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Fiance cheated while I was deployed

RobbieA

By RobbieA
in Infidelity

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Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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That is my biggest fear. I guess I am being selfish.

 

Well, you're human. It's HARD to ignore your natural urges and always do the right thing.

 

Love still exists, you know? It is real.

 

I remember when you first came, you said you will never love again.

 

That is my greatest fear for you.

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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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Well, you're human. It's HARD to ignore your natural urges and always do the right thing.

 

Love still exists, you know? It is real.

 

I remember when you first came, you said you will never love again.

 

That is my greatest fear for you.

 

I think that was a knee jerk reaction to the shock of what happened. I will say it will be harder to love again. In my eyes, loving someone with every fiber of your being involves trust, and well obviously being cheated on makes me kind of hyper vigilant to not be placed in that situation again.

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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That is my biggest fear. I guess I am being selfish.

 

In the past I would say as long as your honest about your situation it would be ok. The problem is SOME women just don't hear what your saying or convince themelves that you mean more then you said. In short, just because your honest it doesn't mean people don't get hurt.

 

With that being said, there are plenty of women that are only looking for casual....its not selfish if you're on the same page.

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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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In the past I would say as long as your honest about your situation it would be ok. The problem is SOME women just don't hear what your saying or convince themelves that you mean more then you said. In short, just because your honest it doesn't mean people don't get hurt.

 

With that being said, there are plenty of women that are only looking for casual....its not selfish if you're on the same page.

 

I totally agree with what you are saying. But I never have been the guy to do the random thing. Don't have experience with that. I guess it will be hit or miss, hope for the best expect the worst kind deal.

DKT3 Established Member

DKT3

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I totally agree with what you are saying. But I never have been the guy to do the random thing. Don't have experience with that. I guess it will be hit or miss, hope for the best expect the worst kind deal.

 

 

Casual relationships can be good for you, just don't get carried away like I did after my divorce. Casual doesn't have to mean randos, short caring relationships that stop short of falling in love can be healthy. Key word being short. Its easy for someone in your position to fall into another relationship. Your in no position for that. However, at your age NOTHING is not a viable option. That too could have you rush into a relationship your not ready for.

darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

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Everyone thank you for being so supportive. Speaking of sex with hot women. I am not really the one to sleep around, but lately I have been a lot better and my libido is threw the roof. I know, TMI.

 

If I dated casually to seek sex would that make me a less desirable person? I mean usually I wait until I am comfortable or she is comfortable but it hasn't really been in a casual context.

 

So what I am asking is would I considered a scumbag if I had a one night stand? Or a friends with benefits ?

 

I don't think it's possible for you to have TMI with us. ;)

 

I think you should do what feels right for you. All of your decision making has been spot on for your entire situation, I feel as though you should be giving us advice.

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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This is sad. :(

Edited by Popsicle
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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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This is sad. :(

 

Why is it sad Popsicle ?

Popsicle Established Member

Popsicle

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Why is it sad Popsicle ?

 

You were so dreamy...

Hope Shimmers Established Member

Hope Shimmers

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I totally agree with what you are saying. But I never have been the guy to do the random thing. Don't have experience with that. I guess it will be hit or miss, hope for the best expect the worst kind deal.

 

Despite what was said above, women aren't stupid and if you are clear with them about what you want and how you feel and avoid talking out of both sides of your mouth and then going back and forth and changing your mind every fifteen minutes about what you want, then women are perfectly capable of being happy in any type of relationship - including a casual one. But you have to be clear with YOURSELF what you are looking for, and then stick with that and communicate it clearly and consistently.

 

And wow... nice avatar. Yeah, it would be a waste if you were off the market.

No Limit Established Member

No Limit

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Just be open about what you want - and once you notice a girl starts developing feelings you leave instead of leading her on. As long as you don't continuously promise eternal love for a random girl from the bar to get her into bed you're fine.

darkbloom Established Member

darkbloom

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Also random side note.

 

You have a job. You serve your country. You're loyal. You're hot. You handle yourself very well. If I were to run into you in the dating world and found out you didn't sleep around I would probably propose to you on the spot.

MrMeh Established Member

MrMeh

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Hey Robbie! Been reading your thread for quite a while. Glad you are

doing well. Just wanted to point out a few things about the casual thing.

 

You don't lose 'self worth' by being casual. In fact, I think it simply shows

that you know what you want at the moment since you are doing

it because you desire that type of intimacy instead of compensating for some deficit.

 

I've learned that letting loose and relaxing really helps when you desire this

type of affection. It seems like you know how to respect women so I think

the rest should be easy. They'll notice that you are a decent guy and will be

comfortable in this type situation with you.

Cephalopod Established Member

Cephalopod

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You were so dreamy...

 

Oh! Ease up on him!

minimariah Established Member

minimariah

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So what I am asking is would I considered a scumbag if I had a one night stand? Or a friends with benefits ?

 

go for it. just make sure you're honest about expectations & respectful.

 

*signs up to your fanclub* you're kinda hot, Robbie. :love:

  • 3 weeks later...
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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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Hey folks, I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. As the days go on, I am continuing my healing journey. I am so much better then I was in May. I can see clearly now. Life is good. I am casually dating someone, nothing serious. She is a very nice girl. We have so much in common. I did, in fact decide against the whole one nighter thing. It just wasn't who I am. Hope everyone is doing well.

qubist Established Member

qubist

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Hey folks, I hope everyone is enjoying their summer. As the days go on, I am continuing my healing journey. I am so much better then I was in May. I can see clearly now. Life is good. I am casually dating someone, nothing serious. She is a very nice girl. We have so much in common. I did, in fact decide against the whole one nighter thing. It just wasn't who I am. Hope everyone is doing well.

 

Robbie you are a good exemplar of how anybody can move on from a bad situation regardless of the route you chose. I believe you good attitude but also your mental strength helped get over this in no time,

Good luck

Unlucky_I_Guess Established Member

Unlucky_I_Guess

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RobbieA, I just finished reading the whole thread and I have to say you're an inspiration. I'm going through the whole fiancé cheated thing myself (plus she's now pregnant by the guy she cheated on me with), and reading your story has given me the strength to keep putting my best foot forward and keep moving on.

 

Keep it up, brother!

  • 2 weeks later...
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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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Hey everyone. Things are going very well. I am dating a very nice woman and things are going extremely well in that department. She is kind, funny, compassionate, and overall seems to be a good fit for me.

 

I just want to get this off my chest. The cancelled wedding day is approaching in like two weeks. I am somber to say the least. I am going with friends on a cruise to celebrate the decision I made to end this.

 

There is no pity party, I dodged a scud missle and am going to have fun on the cruise.

Satu Established Member

Satu

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Have a great time Robbie, while the unfortunate earlier events fade away away into the past.

 

A time will come when those events will only very rarely come to mind.

 

Wishing you all the best, always.

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RobbieA Established Member

RobbieA

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Have a great time Robbie, while the unfortunate earlier events fade away away into the past.

 

A time will come when those events will only very rarely come to mind.

 

Wishing you all the best, always.

 

Thank you very much.

sandylee1 Established Member

sandylee1

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Thank you very much.

 

A guy like you will always be in demand.

Good luck with your new lady.

qubist Established Member

qubist

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Robbie: I'm glad you are moving on, but do not give the memory of the the canceled wedding date any value it will be forgotten eventually when you create new memories hopefully with the new woman

drifter777 Established Member

drifter777

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I think your plan for getting through this tough date is perfect. Literally, leave all of that sh*t in your wake.

 

You know you did the right thing. You know it. So just keep moving in the direction you've been heading and all of this will fade away.

happyman64 Established Member

happyman64

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Hey Robbie

 

 

Enjoy the cruise.

 

 

I dated a "nice" girl 30 years ago my friend.

 

 

Been married to her for 23 years.

 

 

HM

While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!
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