A Tale of Unrequited Love

May 28, 2015

So UPDATE:

She's definitely dating this guy. Definitely. This guy was engaged, was set to be married earlier this year, and something happened. Don't know what, but something.

I don't know if they "tried again," but a few months ago, he posted on his Instagram a pic of him and his ex-fiancee and how they were spending a "week of quality time together."

He has since removed this photo, which makes me think that he's incredibly serious about my co-teacher.

ANYWAY, so for the time being, I just don't have a chance with this girl. It seems as if she's (and he's) crushing pretty hard.

As long as she's happy, I guess (and as long as I don't have to see them both together).

HOWEVER,

Today was my last day. I was in class, and the girl asked if she could steal me for a second. She got me a beer mug w/ a design that she clearly did herself, notepads with my name imprinted on them (something you have to order in the mail), AND a well thought out card. In the card, she said she valued my friendship and that she and I should "hang out" now that we no longer work together, and that I should keep in touch with her.

It was REALLY sweet.

I don't think I'm ever going to call her. I don't think I want to be her friend, but I'm happy we are on good terms. If I try the whole "friends" thing, I have a feeling I'm just going to fall hard.

Am I wrong for thinking this?

If I DO hang out with her, it's going to have to be HER calling ME, and once, maybe twice, a month AT MOST. I just won't be her "just a friend.?

Edited May 28, 2015 by lakerman34

May 28, 2015

This is fair. Still, I'm a man with high libido. If she didn't "play me like a toy," then she at the very least acted inappropriately. Honestly, had the flirting never occurred, none of this would have ever happened and we could possibly be VERY close, loyal friends to each other.

Neither of you acted appropriately, and I really don't understand why you are so mad at her.

She flirted with you, you shot her down, and she started dating someone else.

Did you expect her to hold out and wait for you until you guys didn't work together anymore? She moved on after knowing you were not available. She liked you, therefore gave the cold shoulder because SHE was probably insulted that you were simply treating her like a pal (not responding to your "hey buddy" texts).

Now that you're not working together anymore, she gives you a thoughtful gift and makes a veiled reference to a statement you made originally about maybe wanting to date her if you didn't work together.

To me, it seems like she is opening the door wide open for you. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I'm not sure I am.

May 29, 2015

Neither of you acted appropriately, and I really don't understand why you are so mad at her.

She flirted with you, you shot her down, and she started dating someone else.

Did you expect her to hold out and wait for you until you guys didn't work together anymore? She moved on after knowing you were not available. She liked you, therefore gave the cold shoulder because SHE was probably insulted that you were simply treating her like a pal (not responding to your "hey buddy" texts).

Now that you're not working together anymore, she gives you a thoughtful gift and makes a veiled reference to a statement you made originally about maybe wanting to date her if you didn't work together.

To me, it seems like she is opening the door wide open for you. Maybe I'm completely wrong, but I'm not sure I am.

That's the thing. She's dating someone else, and seems to be happy with that. I don't know if they are in a "relationship" quite yet, but they are seeing each other and doing stuff together.

I just don't know if it's wise to walk into the door if she, indeed, has swung it open. Seems like she'll be seeing both me and this other guy, we'll be, essentially, competing for her, and she'll get to have her cake and eat it too.

Wouldn't it be wise to wait this one out, contact her in a month, or 2, or 3?

May 29, 2015

Honestly, it depends on what you want. It seems like you kind of fell for her. Your emotions shown in this thread give that away. To me it seems like she was interested in you at some point (and likely still is, considering the gift - anyone else get a going away gift?) but the timing wasn't right, and maybe she felt slighted because she felt you may have been saying no.

Where you are at is you have feelings for her, and you know you can't be just friends. She had feelings for you to the point that she showed hurt when she felt rejected (acting cold toward you, etc.,). Who knows if she wants to honestly just be friends. You have nothing to lose by saying something because, in your own words on this thread, you will never see or hear from her again otherwise.

So...talk to her about it. Maybe in a week, or a couple of weeks. Tell her you appreciate the gift and the time you've spent together. Tell her you've developed an interest in her, and you honestly don't feel you can be friends with her, or that it would be appropriate to remain friends with her since she is in a relationship. If you want to even explain that you would have liked to have dated her but felt it was inappropriate due to your proximity at work, you can tell her that. Whatever you feel the need to in order to get your point across.

You don't have to be "the other guy." You don't have to play a waiting game. You can just be honest and direct and put the ball in her court. If she was just biding time with the guy she's involved with now, she will probably make a move. If she's over it all and just interested in the other guy, she'll let you know. Either way, you really have nothing to lose, since you've already resigned yourself to losing this friendship.

I re-read your original post, and it seems like the signs of her interest were there. She flirted with you, she REALLY flirted with you off campus, her friend asked you if you liked her - this is what women do. It also seems like the interest is lingering, too, because of the gift and the personal note to remain in contact. So just let her know you're interested, and let her decide what to do about it.

May 29, 2015

So UPDATE:

She's definitely dating this guy. Definitely. This guy was engaged, was set to be married earlier this year, and something happened. Don't know what, but something.

I don't know if they "tried again," but a few months ago, he posted on his Instagram a pic of him and his ex-fiancee and how they were spending a "week of quality time together."

He has since removed this photo, which makes me think that he's incredibly serious about my co-teacher.

ANYWAY, so for the time being, I just don't have a chance with this girl. It seems as if she's (and he's) crushing pretty hard.
As long as she's happy, I guess (and as long as I don't have to see them both together).

HOWEVER,
Today was my last day. I was in class, and the girl asked if she could steal me for a second. She got me a beer mug w/ a design that she clearly did herself, notepads with my name imprinted on them (something you have to order in the mail), AND a well thought out card. In the card, she said she valued my friendship and that she and I should "hang out" now that we no longer work together, and that I should keep in touch with her.

It was REALLY sweet.

I don't think I'm ever going to call her. I don't think I want to be her friend, but I'm happy we are on good terms. If I try the whole "friends" thing, I have a feeling I'm just going to fall hard.

Am I wrong for thinking this?

If I DO hang out with her, it's going to have to be HER calling ME, and once, maybe twice, a month AT MOST. I just won't be her "just a friend.?

Not to be unkind, but you are way too involved in his and her online activity. Stop following and analyzing their posts; you're driving yourself nuts.

Consider her a friend only and let her go. Start seeing other women. It will help you avoid "waiting" on her.

May 29, 2015

Not to be unkind, but you are way too involved in his and her online activity. Stop following and analyzing their posts; you're driving yourself nuts.

Consider her a friend only and let her go. Start seeing other women. It will help you avoid "waiting" on her.

I'm not as involved as it seems. Shows up on my newsfeed.

I'm not a "oneitis" kind of guy. Unless I'm SERIOUSLY DATING a girl, I'm always looking at others.

No problems here.

May 29, 2015

Honestly, it depends on what you want. It seems like you kind of fell for her. Your emotions shown in this thread give that away. To me it seems like she was interested in you at some point (and likely still is, considering the gift - anyone else get a going away gift?) but the timing wasn't right, and maybe she felt slighted because she felt you may have been saying no.

Where you are at is you have feelings for her, and you know you can't be just friends. She had feelings for you to the point that she showed hurt when she felt rejected (acting cold toward you, etc.,). Who knows if she wants to honestly just be friends. You have nothing to lose by saying something because, in your own words on this thread, you will never see or hear from her again otherwise.

So...talk to her about it. Maybe in a week, or a couple of weeks. Tell her you appreciate the gift and the time you've spent together. Tell her you've developed an interest in her, and you honestly don't feel you can be friends with her, or that it would be appropriate to remain friends with her since she is in a relationship. If you want to even explain that you would have liked to have dated her but felt it was inappropriate due to your proximity at work, you can tell her that. Whatever you feel the need to in order to get your point across.

You don't have to be "the other guy." You don't have to play a waiting game. You can just be honest and direct and put the ball in her court. If she was just biding time with the guy she's involved with now, she will probably make a move. If she's over it all and just interested in the other guy, she'll let you know. Either way, you really have nothing to lose, since you've already resigned yourself to losing this friendship.

I re-read your original post, and it seems like the signs of her interest were there. She flirted with you, she REALLY flirted with you off campus, her friend asked you if you liked her - this is what women do. It also seems like the interest is lingering, too, because of the gift and the personal note to remain in contact. So just let her know you're interested, and let her decide what to do about it.

The thing is, I am fairly certain she and I aren't compatible. Then people are telling me that because we are so different we are compatible, and that we'd be outstanding together.

Ideas and thoughts catch up to me.

I think she's gorgeous, but I do have reservations of being in a romantic relationship with her that has meaning and depth. I'd have to go on several "discovery" dates with her first (even though I know her relatively well already).

I just don't know if it's worth any more work. If she knows I like her (and I think she already thinks I do), I don't know why she just doesn't do anything about it.

After this gift/card, I'm unsure who has the ball in their court right now...

May 29, 2015

It was all fun until all the older staff left and it was just younger staff. Conversation got....weird. She was flirting with me HARD (both of us drunk), and then trying to sort of talk herself up to me. She then left. One of her friends asked what I thought of her. I said, "she's really attractive, and if we aren't working together after this year, I'd consider asking her out for dinner." She went around and told my co-teacher that I liked her.

...And there it is. Right at that moment you did not follow her after she left,

She probably felt rejected. Then the friend stepped in for you and told her that you like her, because you could not?? After that effort by her friend you still did not make a move on her within the "window of opportunity".

Then she goes and starts dating guys on tinder because you rejected her. She then figures out that you might still have feelings for her, so she gives you a present. She may want to date you more than the other guy, but it is a moot point, because you still are not making a move on her.

At least that is what seems like may have happened.

May 29, 2015

I'm not as involved as it seems. Shows up on my newsfeed.

I'm not a "oneitis" kind of guy. Unless I'm SERIOUSLY DATING a girl, I'm always looking at others.

No problems here.

You need to block her on your newsfeed then. You have way too much knowledge of what she's doing.

May 29, 2015

The thing is, I am fairly certain she and I aren't compatible. Then people are telling me that because we are so different we are compatible, and that we'd be outstanding together.

You used to be so tight, according to your post, but you're incompatible? That doesn't make sense to me.

Ideas and thoughts catch up to me.

I think she's gorgeous, but I do have reservations of being in a romantic relationship with her that has meaning and depth. I'd have to go on several "discovery" dates with her first (even though I know her relatively well already).

I just don't know if it's worth any more work. If she knows I like her (and I think she already thinks I do), I don't know why she just doesn't do anything about it.

Because she doesn't want to be rejected a second time. Who would?

After this gift/card, I'm unsure who has the ball in their court right now...

The ball is clearly in your court. She is giving you an in, you just have to take it. However, you continue to make excuses, so I'm not sure that you really have feelings for this woman, as you originally implied with your first post that was titled "A Tale of Unrequited Love."

May 30, 2015

You used to be so tight, according to your post, but you're incompatible? That doesn't make sense to me.

Because she doesn't want to be rejected a second time. Who would?

The ball is clearly in your court. She is giving you an in, you just have to take it. However, you continue to make excuses, so I'm not sure that you really have feelings for this woman, as you originally implied with your first post that was titled "A Tale of Unrequited Love."

That's the thing.

I know I'm physically attracted to her, and we were, indeed, "tight," but I just don't know what my feelings are for her. I THINK I like her, I get the feelings of liking someone when I'm around her, but my brain is telling me that I'm quickly going to start thinking "why the hell are you with her?"

We come from 2 WAY different walks of life. She's a good, Catholic, white girl, I'm the rule-breaking, atheist, brown boy. She wants people to like her and is sensitive towards how other people think and feel, I couldn't care less who likes or dislikes me, and I'm very forward with my opinions and don't really care if they "offend" anyone.

I just anticipate a lot of head-bumping.

Or maybe I'm scared that I may have met the perfect girl for me and I'm just making excuses to avoid the fact that we are, indeed, perfect for each other and balance each other out?

Ugh. I don't know.

I just moved into a house with a pool. I want to shoot her a text saying "hey! I've got a pool! Come over!" just to see what she'll say.

But I think that's unwise.

Edited May 30, 2015 by lakerman34

May 30, 2015

...And there it is. Right at that moment you did not follow her after she left,
She probably felt rejected. Then the friend stepped in for you and told her that you like her, because you could not?? After that effort by her friend you still did not make a move on her within the "window of opportunity".

Then she goes and starts dating guys on tinder because you rejected her. She then figures out that you might still have feelings for her, so she gives you a present. She may want to date you more than the other guy, but it is a moot point, because you still are not making a move on her.

At least that is what seems like may have happened.

Also, worth noting, the girl told me that she was NOT into me. That she asked my coteacher if she was, and she said, "no."

Of course, clearly this girl is a talker and can't keep her mouth shut, so my co-teacher, knowing her better than I do, may have lied just to keep a rumor from spreading and to save face.

Or she could have been telling the truth.

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