Nomad Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Ummm, I'm sort of confused. When a couple is termed "boyfriend/girlfriend", it is mutually understood or implied that the couple will be exclusive, i.e. not see/date/screw anyone else, correct? I've heard a friend of my sister's talk about how she can cheat (?) on her bf because they weren't really "serious" yet. But she called him her bf!! God, women are confusing...
Pocky Posted April 24, 2005 Posted April 24, 2005 Generally, when two people refer to the relationship as boyfriend and girlfriend it implies a monogamous relationship. However, people can give any relationship any term they like and it doesn't mean they are monogamous.
Cecelius Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 The friend of your sister is probably very young. I don't know how many young people who don't consider themselves "cheaters" will talk about not being exclusive technically, or not that serious (ie, I can cheat on him because we haven't been together that long), or that its not as if they are married. I wouldn't worry about in principle, just don't date girls that have cheated in the past.
Author Nomad Posted April 25, 2005 Author Posted April 25, 2005 My sister's friend is about 22, I think. I'm just worried that if & when I can land a gf, I might be happily content that we're together & calling each other bf/gf, thinking we're exclusive, then WHAM find out she's seeing other people & thinking it's OK. I wouldn't want to look a fool by saying "You cheated on me!" if that's how these things actually work & in reality it's OK to see others early on or something. I suppose the responses coming back will be, "You have to discuss your exclusivity with her," huh?
EC Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I suppose the responses coming back will be, "You have to discuss your exclusivity with her," huh? YES! I know a lot of people that hook up and land a gf/bf but say they can still shop around during the first four months of the relationship because its not that serious yet. Have the talk is all I can say.
yuv Posted April 25, 2005 Posted April 25, 2005 I hope what I have to offer (confirming what you've said) helps, because I've been there a LOT. I have been with several women who insisted on open relationships, and the way it usually worked for me was like this: after we determine that we enjoy seeing each other and being in each other's company (independently of whether we've had sex or not), I'd take her hand and ask "now, I like you a lot, but I don't want to step on another guy's toes here, so tell me: are you seeing anyone else?" If yes, ok, I had my instant answer. If no, I'd follow up with "cool! I'd like to continue to see (or date) you, and I'm not passing judgement either way when I ask this: will you be open to seeing other people while we're dating, or no?" No matter the answer, you have enough time to say that you want it to be exclusive. The way the question is worded, you might think that it makes you sound like you want an open relationship, but be sure to say "will YOU" and _not_ "can we". I never had a woman hear that and assume I was asking for an open relationship. I either got a defensive "no!!" or a polite "yeah" (the latter always followed by a reason why.) The third thing you might say to wrap this up is a calm "allright" followed by "I just want to know where I stand." And kiss her hand. If she is open to seeing others, well, I'll leave your course of action to you of course. This "script" has worked for me and IMO it's a gentlemanly way of dealing with the subject. (For the record, I developed this polite approach after a run of several women who did not want to be exclusive. It had nothing to do with me wanting to see other people. Oh, one more thing, if they do not intend to be exclusive and they find out that you're seeing someone regardless of whether they are or not, don't expect them to be okay with it, expect some jealousy. This tends to prepare you in case they wanted to do the "it's okay for me to have something on the side but not okay for you" routine.)
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