your ex-boyfriend or any man can't accept you for who you are, including your past. Then he is NOT worth it, move on with your life. There plenty of other good men out there, plenty of fish in the sea. Good luck Ms. OP

btw, I'm Not White. I'm Chinese (Asian-American), my husband is Black(African-American)

The "once you go Black you never go back" ======= I don't know how accurate this is, but I don't think I can ever go back, lol

This have nothing to do with my husband is Black, but it because:

1. We married, he is my husband.

2. He as my husband, he took my virginity.

As a girl, I don't think I can forget the guy who took my V-card, and harder to forget when he is also my husband. So pretty much no turning back for me, lol

Edited May 25, 2015 by thestairs

May 25, 2015

When I was in Pretoria and JoBerg I noted some deep-seated prejudices from white SA'ers towards the black population, so much so that I found it shocking. That was back during Apartheid so may not be applicable now but IME racial prejudices run deep and are rarely easily dismissed or overcome. I was only in-country a month so only lightly touched on things so YMMV but his assertion that you're (OP) not from there and won't understand tipped me off. Sounded familiar.

That was one of the things that created a rift between myself and my South African white friend. He acted as though, being South African, he had some special understanding of racism. A special relationship to it. He was keyed into black suffering unlike myself. It was very arrogant.

May 25, 2015

SO what if you applied this viewpoint to someone who balked at another's disclosure of possessing an incurable STI/STD?

Would you still then sit there contemplating whether or not he/she thought they were better than the other person?

And who knows what societal viewpoints prevail in South Africa?

To take someone from the other side of the world and thrust him/her into Northern society while expecting him to automatically conform to local views (just because you think he should) might be absurd.

What if, instead of promoting freedom, we took all immigrants from the middle east and made them get rid of their religious garb upon arrival onto Western soil?

And what about those many parents who almost insist that their sons/daughters marry within their own religion? Do we automatically accuse them of thinking themselves somehow better than the many others out there? OR is it just their custom? And as such, do they bother to discern at all that some such unsuitable candidates are more/less unsuitable than others, for their offspring's hand in marriage?

While the person in question's tone does indeed sound like one of someone suggesting that he is somehow better than another, based on race (which is a prerequisite for true racism ), it may still be wise to consider whether that person had long known an intolerant, hate-filled environment before he just happened to cross paths with you somewhere.

... that before checking yourself the next time some random could-be sex partner discloses to you his having an incurable STD (or perhaps even a sexual past which gives you cause for pause).

Why would i want to apply this viewpoint to std issue? Thats an entirely different matter that would affect the person and potential partner too.

Those parents who insist that their children marry their own religion ..i feel sorry for the kids. Again, not my issue luckily so i feel no need to contemplate it. Not sure what your whole post is about. The saffa guy in question has been here for 10 YEARS. He didn't just arrive yesterday.

Edited May 25, 2015 by jgirl8

May 25, 2015

He sounds VERY racist and also a bit sexist!! Good riddance to him.

May 25, 2015

Black guys are generally pretty well hung I believe lol.

Not really true. Believe me I've had plenty of black men try to get at me and their man parts were smaller than mine.

Some do no doubt but there are many well endowed white men too.

To the OP: Your boyfriend's comment or viewpoint might come from a place of ignorance but that's his opinion. Freedom of speech and thought isn't one sided. Best thing you can do is move on if you feel his life views are not in line with yours.

Unfortunately in the United States many of the poorest urban areas have the highest black populations and those also (statistically) are the areas with the highest concentrations of poverty, areas of highest STD infection rates, highest crime and incarceration occurrences. These just happen to be the areas with the most social unrest particularly in recent times with all the rioting going on due to a mistrust between white police officers and black young men in general.

I believe our US media likes to stir the pot and they are the reason for a lot of the fear and mistrust between the races that has spread around our country like the plague.

May 25, 2015

I'm South African. Yes he's racist.

His mindset is very prevalent among a lot of White people that you're somehow "impure". ( note I didn't say all)

Edited May 25, 2015 by a LoveShack.org Moderator

May 25, 2015

As a Black guy whose vast majority of friends and acquaintances are white I can tell you that type of racist insecure thinking is not uncommon among many white men when it comes to white white women previously having Black partners. It's weird because it's funny and pathetic at the same time. And at the end of the day it says more about them than anyone else.

May 25, 2015

This might get me a ban, but I can see why he might have a negative image of South African black men, rape seems to be a national sport there.

To quote my black Zimbabwean friend who fled Mugabe and came to England "Their attitudes towards women are a hundred years behind the rest of the world."

Such attitudes include the belief that rape of a child will cure their aids.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/38/Don%27t_Abuse_Children_sign_in_South_Africa.jpeg

"Corrective" rape of lesbians is also hugely prevalent.

Have a read of these - the statistics are mind blowing..

Sexual violence in South Africa - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

May 25, 2015

. I would never date an American black woman most of them look like and act like men..

This is a very insultive and incorrect sweeping statement. If the ones you've seen look and act like men, you must have been in a strange area. Are you sure they weren't men?

May 25, 2015

This might get me a ban, but I can see why he might have a negative image of South African black men, rape seems to be a national sport there.
To quote my black Zimbabwean friend who fled Mugabe and came to England "Their attitudes towards women are a hundred years behind the rest of the world."

Such attitudes include the belief that rape of a child will cure their aids.

http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/3/38/Don%27t_Abuse_Children_sign_in_South_Africa.jpeg

"Corrective" rape of lesbians is also hugely prevalent.

Have a read of these - the statistics are mind blowing..

IRIN Africa | SOUTH AFRICA: One in four men rape | South Africa | Gender Issues | HIV/AIDS (PlusNews) | Human Rights

Sexual violence in South Africa - Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia

I dont see why you would get banned for this. I agree with you, these statistics are shocking. Nothing new to me though, i have seen documentries on SA being the rape capital of the world. Very sad.So yes, i understand why he is not keen on SAfrican black guys. But he has left that country behind 10 years ago. Anyways, that guy is gone and i dont expect anyone to work out how he came to this view. O opened this thread more so to find out if his view is as widespread as he claims it is ( but men are too PC to admit it)

May 25, 2015

White South Africans can be like this but as can many white men of any culture.

South Africa has long term and deep rooted issues that are not likely to change for hundreds of years yet. There is still mega separation. There are still massive differences. SA is nothing like Western culture.

I know many English white men with the same view. They tend not to disclose it though as it is racist. Borne from insecurity and assumption usually - but it is still racist.

I haven't dated a black man myself, there is nothing 'behind' that but I just haven't. It doesn't mean I don't think Will whatshisname..um..Smith or Thierry Henri are not gorgeous men..they absolutely are!

I like a man with va-va-voom whatever colour or race he is!

May 25, 2015

I've heard white women tell me that white guys would often ask them(whether they were seen with a black man or not) have they ever dated or slept with a Black man, because "it was important to know". And if she did they would ask weird questions like "how was big was it?"

May 25, 2015

I've heard white women tell me that white guys would often ask them(whether they were seen with a black man or not) have they ever dated or slept with a Black man, because "it was important to know". And if she did they would ask weird questions like "how was big was it?"

Yeah, this can work both ways. I've had a ex bf (black) ask me if I'd slept with a white guy before. He wasn't pleased with my response.

Edited May 25, 2015 by sandylee1
eta

May 25, 2015

Yes he is racist. His ideas about "purity" sound like they came right out of the antebellum South (of the United States of America....most of which rebelled in the US Civil War.)

I am not a fully black person and I don't adhere to gender norms. However I have seen and experienced this from the other side. White women being willing to have sex with, hang out with, etc a black man but they will not have a true relationship with a black man for this very reason. It is a attitude that goes way way back.

Sexual Relations Between Elite White Women and Enslaved Men in the Antebellum South: A Socio-Historical Analysis - Student Pulse

Now that I think about it to an extent my last serious ex (I wrote of her here as M) treated me that way a bit. While we were spending all that time together, one on one, even having a sexual relationship... I was blocked off her FB. She kept the precise nature of our relationship concealed from her young friends, but her family and older friends knew all about us. We broke up because a number of things came to a head. One of those was the racial issue for sure.

While I was with that ex...I noticed we would get stares when we walked together.

OP lots of people are still very racist and nothing brings out that racism like an interracial relationship. No interracial relationship brings out the hate like a black man with a white woman.

Shakespeare wrote one of his greatest plays, Othello, about it. That was in the Early 1600's.

Nothing much has changed.

I know this is not PC advice but if you want to date most white men with no issues like this then don't tell them about your having dated a black guy. You are not J-LO. J-LO being hispanic is just not the same as a white woman with a black man. I am an African American and I'm telling you this. Reality bites on this.

Resources on this.

Google for youtube video's on this. Many black men write of being used for sex and discarded and how bad that feels. Many black men are sour on white women for that reason.

Google for "Why black men date fate/obese/overweight white women". Where you will see that aspect of this brought up.

Edited May 25, 2015 by Mrlonelyone

May 25, 2015

I've heard white women tell me that white guys would often ask them(whether they were seen with a black man or not) have they ever dated or slept with a Black man, because "it was important to know". And if she did they would ask weird questions like "how was big was it?"

I've actually run into some guys who get off on that, so the motivation might not be what it seems on the outside.

May 25, 2015

What on EARTH are you talking about???

The first reference to African-Americans in this whole thread was your own.

How about you expand your world and recognize that when somebody from the UK is writing about somebody from South Africa, that it has nothing at all to do with African-Americans?

Furthermore, how is it that your little post there has nothing to do with the OP's original question while at the same time you are protesting other posts on this thread having nothing to do with the original post?

Yes, I suppose the multiple posts about crossing the street when Scary Black Men are on the sidewalk because they are just so violent were typed in invisible font, imperceptible to you.

And my post was QUITE OBVIOUSLY to the moderator.

May 25, 2015

Yes, I suppose the multiple posts about crossing the street when Scary Black Men are on the sidewalk because they are just so violent were typed in invisible font, imperceptible to you.

And my post was QUITE OBVIOUSLY to the moderator.

Then you are obviously in violation of the rules of the board.

A post that is not directed at anyone and relates to a legitimate dating question is OK. Even if it is not a PC question. Off topic postings like the above are a violation.

Carry on the topic of how people act towards white women who have dated black men in the past.

Have a nice day.

May 26, 2015

Black guys are generally pretty well hung I believe lol.

Please break free from this thinking, this is just a Generalization!! It all come down to the INDIVIDUAL guy.

Here is the study, everyone please read this: Scientists measured 15,000 penises and determined the average size.

Scientists measured 15,000 penises and determined the average size - Business Insider

Here is the quote from the research article, I quote it: —– “The study participants were men aged 17 to 91 who had their penises measured in 20 previously published studies conducted in Europe, Asia, Africa, and the US…. The team found no evidence for penis size differences linked to race.“

^^^ This: "The team foudn no evidence for penis size differences linked to race". Break free from the stereotype about certain race have bigger down there than another race. It all depend on the INDIVIDUAL guy regardless of race.

Listen. I have a childhood friend that I went to school with, she married to Black man. When we have "Girl talks", we sure talks about the Generalization that Black men have bigger down there. And let me tell you she tell me her husband was just average like other men. She said he her husband penis is around 6 inches.

Trust me, my friend she knows what she talking about. My friend she have other men prior to met my husband, so she sure see more than 1 penis in her life.

Now, me the virgin girl who married to my Black husband. I'm inexperience so I don't know about compared sizes, because beside my husband I never see any other men down there.

But as a woman, I can tell you this. Women can take the "Width", but if the "Length" is TOO Long, it will be uncomfortable.

My husband "Length" is too long down there. It pretty obvious too from the bulge length of his pants, if you see him on street compared to other guys.

No kidding, it kindda scary when the guy is too long down there. You know what I mean?

His length TOO Long is uncomfortable, because everytime we have sex, even with the basic missionary possition, he hit my cervix.

I told him that he hit my cervix, so now he all worried that he going to hurt me. So now during sex he would ask me if it hurts.

And it ridiculously awkward too because during sex and he would whisper in my ears saying "Sorry", and asked me "Does it hurt?". Uh... he tune my brain into a blank awkward mode, lol

Anyways, he is my husband so I have to learn how to get used to his "Length", we still newlywed.

But my husband is just ONE Black guy, that doesn't means every other Black guys out there is the same as my husband.

It all come down to INDIVIDUAL when it come to penis size or personality or character. NOBODY is the same, so don't generalize!!

Edited May 26, 2015 by thestairs

May 26, 2015

I do agree that women need to be more pure and should be held to a higher standard.

*hork*

And OP that guy was definitely out of line and you should be well glad to be rid of him. Absolutely racist.

May 26, 2015

I think that this was the most intriguing and telling part of your original post:

Obviously made me feel pretty crap about myself..like im too dirty for him or something.

Not obvious to me. If somebody ever said something along the lines of "well, you dated a ___________________, so I can't be with you", I might think a lot of things, but less about myself isn't one of them.

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would you agree that he was being racist?

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